Welcome to Psychosis
by Kami-Inu
Summary: Set after Original Series. Ryuk's boredom has gotten him in way over his head this time, as he's now dropped the Death Note into the hands of someone completely unstable! But...is insanity really so bad? Are emotions better off denied? RyukxOC.
1. Curiosity

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note. All rights belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I also do not own the song or lyrics to/of 'Strawberry Gashes'. I only own my OC's-'Kirau', and…that's it, for main characters. And this particular fanfic. Thank you.**

**Welcome to Psychosis**

'MUMBLE' 'MURMUR'

"Jeez, would ya look at that guy! Keeps on takin' the hits like nobody's business!"

"Ah, he's gonna crack, sooner or later."

"Yeah, no human can withstand that much pummeling!"

"Oh, izzat so? Care to bet on it, gentlemen?"

"Heh heh…why? You got anything worth enough to put at stake?"

"Maybe…"

Another dreary, grey day in the Shinigami Realm. Same old, same old-gambling, napping, and general melancholy. And nobody was complaining.

'FWSH' Well, except for one resident.

'CRUNCH' 'KRCK'

A familiar pale face trudged through the eternally colorless world. Dark lips were tugged up into a grin, but irritation and distaste bubbled beneath the surface. His large yellow eyes scanned quickly to the left, and then the right, as his feet crushed yet another pile of old bones-this place was full of them. He resembled something from a nightmare: a demonic, dead clown.

His name was Ryuk, and he was bored.

Yes, bored. Bored, bored,_ bored_. Out of his skull, out of his mind-what was left of it, and just-augh! He felt like a rat in a cage! A huge cage made of nothing and Death, if those were even appropriate building materials.

It wasn't like he didn't enjoy the idea of death. Far from it. A Shinigami's job, after all, was to follow those on 'Earth', and take their lives, courtesy of the now infamous Death Note. It's just that he wanted a little…pizzazz, to go with his body count.

And for a while, he'd had that spark. In the form of a human named Yagami Light. Yes, that guy had been something else-him and his whole cast of characters. He had gotten the entire human world on its feet. And it was all because of that little black book that Ryuk had 'accidentally' let slip from his grasp one dull day, so many, many years ago…

Light had been gutsy. He had had spunk. He'd had ambition. He had great plans for the world, once that book had fallen into his possession. He'd wanted to be a God. No, not just 'a' God, 'the' God, of a new world.

The Shinigami had finally reached his destination, if that was possible in a never-ending barren place like this. A large bone stump, in front of a small grey ditch. As Ryuk sat down, he scratched his head, now deep in concentration on his memories. All those people who he had seen while attached to Light. What were their names again…?

Oh, yes. There had been that one fellow, L or whoever-he'd been a strange one. But quite smart; incredibly smart for a human-though Ryuk would never say that aloud. He had enjoyed the battle of the brains and egos between him and Light, during the Kira murder investigation-that was the official nickname for the Death Note killer. Light got him eventually, though.

And of course, Misa. That pretty little blond. She had acted quite ditzy most of the time, but when it came down to it, she was a very valuable asset to Light's quest for his immortal-esque status. She loved him so much, and she would have done anything for him. Too bad, though-after Light kicked the bucket and she found out, she'd gone and offed herself. Oh, well.

There had been Light's father Soichiro, the superintendent for the NPA, as well as an avid member of the Kira task force-Ryuk had done the eye deal with him right before his death after the infiltration of Mello's hideout. Mello-all Ryuk knew was that he was another blond, and connected to L. And, something about a chocolate fetish. Near, that weird little albino kid who he'd talked to in the last few minutes before Light's 'untimely' demise. Ryuk took a moment to chuckle softly at this. _Untimely…not._

And that fanatic, Mikami, who always became so worked up when he'd had to perform killings. Ryuk had stayed with him for a short while, and that guy was nutty. He would start screaming "Delete! DELETE!" every time he wrote down some random saps name. _Sheesh. It's just a few lives. Give it a rest._

Ryuk scratched at the back of his neck. _Anyone else of importance…?_ A few more names floated through the Shinigami's memory. Rem, the one who had given her life for Misa. _Too bad for her._ Watari, Aizawa, Matsuda, Mogi…and the rest? He shrugged. _Eh, who cares?_ It was too long ago, anyways.

After Light's reign of terror had finally ended, Ryuk had returned to his home world, and had been banned from dropping his Death Note into the human world ever again. That sucked.

Then, his grin widened. At least…he couldn't drop it in _Light's_ world.

Turns out, there were many other universes, populated with people, among other things. He had scanned through all of them. Because of what had happened in Light's world, the barriers upon exploring these other dimensions were lifted-what had caused them to be set up in the first place, Ryuk didn't know-and the original list of thirteen Shinigami was expanded. New faces had been introduced over the last few decades.

But this realm was getting a little too crowded for Ryuk's liking. More boring cookie-cutters, who fell in-sync with the laws and regulations.

Anyways, back to those other worlds. One of ninjas, another with talking animals-that was kind of creepy-a third with something called 'alchemy', and yet another handful with demons and killers of its own kind.

But, intriguing as they all were, they just hadn't caught his eye as being places where a Death Note would really be all that interesting to have fall into. Or, where a Death Note would actually be of much use. Most of them were full of enough chaos and destruction on their own. Sure, jot down a few names, if you were interested in adding a few extra years to your own span, but other than that...

He stood up, and resumed his wandering through the bleak realm. What he wouldn't give for some excitement: a character that would actually make good use of the Death Note, and who could also keep him entertained. Someone who could give him a great, if brief escape from this place.

'BEEP-BEEP' 'SCREECH'

"Eh?" There to his left was a crater, with another portal at the bottom of it. He heard the familiar sounds of traffic and rushing-but why was it so loud? He ambled over, and sat down upon the ground.

Yet another world, with a bustling city and hundreds of thousands of people, pushing and shoving their way to some pointless destination. Nothing new there.

But just as he was about to stand again, something caught his attention. He peered down, not really sure what to expect.

"Hey! Move it! Whoa! Watch it! Please-OUTTA MY WAY, YOU BLOODY LUMOXES!"

"Oh?" He leaned closer. That was a battle cry, and a unique one, too. Now _this_ was different.

A young girl was fighting her way through the massive crowds. She seemed to stand out like a sore thumb. Her dirty blond hair was pulled back into a sloppy braid, and a few pieces were hanging down by her ears. Her blue-green eyes shone with the afternoon sun, but were soon shadowed by her bangs as she lowered her head.

Under her eyes…it appeared as if she didn't get much sleep. Thick bags hung beneath, and the pitch black eyeliner she had around them only seemed to emphasize their murky appearance. Her complexion was pale, and the shocking red lipstick she wore upon her tiny mouth only served to fade it further.

Her attire consisted of an oversized black hooded jacket, red t-shirt, black pleated skirt that came to her knees, and ripped black tights. The look was completed by a pair of well worn boots with ragged laces, and a black backpack.

"Heh…" Ryuk focused on the strange young girl, as she tripped and fell, palms flat against the sidewalk, knees scraped and starting to bleed. "Shit!" She swore, to nobody in particular. She hoisted her bag back onto her shoulders, and stumbled to her feet. Ignoring the stinging pain and warm sensation trickling down her calves, she kicked open a glass door, and barreled her way in-only to have it catch on her sleeve, and smack her against the frame. Ryuk snickered again. Now this was amusing, if he did say so himself.

He continued to watch as a short old man, balding and portly, rushed out from a door to the side, where he began to argue with the female. He threw a lump of fabric at her before storming off. She headed behind the counter, dropped her bag on the ground, and slipped the cloth over her head. It was an apron.

Ryuk soon learned that the girl worked as a cashier-slash-clerk at some little grocers shop. Not many people showed up though-why would they, with all the big supermarket chains cropping up less than five minutes away from the apartment complexes and townhouses?

So for most of the day, she was merely trailing up and down the aisles: rearranging things, inventing some random game out of-you guessed it, boredom-or sweeping the floor, and occasionally stealing a snack or two. It wasn't like anyone would notice, anyway. Nobody was there. Ryuk's mouth watered in particular when she feasted on a red apple. Damn, he loved human world apples. When was the last time he'd had one? He couldn't recall.

All too soon, it was evening. She took off the apron, gathered her belongings, made one last check, and shoved her way out the glass door again. The crowds weren't as bad at this hour, so she had more room as she headed down the road. He followed her with his eyes.

Eventually, the bright lights and congestion of the city dissipated and gave way, to ratty apartments, abandoned houses, a dying field or two, alleyways and flickering streetlights.

"Waaugh!" She collapsed against a stone railing. She was on a bridge, with dark, rushing water beneath. It was of a decent height, and a fall would probably kill you.

"This sucks." She picked up a lone pebble, and tried to hurl it across the road. It didn't go very far.

"This world is a dying whore!" she screamed, and Ryuk chuckled. _Nice comparison._

"And I am its disease…" She pulled her knees close, as a faint breeze began to blow. He tilted his head slightly. Suddenly, she began to sing.

"_Turn her over_

_A candle is lit, I see through her_

_Blow it out and save all her ashes for me…"_

"Ahhh…" His grin grew. That voice…it was so anguished, and pleasing.

_"Curse me, sold her_

_The poison that runs its course through her_

_Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over, all over_

_Watch me fault her_

_You're living like a disaster_

_She said kill me faster_

_With strawberry gashes all over…"_

She stopped then. Ryuk's grin faded. Damn, he had been enjoying that. Not that he hadn't heard a human sing before; it was just…the way she sang. The lyrics were dripping with misery and longing, loneliness and torment-so much suffering. It was beautiful. Her voice was absolutely delicious. A painful pleasure. Pain was his reason for existence, after all; death was his life force. Anything that encouraged that was all good in his book.

In less than a second, he had made his decision.

"There's no point…" The girl rose to her feet. She turned around, and leaned over the railing of the bridge.

"I could jump off now, and no one would be any wiser." She entertained these thoughts in her mind. The cold water below seemed to beckon to her, its swirling depths calling her name…a word she refused to remember. The day _she'd_ died was the day that she had taken the first step to erasing her existence. She gripped the cool stone tightly, and pushed herself up, swinging one leg over.

Ryuk had no idea why he was about to do this. He hadn't chosen the human for the Death Note the first time around. Maybe it was from desperation on his part: a desire for the monotony to end already. Maybe it had been her singing voice; all that bottled up anguish. Or maybe it was that he could simply see she was unstable, and he wanted to see what would happen if he gave her power on this level. She was like a laboratory specimen, the subject of an experiment. And he was the scientist.

Whatever the reason, he let go of the small notebook in his clawed hand, and watched it fall through the portal on a one-way trip to the cement.

'THWACK' "Waah!"

The sound had startled her. It seemed to echo in the still night. Because of this, she almost _did_ fall over the edge of the railing. After a few moments of flailing, she managed to stabilize her balance, and swung her leg back over to land on solid ground. _What a stupid thought, anyway._ _Suicide_.

And that was when she saw it.

"What the hell…?" She took a couple small steps forward. Then a few more. Closer and closer, until she was right in front of it. Kneeling down, and once again ignoring the dull throbbing that had returned to her legs, she picked it up.

"A…a notebook?" She blinked. How had she not noticed this? It hadn't been there when she first showed up. She was sure of it.

But then…where had it come from?

She had heard it fall. Had someone passed by and dropped it? No, that didn't work. They would have said something if they had seen her hanging over the edge. Probably something along the lines of "Get off of there, you stupid bitch!" She frowned. Whatever-the point was, that theory didn't make sense.

_Oh, well. Not my problem. _She was going to chuck it away, but curiosity got the better of her. She looked at the book's cover.

"De…Death…Note? Death Note? What the hell does that mean?" She stood up, and reached for her bag. "Is this like some Satanist's diary, or something?" At that, Ryuk had to snort. She had a sense of humor. She resumed her walk down the road. Meh, she'd figure it out later. She held it under her arm, and focused her thoughts instead on arriving home in one piece. This neighborhood could be pretty nasty sometimes, especially at night. She really didn't want any run ins with the local AA rejects, or the small time hustlers.

Ryuk watched her fade into the shadows, the smirk on his face no longer a mere mask. Now, he would play the waiting game. He laughed softly.

**…**

'CLICK' 'CREEE…'

"Ah…hell sweet hell."

The apartment was dark, save for the light filtering in from the open doorway. The girl flicked on a switch, and slammed the door shut behind her with a good kick. She let her gaze travel around the small room.

The place was better off kept pitch black. It was small and dingy, and had the permanent odor of old age and pesticide. The glass sliding door was cracked, the ragged curtains barely hiding this fact. The floor was scuffed and stained, and would constantly groan, even when no one was walking across.

Its walls were a faded off white, with a few random pictures tacked up here and there-mostly newspaper clippings, and one single photograph. There was a small plastic table in the center of the room, with a navy blue cushion on the floor. The table was low, so she sat on the ground. A tiny TV was perched on a cardboard box in the corner. It worked, but barely. And she was too piss-poor to fix it or upgrade.

There was a small door to her left, which led to a toilet and shower. The water was usually cold, sometimes lukewarm, and the toilet pipes would always get plugged. Apparently, one of the other tenants in the building didn't know what a trashcan was. Right up against the same wall was a ratty foldout mat, with a couple of sheets and blankets thrown over it. Her bed, since she couldn't afford a nice one. This was only made worse when she would wake up to find a bug of some kind scuttling across the floor at close range. For all that poison, it didn't seem to have worked in keeping the insect population in check.

"Alright, what do we have to eat in this dump?" She insulted the place on a regular basis-but then again, who paid the bills? With the amount of money she made at her job, a rat hole like this was all she could afford. At least it was shelter.

She walked in, dropping her bag on the floor. She turned to the right, to face a cabinet and small cooler. She opened the wooden storage device.

"Hmmm…looks like we're eating cold soup again. Oh, well." She pulled out a can, and plunked it on the table. She proceeded to fish around in her bag, until she finally found a Swiss army knife. One of her most prized possessions-as well as her only means of defense.

'TUNK' She stabbed the top of the can, and continued to slice through the thin metal until she was able to lift the jagged lid up. Her fingertips scraped against it slightly, but she didn't care. It had happened before, many times. She was used to it. She flipped the knife shut, and opened another appendage on the red life saver-a spoon. Sticking it into the can, she began to eat.

"Heh…nice place." Ryuk surveyed the mortal as she consumed her cold meal, an expression of irritation beginning to take form. Her existence was rather miserable-maybe even worse than his. He laughed quietly. He couldn't wait until she actually found out what that little book could do. It would definitely liven up her routine.

"Uh? Oh yeah-the book." Speak of the devil. She placed the can on the tabletop, and leaned over to grab the black tablet. Picking it up again, she now began to study it carefully.

It was made of a tough material, and was all black. 'Death Note' was written on the front, in white letters and a strange scrawl. She scoffed, and opened it up. The first few pages were black, with more white writing. She creased her brow slightly. It appeared to be a list of rules.

"Uhh...maybe this is some kind of gamers' guide?" She focused her attention on the first section.

"The human whose name is written in this note…shall die? What? Is this a joke?" She cocked her head. What kind of game could this possibly be? She read on, curiosity now fully piqued. "This note will not take effect unless the writer has the person's face in their mind when writing his or her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected."

She took a deep breath. If this was a joke, it was a pretty sick one. Elaborate, too. To plan all of this out…maybe it was real? _No. No way!_ She shook her head. But she continued reading. There had to be a giveaway in here somewhere; a tipoff that it was a total scam.

"If the cause of death is written within forty seconds of writing the person's name, it will happen…" At reading this statement, she almost dropped the book. She was shaking now.

_Who…who the hell would write something like this? This is insane! Do they actually think that someone would fall for this? It's so obvious! _She steadied herself. _But maybe…if it's so obvious, then…does that make it-could that make it…real? _She paused. The bizarre logic had struck a chord with her.

Slowly, she lifted the book to eye level again, and finished off the page. "After writing the cause of death, details of the death should be written in the next six minutes and forty seconds…"

She could feel it. That urge again. The urge she said she'd never indulge. The urge she had done everything in her power to banish, to the darkest corners of her mind. It had been awakened.

And this time, it was too overwhelming to ignore.

The urge to destroy. To kill.

To make them suffer.

A temptation unlike any other.

She had suffered at their hands her entire life; it was only fair that she finally return the favor! Her expression contorted, into one of burning fury. And what if this little tablet was the means of doing so?

Ryuk noticed her malevolent pause, and leaned closer. Was it sinking in? Did she believe?

_Wait-no! No…I'm not that kind of person. It's not my place to make that decision. _She sighed, and the spell was broken._ You can't sue me for being inquisitive, though... _She forced the feelings down, quieting them with the motion of crossing the room and turning on the dinky little grey box, A.K.A her television.

"Come on, come on, you piece of shit. Work." She hit it a couple of times, in an attempt to cure the bad static. After a few moments of fizzing and crackling, the picture finally came into focus. She grinned. "Alright, the 10:00 news…let's see what you got for me." She sat down cross legged, holding the Death Note, and peered at the screen. Above, Ryuk watched with bated breath. Yes, this human was a very unique character indeed.

"…In top news, the suspect in last week's violent mother and child murders, is set to be released on 150,000 bond tomorrow. Christian Polston, 45, is accused of having stabbed and beaten his thirty-four yr. old girlfriend and eight yr. old daughter to death, on Tuesday. Polston denies all the charges, claiming he was out of the house at the time, and that someone had broken in. Sources close to the couple say, however, that the two did have a tumultuous relationship, and his girlfriend was apparently planning to leave. Polston is well known as an influential player in the stock market scene, as well as a top member of a banking chain. He will be under armed guard at the local prison, until the morning. Our team is also on site, to keep up to date with this startling story…"

"Perfect." The girl blinked, as the image of the murderer flashed on the screen. She pulled out a pen from her bag, and proceeded to write the information down, her mind burned with the image of the smirking bastard. "If anyone needs to go to Hell, it's you." Now, she had to wait. "Forty seconds, right?" Although her conscious mind denied the book, the little voice underneath kept goading her on. It was absolutely determined to prove the Death Note right.

"…thirty-nine…forty." She looked at the screen. "Nothing. I knew it." She turned her head down to the book in her lap. "What a rip."

But just as she was about to shut off the screen…

"Oh?...This just in, we have received breaking news from our team at the penitentiary! Apparently, Polston, the set to be released suspect in the brutal family murder, has just collapsed! Guards said he began convulsing, and fell to the floor…"

'THUMP' The book had slipped from her grasp. She watched the screen intently now, eyes wide.

"…It's official! We have just received the confirmation-Christian Polston is dead! I repeat, the suspect and alleged perpetrator of Tuesday's mother/child murders is dead! They're not sure what the cause is yet-oh, wait-the medics are on scene-yes…yes…" There was a long pause. The young girl's legs were shaking.

"…I see. It's official, then. Christian Polston is dead, of a heart attack. I repeat…"

"No…no way. No way. No way! It can't be!" She shut the TV off with a swift flick of the hand. She slowly picked up the black notebook, and took a few steps back.

"It…it can't be. It just can't. It has to be a coincidence. Yeah, that's it. Coincidence. The fucker must've been so guilty about what he did, that his heart gave out. Yeah…" She undid the braid in her hair, and placed the Note on the table. She cleaned up her dinner remains, before searching through another cardboard box for a change of clothes. She was still shaking.

"It's coincidence. That's all. Just a twist of fate. Nothing more, nothing less. That's not enough proof that the Death Note works…yeah, not enough…" she continued murmuring. And yet, as she tried to reassure herself of this, she felt a rush inside, almost like a sort of…triumph. Had she just ridded the world of someone who had taken two lives without any hesitation at all, and therefore didn't deserve to live themselves? Or was she just trying to make herself feel better? She was still conflicted as she headed into the bathroom to shower. At that moment, Ryuk looked away. Shinigami or not, humans still need at least a bit of privacy.

Besides, there was more fun to be had in the morning. Oh, yes. Eventually, the point would get through to her: that the Death Note was real. And then, he would make his grand entrance. _Goodbye boredom, hello mayhem!_

He cackled as he lay down, waiting for the dawn to arrive. He would be back in business in no time.

**A/N: Alright, welcome. It's me, Kami-Inu, here to edit my ridiculously long Author's Note. XD Originally, it was a mess of babbling about inspiration and favorites. Now, it's simply here to explain the layout of the fic. **

**One, it's an AU (Alternate Universe), set after the original 'DN' series ends. This also introduces a handful of new faces on the Death God front. Two, the main character is an OC (Original Character). And three, there's a pairing here between the OC and the Shinigami Ryuk. He's the other character who this story focuses around. I'm doing my best to pull these concepts off as smoothly and believably as I can, but it's not always easy. Any and all feedback is appreciated; what was enjoyed, and what could be improved. I'm all ears. ^^**

**Okay, next time: Kirau is still skeptical, but not for long. A new test forces her to admit that the impossible actually exists, right in her hands-and our favorite Death God finally takes the plunge back to Earth. Or at least, this Earth…;p See ya!**

**=^.^=**


	2. Hello

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note. All rights belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I only own my OC's-'Kirau', and…that's it, for main characters. And this particular fanfic. Thank you.**

**A/N: Hey, this is a reposting of the second chapter! I wasn't getting many hits or any reviews/favorites...but after a little reworking, with some advice, I now have 3 reviews for chapter 1! (BTW, I apologize for the title confusion-'The Nameless' was the original title, but I changed it after I posted the first ch. Gomenasai.) Anyways, this A/N is a thank you shout-out to those 3 wonderful people! Here you go!**

**.LawlietxRinoa: Thank you so much for the advice on your forum-which is a wonderful idea, I must add-as well as the sweet review and favorite! You are made of epic win. And your Death Note Beatles song parody fic is amazing. I can't wait for the next update! Arigato gozaimasu, LawlietxRinoa-sama! **

**.Moonshine 369: Thanks for the nice review! Again, I apologize for any confusion I caused you...'puppy dog eyes' 'whimpers'...but I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter! You gave my story a chance, and I appreciate it. And, I took your advice as well, and changed the summary once again. Hopefully, it's clear yet enticing now. Thanks again! Ja-ne!**

**.Kazulallan:**** Hey! Thanks for the review! I guess you could say that...although her ideals/ideas are way different than Light's...but, yes, she's somewhat taking on the infamous title of 'Kira'. Watch and see what happens. Again, thank you very much for the review! 'smiles'**

**And now, onto chapter 2 of 'WTP'! Onward! Into the Mouth of Madness!  
**

**Welcome to Psychosis  
**

"Aw, crud! Now what?"

It was afternoon on a Tuesday, and the grocers was closed. The blond kicked at the asphalt as she headed down the street. She didn't have a phone, so of course the old fart couldn't call her to let her know earlier. And she'd really wanted to work today, too…

She hung her head low, as she maneuvered through the hustle and bustle of the city. After the events that had taken place last night, she'd needed a distraction-even one as pathetic as a dead end job. She had barely slept at all-not like that was anything new-except for the reason why.

As her thoughts wandered back to the previous night, her bag suddenly felt so very heavy. That strange tablet was in there-the 'Death Note'. There was no way that it actually had the power to take human lives…right?

_Although, it might be nice…a good change of pace…_these words drifted through her mind lazily, like the cigarette smoke that hung in the air on every other corner. She stopped at a worn bench, and sat down.

Yes, she had to admit-it would be nice. She'd decided, since no one could see into her conscious, it would be fine to accept this fact-a fact that had been haunting her back from when she was a child. She leaned into the seat, and closed her eyes.

It was true, though-you could deny it all you like, but it still remained-the world was a festering shithole. She had been exposed to this fact early on in life, when she was supposed to have been chasing butterflies and dreaming of princes on white horses. She had abandoned those frivolous ideals ages ago. It was probably one of the things that helped her to survive for so long…well, 19 years. The point was, since she wasn't expecting anything good to happen, it didn't faze her at all when things fell apart. The ultimate defense mechanism.

Was she so wrong to feel nothing towards the majority of her fellow 'human' counterparts? Could you really blame her? Every single day, at least 10 different stories, of violence in some form or another, against someone, somewhere. Murder, war, domestic disturbances, child abuse, rape, burglary, drunken rage, suicide, etc-it was never ending. The cycle was enough to make her gag.

So was it really so bad to find an interest in that little black notebook, a book that promised not just power, but hope? A future? An end? She pondered this in silence.

Ryuk stood over the portal, anxious with anticipation. He could tell-her qualms were weakening, but she was still a bit skeptical. All he needed was one more victim-just one more life, to prove that in her hands…she held the ultimate equalizer of death. He chuckled softly.

He was certain he would have fun with this human. She didn't sleep, for one thing-she'd been tossing and turning, eventually opting to pace back and forth for a few hours. She reminded him of an animal…like him…an animal in a cage. Waiting for something spectacular to happen…something bigger and better to come along. Though, she hadn't fully admitted it yet-he had.

And her attitude-oh, what a joy. From flipping off traffic when a particularly impatient louse had gone against the light and nearly turned her into road kill, to fighting her way through the crowds, to her random sayings and colorful words that would brighten up any conversation-yes, she would be fun. She wasn't nearly as uptight as Light had been. It would be amusing to see how she would put the Death Note to use. Her mental instability just seemed to add to the charm.

But before that could happen, she needed to be convinced of its abilities.

And the final lock was about to be undone.

"'Giggle' Uh…excuse me?"

The ragged girl's head shot forward at the high pitched sound. Her eyes readjusted to the noon daylight, as her vision returned to focus.

In front of her was a group of 3 young women. They were her age at least, maybe a few years older. One was in what appeared to be hospital attire. The other 2 were dressed in casual wear. They were looking at her with expressions similar to one who has just stepped in something foul. The nurse wore a sweet smile-too sweet. It was fake.

"Yeah? Can I help you?" She really hated to be bothered-as she'd stated before (mentally), she wasn't quite fond of the human race.

"Um, I'm _so_ sorry, but could you like, move? Please? We need this bench." She batted her lashes, which were heavily layered with chunky mascara. The blond's eyes narrowed. She didn't like her tone. "Why, may I ask?"

"No, you may not." One of the other 2 tried to take a step forward. But the nurse held her back.

"Well, you do know that it's illegal to camp out on public property, right?" Her voice was sugary, but it was dripping with contempt. "You should really leave, before someone reports you."

"Yeah, and get a job while you're at it!"

The girl clenched her fist at this remark. Oh, how she wanted to cuss her out _so badly…_strangle her with words. But, instead, she took a deep breath.

"I'm not homeless." The words were quick and low.

"Oh, _really?_ I would have never guessed!" The nurse made a mock display of shock, and the other 2 snickered. The blond glared.

That was when she noticed her nametag.

'Jennifer Pai', was the name printed across in neat black text, followed by a small picture of said person.

And the blond began to grin. An idea was forming in her mind...a devious one. But at least it would settle the matter once and for all.

She stood up, surprising the 3 women with the sudden motion. She put on her best smile.

"I am _so_ sorry. Here, you can have this bench-I don't need all the room anyway. How selfish of me." She giggled, before picking up her bag and walking away. "Bye-bye."

Even as they grew smaller behind her, she could still hear their irking tones-bitches voices tended to carry. "Ugh. Whatever."

"Yeah. What a weirdo."

"Yeah, she was so totally homeless!"

"Probably retarded, too!"

They broke out in laughter. But this didn't bother the blond one bit.

She sat down against a small building-a single row of smoke and pawn shops. She unzipped her bag, and pulled out the strange tablet plus a pen.

_Well, here goes nothing. This'll be the ultimate test. God, I must be crazy._ No objections there. With that, she began to write.

'Jennifer Pai

Traffic accident'

She shut the book and capped the pen, and looked down the street. The 3 women were already standing up to leave. She growled-they had only asked for the bench just to mess with her. Why did people feel such need to cut down those around them?

_Some nurse…she probably yells at the patients for interrupting her fuck-buddy time with the rest of the staff. _She gritted her teeth. She'd had more than her share of lousy doctors and such in the past...she hated the thought of anyone else having to go through the same thing. Although she had her issues with humans, she wasn't a sadist…anyone in the hospital would be suffering enough as is. To mistreat them…that was an abuse of power. Power that they didn't deserve in the first place.

'BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEP'

'SCREECH'

"EEEK!"

"Oh my God! Get out of the way!"

"Look out"-

'KRASH' 'KRNCH'

Her head snapped up. She scrambled to her feet, grabbing her things, and began jogging down the street. An accident…could it be…?

"Oh my God! Oh my God oh my God oh my God…_NOOO_!"

"What the fuck?! _What the fuck?!_ You son of a…'retch'"

She skidded to a halt.

A car had smashed into a light post. The front fender was completely caved in, and the windshield was shattered, but the driver was alive. He was on his knees, yelling and sweating. A few steps away, passersby were trying to hold back a young woman who was screaming and cursing, vomit and spit dripping down her chin. Another woman lay in a crumpled, sobbing heap upon the sidewalk.

There were deep tire tracks across the road, leading to the crushed vehicle. And there, off to the side…

"JENNIFER!" The name rung, like a single alarm, echoing through the girl's ears, into her throat, down her spine…the chills were beginning to devour her whole. She clutched at herself, the black notebook pressed against her chest. It was all she could do to keep from snapping.

The once living Jennifer Pai had been reduced to bloodstains and shredded garments, and limbs that weren't supposed to bend that way. Her face…her smirking, catty face, had become a dark red swirl, like a sickening salsa; the stuff horror movie cannibals would whip up in their kitchens of depravity. It appeared as if she'd been hit head on and had flown a few feet, before tumbling to a gruesome stop. Her nurse's scrubs were drenched in blood. Her hair hung limp around her head, her lifeless body resembling a broken doll…like the porcelain doll that had fallen off of the shelf, when she was 5…but there was no way on this Earth to put Jennifer back together.

She turned and ran. She ran, ran the whole way back to her abode. She didn't stop, refused to pause-everything flew past in a hazy blur. All she knew were the incessant thoughts in her mind, pounding out to the rhythm of her pulse.

_It's real. It's real. It's real._

_She's dead. She's dead. She's dead._

_Murderer. Murderer. Murderer._

Ryuk was laughing now. It had finally happened! And, boy what a show! That accident had been epic. An amazing display of gore and tragedy. He extended his wings, still chortling, and proceeded to make his way down.

It was time to play.

**...**

'SLAM'

She had arrived home in one piece-how, she'd never know. She didn't even remember rushing up the steps and unlocking the door. She was just…there.

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit!" Her bag slipped off her shoulders, and the Death Note fell alongside it. She was frozen for a few moments. Then…

"Augh!" She ran to the bathroom, and collapsed in front of the toilet. Her body heaved, and her throat burned. The tears began to well up in the corners of her eyes. She gripped at the side of the bowl, and clawed at the cracked, crumbling tiles. She was shaking.

_So, it's official then. I killed her…no, I killed the both of them. I can't hide from it any more. _She took a deep, shuddering breath. _It works. It really works. I don't know how, but it works. _

_And now, I'm a murderer._

She staggered to her feet, and clutched at the countertop, leaning into the mirror, staring at her haggard reflection. She turned on the tap, but just let it run. She continued staring.

"I've…" she finally croaked out. "I've…killed. Killed 2 people." She repeated it over and over, as if it were a mantra. She wanted to hope beyond hope that this was a dream, but the pain in her chest and the smell told her otherwise. It was real.

At long last, she splashed some cold water on her flushed cheeks. "I killed 2 people. With that book. I've committed the ultimate sin. My hands…are stained with the blood…of innocents…"

Her head snapped up. Wait a minute. Innocents? Them?

"No way. No _fucking_ way. I saw them-and I've seen many more like them. They weren't innocent!" Her stormy sea eyes narrowed. That's right. One was a murderer himself, a big shot about to get off with a slap on the wrist. And the other…was a condescending whore.

_But still…what gives me the right to judge? _She took another deep breath, as she flushed the toilet, and washed her hands. She wasn't exactly a saint herself. And the things _she'd_ experienced…

She stepped out into the main room, and her eyes landed by the front door. The little black book was just sitting there on the floor, as if it had always belonged to her; had always been a part of her. She stomped over.

"You." She picked up the notebook, with all the intention to tear it apart right then and there.

But as her thin fingers wrapped around the spine, she found that she couldn't do it. It was like an invisible leash-something pulling at her deep inside, refusing to let her take that drastic step. She kneeled down.

"Then……then, what…do I do? What am I supposed to do? Just…let it go? Pretend that nothing happened?" She was now clutching the book to her chest. Her soul was being torn in two. Part of her felt so guilty…but the other half was holding onto that little tablet as if it were her savior.

_Well…it's not as if…anyone'll come after me. I just…I just wrote down a name. That's all. It wasn't as if I pushed her into the car's path. I wasn't even there for the other one. I just wrote down their names…_

She bit her lip, and glanced down once more, at the notebook in her now sweating hands. It had finally dawned on her…exactly what this book was capable of.

And now, what she was capable of.

But would she say yes?

"This world…it's like a seething sore." She slowly rose to her feet. She took a few more deep breaths, albeit ragged ones.

"So, is this…" and she held out the book, at arm's length. "……is this the cure?"

_Well, if it's the cure, and I have it, then that makes me…a doctor, of sorts. _ Somehow, she found her red mouth curving into a grin.

"And they said I was a good for nothing." She began to chuckle.

She'd show them. She'd show them all. This world was a rotten mess, with rotten people-and she may not have been perfect…but at least she admitted it. She refused to shove it under the rug.

And this was the outcome.

Whatever the reason, she had found this book. A book that possessed the power of death-and all she needed was a pen, a face, and a name to use it.

Was this the true point of her existence? Was she meant to suffer, only to be given the ultimate tool of judgment? It certainly seemed so…

"Then…...I'll do it. I'll clean up this world. I'll make it…the kind of place you'd want to live. The kind of place it should be. Should've been." With that, she cradled the book in her arms, brushing it against her cheek. It seemed to cool the rising heat under her flesh.

"Finally. I was wondering when you'd get it through your thick head. And I thought I'd seen the worst of 'em."

"What?! Who-who said that?!" In shock and fear, she whirled around…and came face-to-face with…

"Yo." What stood before her…either she was on a trip to Hell, or she was seeing one of the most bizarre and demented hallucinations ever concocted…though, the same could be said for her looks-in her opinion. But that wasn't the issue here. The remaining color drained from her cheeks, and she squeaked out the only word that came to mind; that seemed appropriate at a time like this:

"Fuck."

And with that, she collapsed.

"……Uh…wow." Ryuk had been expecting surprise on the female's part, but not like this. This was the first time anyone had ever passed out due to his appearance. Even that one criminal had at least made it out of the bus while screaming…of course, then he had become a street pancake.

He took a few steps forward, until he was looming over the unconscious girl. He studied her fallen form.

Jeez, she was skinny. Her legs were long-he hadn't noticed that before. But they were so thin. And pale. And covered in scars. Bruises too. The scrapes from yesterday were quite apparent as well. She wasn't wearing tights today. But she was wearing another pleated skirt.

Her fragile form seemed to be drowning in her red and black striped sweater. Why were her clothes so baggy? Did she purposely buy clothing that was 3 sizes too big? Her messy blond brown hair stuck out in the tangled braid, bits and pieces grazing her snow white cheeks and shoulders.

Her heavily outlined eyes were shut, her blood red lips slightly parted. The bags under her eyes were still as prominent as ever-then again, it had only been one day. Shadows don't disappear overnight-if they ever leave at all. And her tiny hands were still gripping at the Death Note, as if for dear life.

All in all, she was an interesting spectacle. He smirked, sharp teeth pressing together. Yes, it would be something to watch the variety of mayhem _she_ would cause.

Well, as soon as she woke up.

With that, he sat on her bed, and proceeded to wait once again.

**...**

"……uggh…"

His head perked up. It had been close to 2 hours…he was surprised he'd been this patient. Whatever. The point was, she was finally stirring.

"Mmm…ngh…" Her face scrunched and creased, as she rolled over, still clutching the black book to her chest. She seemed to be a bit…uncomfortable…

"Ugh…jeez…what the…" She sat up slowly, and blinked a few times before rubbing her eyes. "Damn…one hell of a dream…" she yawned. He smirked once more.

"What dream?" She froze.

_Oh no…oh no oh no oh no…it can't be…_she forced herself to turn around.

It was.

That…_thing_, was still there.

And now, it was sprawled on her bed.

Groggy as her body was, she forced herself to her feet. She swayed a bit, as she took a few seconds to steady herself.

"You…" she started. He simply stared, a smile on his face. What the hell was she supposed to _call_ it, anyway?! It appeared to be male...but did it even really exist? There was only one way to find out.

Slowly, she took a step forward. Then another. And another. She continued this, until there was but a single half-space between the 2. He was still staring. She knelt down in front of him.

_If…this thing…really is…here…then I should…be able…to touch it. If not, then…I'm on my way to the white walls and pills up the wazoo. _She carefully extended a small, slender hand, and reached towards his face. He was confused, but made no motion to stop her. At least she was conscious.

'POKE' Her fingertips were pressed against his forehead. Her eyes widened slightly.

_Uhh…I can feel it. It has a texture... _She gulped. Oh, boy. The skin underneath hers was cold-and hard. It was rough, but not jagged. Although, it was quite pale. Paler than hers. It was…an unusual experience, to say the least.

Ryuk, for the first time in forever, felt awkward. A few seconds had passed, and then few more. Why wasn't this human letting go?! He felt the warmth from her fingertips-they were practically burning him. And she was _way_ too close…every breath she took would graze his face. So, he did what he had to.

He disappeared.

"Wha"- Where'd he go? He had been there-and suddenly, he wasn't!

"Uh? WAAH!" 'WHUMP' Unfortunately, she had been leaning over to reach him, and as soon as he vanished, her balance failed her, and she fell face first into the mat. "Urf…"

"It's your own damn fault. You weren't letting go." He was standing by the bathroom door, staring down at her, grin in place. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, which soon became annoyance. Was he mocking her?

She straightened up quickly, and glared at him, arms crossed. The Death Note now lay flat on her lap "Who the fuck are you?" She tilted her head. "You some kinda demon, come to take me to Hell? It'll probably be better than this. Jeez, anything'll be better than this crap-trap. I ain't gonna kick and scream for you. So there." And she stuck out her tongue.

He took a moment to collect his thoughts.

When he did open his mouth to speak…

"Uh? What the-why are you laughing at me?!" She flailed her arms. "Shut up!" Who did this jerk think he was, anyway?!

Well…aside from being a messenger for the Devil.

"Whoo…oh, man…I knew I was right to pick you. You're a riot!" He chuckled. "I'm not here to take you anywhere, nor am I from Hell. You humans and your insane fantasies…and I thought Light's was nutty. You take the cake."

"Then what are you?! A reject Joker?!" This guy was really pushing her buttons! And it was pissing her off!

"I'm a Shinigami." Her heart skipped a beat. "And I'm here…'cause of that lil' book you got there."

She paled. "This…this is…_yours_?" For some reason, she felt her thin hands bring the black book to her chest once more, almost protectively.

"Yep. But don't worry. I ain't here for any sort of payment, or to collect the Note." She raised an eyebrow. Wasn't that what-things like _this_-would bother coming to Earth for in the first place?

"Then…" she trailed off.

"I dropped that Death Note _on purpose,_ just so _you_ would find it."

**A/N: Welcome, welcome, to WTP, ch. 2! I hope you enjoyed this-it took a while to jot down, and then I had to edit everything...but, yeah. If you love something, then the work is worth it, ne? Anyways...please drop me a line, once again! I'd really like to know if I'm doing a decent job on this story. I'm going to keep updating...and I'd like to know more about what kind of audience I have out there in cyberspace. Okay, yeah, I kind of ended it on a cliffy, but do not fear-the meeting sequence will be completed in the next update, and our female lead will finally be named! She will also be forced to get used to a roomate unlike any other. LOL. Again, let me know how I'm doing on everything, like the death sequences, and the characterizations-that's the one thing that really makes me worry at night. I can only cross my fingers and hope that they're acurate enough (Ryuk) and appealing (OC). Tell me if she's interesting and decently believable...Okay, I'm off to prepare the next chapter. Laters. Send me some love, please! 'puppy eyes' Moo! Okay, enough begging. I'm probably scaring away the readers. Ja-ne. **


	3. Fruit

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note. All rights belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I only own my OC's-'Kirau', and…that's it, for main characters. And this particular fanfic. Thank you.**

**A/N: Whee! Before I let the new chapter get started, I have more shout outs to give to my wonderful audience! Thank you so much for the nice reviews, favorites, and alerts! You guys are awesome! LawlietxRinoa, Moonshine 369, Kazulallan, AjRaven666, Z-AKA Andrea-, and IEatChicken. Again, arigato gozaimasu to all of you! EPIC WINS FOR ALL! Now, on with the show!  
**

**Welcome to Psychosis**

She almost bit through her tongue. The blood started to flow. She didn't care.

As of that moment, everything she knew, for her entire 19 miserable years of life, had been shattered.

Ryuk stared at her, grin still in place, although he was a bit confused. His words seemed to have a bigger effect on the girl than he thought they would…

After a few more moments of silence, she spoke.

"Y-you-you dropped this……just for me? Me?? Why me?!" She was frantic, she was joyous, she was bewildered, she was terrified. How was she supposed to react? Most people aren't raised to be prepared for things like this! She sure as hell wasn't!

"Yeah. What's the big deal?" He took a step forward. She tensed up.

"But…but…_why_?" She was looking down now. "Why…...why'd you do it? And…why me?" She just couldn't grasp the concept. No human would ever do anything for her…why should a Shinigami be any different?

"Keh." He laughed. She raised her head, and locked eyes with the strange being. "Why? You really wanna know?" She nodded slowly.

"Because…I was bored. And you were the most entertaining of the possible prospects."

Her jaw was hanging. Boredom? Boredom? Freaking _boredom_?! That's why she had just gone through Hell in a mental handbasket-for this clown's amusement?! She stood up, clutching the Death Note. She was angry.

"You jackass!" She waved the book around. "All that-my mind practically fell apart, and it was-it was _all your fault!_ What the fuck?! Who the hell plays with someone's emotions-someone's life like that?! You sick _jerk-off_!!" She was panting. Previous fears had now given way to unchained rage.

He tilted his head. The girl had guts, he'd give her that. Although Light hadn't been afraid of him, he'd never gone so far as to ever cuss him out. This was a first. His grin widened.

"So, how'd you like it?" She froze.

As furious as she was at him, for using her like a toy, she couldn't deny it-she had enjoyed the book-once she'd admitted it.

"I-that's-that's not the point! None of your business!" She turned around, her back facing him, arms crossed, still holding the Death Note tightly.

"Oh, but it is. Since I'm going to be staying with you from now on, I need to know this little fact. It's no fun being roommates with someone who doesn't care to shake things up." That got her attention.

"What?! No, no! You are not staying with me! You're wacko! And I don't give a damn if you're a Shinigami!" Her blue green orbs were now blazing with fire as she stomped over to where he stood, and glared up at him.

"Keh keh keh. Don't worry…no one can see me. Only those who touch the Note. And, rules are rules. So, you're stuck with me. And, since you agreed to use it to 'clean up the world' I'm going to guess that you at least got _some_ sort of pleasure out of it. Am I right?"

She gulped. What was the point of him asking all these questions if he was just going to answer them himself? Could he read her mind or something?

But…it didn't look as if she'd be getting rid of him anytime soon.

"Whatever. I don't care anymore. Do whatever the hell you like." She suddenly felt so very weak…and defeated. She sulked, and plopped down on the dark blue cushion in front of her table. She wanted to be alone. He followed her.

"Leave me be. Haven't you caused enough problems for one lifetime?" Her voice was sullen, and she was focusing on the table as if she wished for it to suddenly burst into flames. Yep-she was aggravated.

"Nope." He floated above her. She couldn't help it-she had to stare.

"You sure don't live up to your name, girl." He chuckled. She shot him another perfected glare. But this time, there was something else underneath it-a mixture of hatred-and longing. "How the hell do you know what my name is?"

"I can see it above your head. All Shinigami possess this ability."

She growled. Of course it would be something hare brained like that. "Don't you _dare_ ever address me by that moniker. Got it?"

"Fine. Then what should I call you?" He rolled over in the air.

"Kirau. That's what everyone else referred to me as. And I accepted it."

Her eyes were now foggy, seeming to glaze over with hidden tears. Ryuk decided not to push the subject any further. It wasn't out of politeness-he just couldn't stand it when female humans cried. It was extremely irking, in his opinion.

"Very well then. I'm Ryuk."

"Ryuk. Right." As if she'd been expecting a God of death to have a normal name as well.

"Sooo…" He tried to think to think of something to lighten the mood. "That lady made for a good piece of road kill, yeah?" She gagged. Then…

"I never…realized…" she trailed off. He straightened up, still hovering. His legs were crossed. "Cars are…very powerful objects…I never could figure out, how car accidents worked. I guess…now I know." She shrugged.

"Yeah, your car accident definitely beats Light's. And that one was a biker hit by a truck." He chuckled. She raised an eyebrow.

"Who is this…'Light', you keep mentioning? He a friend of yours?" He scratched his head.

"Hmmm…you could say that…although I wouldn't. He used to own a Death Note, a long time ago. Real narcissistic. God complex. You get the picture."

"Was he a human? 'Cause he sure sounds like one." She leaned forward, elbows on the tabletop, and rested her chin on her fists.

"Oh, yeah. But, like all humans, he expired. Heh. Too bad. Oh well. Life goes on…for me." He laughed again. She sighed.

"So, what about me?" He became quiet. "I know all humans have to die, but…by using this…this Death Note, have I, like…I don't know, shortened my life, or condemned myself, anything like that?"

He landed on the table. She looked up. "Well, now that you mention it…" Her eyes narrowed.

"No, you haven't shortened your life. There's no consequence for using the Death Note. But…"

"But what?" God, she hated it when people would stall when they had to reveal something important. "Just spit it out, already!"

"Fine. You will suffer a fear and torment that is only known to users of the Note. Also, anyone who uses the Death Note cannot go to Heaven or Hell. You'll find out after you die." He grinned. "That's all."

"Oh." She crossed her arms, and placed them against the table. She put her head down. "Alright. I can accept that."

"Really, now." He leaned over.

"Yes…fear and torment is basically paranoia. I know it well enough already. And it's not like Heaven would've taken me in, anyway. Plus, Hell would've gotten boring, in time. Just like everything else. So, I'm prepared for nothing. And that's the way it should be." She blew a strand of loose hair away from her eyes and stared off into the distance-which was the lower wall on the left side of the room.

"That's a very interesting way of looking at it." Rather philosophical thought for a screw-head. He was certain-Kirau was going to create one heck of a spectacle for him. He couldn't wait.

But for now…

"Hey." She glanced up. He was clasping his hands together, wringing them. He seemed anxious. She sighed once more. "What now?"

"You got any apples?"

She lifted her head. "Apples?" She swung an arm out, to motion at the decrepit scenery of her room. "Look at this place. Do you really think I would keep apples here?" She rested her chin against the plastic table. "Besides…apples are too good for me."

He ignored that last comment. "You need to get apples."

"Why?"

"Because I need them."

She raised her head again. "Why in the blue blazes would a death God need to eat?" Was he trying to mess with her, or something?

He shook his head. "No, no, no! They're not for food!"

"Then what's the point of them?"

"I…" Looks like he'd have to give her the speech, just like he'd given Light ages before. He took a deep breath, simply to prepare himself.

"Well…you see, for me…apples are…like cigarettes, or a liquor addiction for humans. If I don't eat them…I go through withdrawl. Really bad withdrawl." Her expression didn't change. He groaned. "I twist my body up like a pretzel, and stand on my head…"

She blinked. Then she blinked again. And then once more.

"Well?! Will you answer already?!" Jeez, now _she_ was starting to irritate _him_.

"I'd like to see that." His jaw was hanging. She turned away.

"Oh, come on! You can't be serious!" He flew over, and almost smacked her in the face from being so close to her.

"What? I'm being honest. And besides, if they're like an addiction for you, then you should quit. Nothing good comes from addictions." She stood up, and headed to the cabinet. He followed.

"You're joking, right? Stop being so sarcastic!" _Please, _he thought to himself, _don't let her be like Light! Or worse than him! _

She raised her eyebrows. Where had the cocky other-worldly creature of a minute ago gone? Ryuk was begging her-for a small red fruit? How the hell did this work? He was practically on his knees! She ran a hand through her bangs.

"Look, fine." He stopped his panicky motions. "If I get these bloody apples for you, will you shut up, and leave me alone, to sort everything out?" She couldn't believe she was doing this-wasting her hard earned money, just to spend it on a bag of apples for an annoying Shinigami who saw her as a little puppet-entertainment for him on a daily basis. But, she never said that Fate had ever dealt her a fair hand.

"Of course! Of course! Can we go now?!" He was almost drooling. She shook her head.

"You're pathetic. Can't believe I was scared of you at first." She grabbed her bag, and went for the door. He eagerly followed. "Yeah! Woo-hoo!" He grinned. Light wouldn't have given in this easily…this was a plus. So what if she wasn't afraid of him? He was getting apples. That's all that mattered.

'CLICK' She shut the door and locked it.

**…………****. **

"Sheesh, this place stinks."

Kirau and Ryuk were walking down the city streets-well, Kirau was. Ryuk was hovering as he followed along.

"What d'you expect? It's the city. The city life sucks. Cities suck." She shoved her hands in her sweater pocket. For a God of death, he sure was dense.

"Oi." There was a crowd huddled up ahead. She stopped walking. Ryuk tilted his head.

"Uh? Oh, yeah…" They had reached the site of the earlier accident. He saw her take in a deep breath. Although the body and car were gone, there were still tire tracks and bloodstains. She gritted her teeth, before continuing on.

"Gee, you're sensitive." If it wouldn't have convinced the civilians passing by that she was absolutely bonkers, she would have slapped him. As it was, she merely shot him a glare.

"Unlike you, I'm not used to the idea of taking lives just yet. Not all of us are quite as ruthless as you." She furrowed her brow.

"But you will be." God, he was irritating. His attitude had returned, and he was being a real bastard about it.

"Don't assume. You make an ass outta 'u' and 'me'." They passed the place of her employment.

"Jesus Christ…going all this way just for fruit." She bit her lip.

"Well, it's my fruit." He sounded so smug.

"You're a fucking fruit." He paused, as he tried to figure out the meaning of that statement. He was an apple? That made no sense. She kept walking.

Eventually, they had reached the supermarket. The doors squeaked, as they slid open.

"Nice." Kirau ignored his comment, as they stepped inside.

There was no way that old pissant's grocers could compare to this place. The store was huge, and they were stocked with everything and anything relating to food, brand name and generic alike. Her head was spinning. She could never work at a business like this.

After much searching, they had found the fruits and produce section. Kirau grabbed a bag of Fuji apples, and headed back to the checkout line. The woman working the register gave her a patronizing look, as she rang up her purchase. After a few more moments of counting out cash and pocketing change, the 2 finally left the gigantic mart. Kirau was glad-places like those always made her twitchy. It was too huge, and everyone always scrutinized her, as if she were a thief. That woman at the cashier's was just one of many to give her the evil eye.

"Alright, we got your damn apples. Don't forget your end of the bargain." The night was descending rapidly, and a breeze had started to blow.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you won't hear a word outta me once we get back." He couldn't wait-apples really were wonderful.

They ascended the stone steps, and she unlocked the door. Flicking on the switch, she dropped her bag, and, after kicking off her boots, headed over to the cooler.

"Come on, come on! Apple, apple! Now!" This time, he really was drooling.

"Okay. Gimme a second." She tore a hole in the plastic, and pulled out one of the fruits. "Catch." She threw it.

"Yes! Come to Ryuk…" He eagerly sunk his teeth into it. Kirau watched, strangely fascinated.

"Is it honestly that good?" She sat down, and glanced at the plastic bag resting on melting ice.

"Uh-huh." He was still munching away.

"I see…" She pulled out another apple, and, after a moment, took a bite. He looked at her.

"Hey-if you wanted one, you should've gotten a bag for yourself." She responded with a very rude hand sign. "Piss off. My money, my rules. And I wanna eat one. Anyways, you're supposed to be quiet. So shut it."

'GULP' He had finished the fruit, core and all. She wasn't even halfway done.

For a few minutes, there was complete silence. Kirau continued chomping at the apple. She had to admit-it had been a while since she'd eaten one, and it was pretty refreshing. Sweet, but not too overdone.

Eventually though, Ryuk couldn't handle it. He needed noise. So, he opted to break his end of the bargain. He would just have to put up with an angry Kirau afterwards.

"Sooo…got anyone else in mind for the Death Note?"

"No." The answer was sharp and short. She hadn't hesitated in letting it pass her lips. He felt himself slouch.

"Why not?" She stopped chewing, and focused her gaze on him. Her blue-green eyes seemed to swirl, as her attention didn't waver. It was kind of unnerving, actually…just a bit.

"Am I supposed to have a list prepared or something? 'Cause I don't." She scoffed. "I have better things to do than remember my enemies. Besides, there's too many of them."

"Keh. That doesn't mean you can't use it. You can write in anyone." She blinked. "I thought you were going to rid the world of its pestilence and plagues?"

"I suppose…but where the hell do I start?" She stretched out her legs, and took another bite from the apple.

"How about the prisons? That's what Light did."

"I don't have access to records…but I do have a TV. It may not have cable, but at least it works." She stood up, and proceeded to turn the tiny set on. After the usual struggle with the picture, she got up to get the book and pen from her bag.

"Sheesh…I can't believe it…I actually have a reason to watch the news now." She finished off the apple, and, after handing the core to a pleading Ryuk, changed the channel a couple of times. This was rather bothersome, as she didn't have a remote to do so.

"Oh-here's one." She watched the announcer intently, and scribbled down the info. A burglary-turned-homicide, with the reason having been for drug money.

And another story-a woman whose child had ended up in the hospital with possible permanent brain damage because of abuse. An apprehended hit and run suspect, a robber who'd been wanted for 3 different heists, a man who had sexually assaulted 2 girls at a bus stop, a wife who had shot her husband and tried to make it look like a suicide because of insurance money, and finally, an arsonist who had killed an elderly couple.

"Whoa…this is crazy." Kirau was staring in disbelief at the page. So many names…and so many different ways to die.

_Prison inmates. Brain aneurisym. Accidents. Overdose. _Ryuk let out a low whistle.

"See? Told ya so. It's fun, isn't it? And you're pretty darn creative, too." He took the book from her shaking hands. "Light never bothered to come up with this many ways to kill 'em off. Too lazy…oh no, wait-it was a part of his 'grand master plan' Heh…plans. Nothing ever goes according to plan." He handed the book back to her. "The only thing certain is that everyone and everything ends, at some point." He laughed.

"I……" She was at a loss. Was the world…no, was the city…this horrible? She had known it was bad, but this…in just 15 minutes, all these names had been jotted down. All from a single place. And, like clockwork, she had assigned a cause of death to each one, unfazed and unflinching. As if it was already a familiar routine. This was…madness.

It was also an eye-opener.

"So…all of them…will die." There was almost a sense of-wonder, in the way she spoke, as if a miracle were going to occur. She closed the black book, seemingly deep in thought. Then…

"Heh…heh heh. They…they're gonna die. They're gonna die." She was smiling, red lips curled up and pressed tight. "And I killed them. They…they hurt others, and now…I hurt them." Ryuk nodded. "Yep. Although I don't think 'hurt' is the exact way to phrase it."

"I see…this is how it works, then." Suddenly, she didn't feel so guilty anymore. Everything had to end or die eventually. She was just speeding up the process for those who shouldn't have been given the gift of life in the first place. "I feel…happy. Happy?" She rolled the word on her tongue. It was so foreign to her…she hadn't experienced it, or spoke of it, in so many years…had she ever been happy in the first place? Did death make her happy, or was it the Death Note? Was she morbid? Was it natural? Was this true happiness-how happiness was supposed to be? Did it even matter? Happy. Happy. Happy. _Happy._ She was happy.

"Keh keh keh. At long last, you accept." He could see it in her eyes-the last of the barriers had shattered. She was no longer restrained-her full potential could be tapped. And boy, did she have a lot of it. Starting tomorrow…the real fireworks were about to begin.

'YAWN' "Urrgh…" Kirau felt her eyes drooping. She was so sleepy…wait, she was sleepy?

"Another miracle." Ryuk didn't ask for an answer to this strange statement. She shut off the TV, and turned off the lights. The glow of streetlamps and the moon filtered in from the sliding door. The cracks created an unusual pattern upon the floor. She knelt down, and crawled onto her mat. She pulled up the covers, and closed her eyes. She finally felt tired…because she was free.

"'Night, Ryuk," she mumbled into the pillow. He rose into the air, and rolled over.

"Aww…" he had been hoping she was a night person. Her movements yesterday had seemed to point to that conclusion. Guess that day had taken a lot out of her. Or maybe it was simply that she wasn't holding back anymore, and therefore could rest freely. He shrugged. Whatever. There was plenty of time to play in the morning.

Now that she had released all her inhibitions, the games could properly commence. He grinned, and looked at the sleeping female upon the floor. She was already proving to be leaps and bounds different than Light. No God ideals here. Just the uncharted territory of a sick mind.

Though…he had to wonder, even just a bit…what had made her this way.

Or _who_.

_Ah, whatever. _The girl shuffled under the blankets, and he noticed that she was still holding the Death Note. His grin widened.

Yes…he couldn't wait for the morning.

As soon as the sun rose…

_Showtime._

**A/N: Alright, ch. 3! How y'all doing? Good? I hope so. This was a pretty intense chapter for me to envision. But, I enjoy writing this fic. So please, drop me a line. This is something very new for me to try in terms of stories/fanfics, and I want to know how I'm doing with it. How well is this story progressing? Is Ryuk in character? Does Kirau evoke anything in the readers? Love, hate, confusion? Anything at all? Is she believable? How do you feel about her relationship with Ryuk so far? How are the descriptions in regards to the Death Note, backgrounds, deaths, dialogue, etc.? I really need feedback. It lets me know what kind of audience I have out there in cyberspace, if any. And it lets me know if I'm doing good, or if I need to improve on certain things. Okay? Next chapter delves deeper into the Death Note-as well as Kirau's insanity. How will Ryuk deal with a full blown mental case? Especially one that curses like a sailor? You'll have to read it to find out. But first, you have to wait for the update. Before I leave, I was wondering: how would you guys feel about fanart? I've been working on pictures for all 3 of my fics, but I haven't posted any of them. If you're interested in fanart for this fic though, I will. Also, if you have any requests as well, I'll take them into consideration. Just curious. That's all. 'Kay, that's it for this A/N. Remember-reviews make the world go 'round. Ja-ne. **


	4. Dazed

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note. All rights belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I only own my OC's-'Kirau', and…that's it, for main characters. And this particular fanfic. Thank you.**

**A/N: Before we begin, I just want to give another shout out to all my wonderful reviewers/favers/subscribers! I hope I've included everyone! Here you go! Bitter. Farewell, LawlietxRinoa, Kazulallan, AjRaven666, Z-AKA Andrea-, IEatChicken, Frenzy-girl, tormented123, xXxCrimsonxTearxXx, and Eriklover101. Thank you all! I hope you're having fun with this fic so far! I sure am...anyways, on with the update!  
**

**Welcome to Psychosis**

"Jesus Christ, you retard! Get outta here!"

It was around 8:00 am on Wednesday morning, and the day was already being dragged through the mud.

Kirau had been awakened-rudely, she might add-by a hyperactive Shinigami at 6:00 am, which she was not used to at all. She usually would sleep in, when she would be sleeping at all, until around 1 or 2 in the afternoon, and then start preparing for her shift at the grocers. This was new for her-and she didn't like it, to say the least. 'Not a morning person' didn't even begin to cover it.

After a breakfast consisting of dried cereal and a can of iced tea-her last one-she had headed to the bathroom to take a quick shower and change clothes, as she hadn't done so the night before. She hadn't had to worry about her new roommate peeking in on her while she was bathing, but he did barge in while she was applying her eyeliner. She almost went blind. Not to mention that if the pencil had broke, she would've had to shell out 1.25 for another one…and she couldn't exactly afford that at the moment. She'd been using the same pencil for about 2 years, along with her lipstick. Go figure-they actually lasted that long.

Now, she was sitting on the floor, the bag of apples in her lap. And Ryuk was desperately trying to calm her down.

"Please, don't do this."

"Piss off." She flipped him the bird. "I'll eat this whole bag in one sitting, and watch you squirm. How d'you like that, huh?"

"Alright, look. I'm…I'm…s-s-s-ss-_sorry_." God, it pained him to say those 2 words. But hopefully, they'd get through to her. "There. Happy now?" He crossed his arms. "I never apologize. Feel lucky. You just witnessed a rare feat."

"Good." She turned her head. "But I'm still not giving these back."

"AAUGH!" She jumped slightly-she hadn't expected the smart-ass to actually yell. Did these things really mean that much to him?

"You sadistic bitch!" Ryuk was not one to scream or swear-except when his apples were on the line. Shinigami pride meant nothing when it came to his precious fruits. She raised an eyebrow.

"You'll have to do better than that." She yawned. He floated over to her.

"Come on…please put them back. If you do, I'll…" he tried to think of something appealing.

_Huh…this knucklehead's willing to do anything for his addiction, hm? Well, then…_she smirked, as an idea came to her twisted mind.

"Tell me about yourself. And some more about the Death Note. Whatever I ask." She narrowed her eyes. "If you agree to this, then I'll leave them alone. Got it?"

"Eh? Whaaat? No way! I don't feel like sharing right now…" He started to sulk, but the glare on her face and the tightening grip around the plastic bag told him that she was dead serious. He growled. "Fine. Nosy little runt…"

She smiled now. "Good choice." After putting the apple bag back in the cooler, she returned her attention to the twitching and fuming Shinigami. She sat down.

"Well?" she questioned.

"Well what?!" He was very irritated right now.

"Speak." It sounded like an owner commanding a dog. "Who are you, what are you, how are you, etc-the basics." She leaned back a bit.

"Ryuk, Shinigami, pissed off. Happy now?" She frowned. "No."

"Well, what d'you want me to say?!"

"I know why you gave me the Death Note, but…what made you give it to that Light guy?"

He tilted his head. "I _didn't_ give it to him. I just dropped it, out of boredom. And he just happened to pick it up. Unlike you, he wasn't specifically chosen." He rose into the air.

"Alright." She would never say it aloud, but to know that this time around, she had actually been selected to use the Note…it made her feel…just the tiniest bit…_elated_. "Why do you have to stay with me?"

"Because-I'm attached to the Note. Once it falls into the human world, it becomes a part of the human world. And once a human picks it up, it becomes the property of said human. Therefore…"

"You're my property?" She wrinkled her nose. "That just sounds _so_ wrong. I'd rather refer to you as a pet. Like a dog." Kirau grinned. Ryuk grumbled. "How is _that_ any better?"

"Moving on. What's the point of you having the Death Note?" This had been bugging her for some time now-well, the past day. "It's your job, but…aren't you guys immortal? What does it do for you?"

"Ah." He waved a clawed finger in her face. She blinked. "Contrary to popular belief, we aren't immortal. That's where the Note comes in. For every human we choose to off, we get half of their remaining lifetime added to ours."

"Whoa…really? That's nuts." He nodded. "That's the life of a Shinigami."

"So, you can die…" she bit her lip at this thought.

"Well…if we're really lazy, and don't bother writing any names, then yeah. We'll die naturally. But for the majority of us, we can get shot, knifed in the heart, whatever-and still keep on ticking." He shrugged. "Although, a way to kill a Shinigami _does_ exist…"

"Really? A specific way?" She leaned forward. "What is it?"

He snorted. "You honestly believe I'd tell _you_ that, of all people? I don't think so."

"And why not? Afraid I'll use it against you?"

"Exactly."

"You suck." She crossed her arms. "Well…" she tried to think of another question. "Okay, I've got one. What's up with you knowing my name, even though I never told you what it was? You said something about being able to see it?"

"Yep." He grinned. "One of the perks of being a death God-the Shinigami eyes. We can see your name, as well as how much time you have left to live. And, once you convert it into human years…" He raised a hand to his throat, and made a slicing motion. "So we never make mistakes when jotting down names. We always know who we're targeting." She shivered, but she was also grinning.

"That's awesome. To know a person's name, with no effort at all…the whole world would be at my mercy"-She froze. Had she just uttered that aloud? That was a horrible thing to say! She didn't want power…she just wanted a world that everyone could enjoy. _And if a few lives have to be sacrificed for this to be accomplished, then so be it. I know who to take out… _She frowned.

Ryuk leaned closer. "Sooo…the idea of the Shinigami eyes interests you, huh?"

She glanced up. He was almost…_leering _at her. What was up with him now?

"Yeah, they do. So what? You don't like the idea of me thinking you're cool?" His grin faltered-but only for a moment. He stretched out even closer to her. "What's your problem?"

"There's a deal which exists. Traditionally, it's supposed to be open to the human who picks up the Note, and the death God who owns the Note." His sharp teeth seemed to be gleaming just as much as his eyes.

She inhaled sharply, leaning back. "A deal?"

"Uh-huh. Since you are the current owner of my Death Note, I can grant you the gift of the Shinigami eyes…" her orbs widened and her jaw dropped, "…for a price."

She sat up straight. Of course. Everything good always came with a price. Such was the way of life. She steeled herself. "What is it?"

He chuckled. "For one pair of Shinigami eyes, the price would be…" he paused, knowing how it irked her so, "…half of your remaining lifetime."

'WHUMP' She had fallen backwards. Apparently, she'd been holding her breath as well, because she was now panting. He floated up, and rolled over.

"Half…of my remaining lifetime? My life? My…" she raised a hand to her face. "…my lifespan?"

"Yeah. It's a really simple procedure…just like putting on a pair of contacts." He cackled.

"Contacts…" she was still hung up on the thought of losing half of her remaining lifespan, simply to know the names of those around her. It would definitely save her time when she'd have to log down a name…it was like the ultimate God-mode cheat.

But at such a price…was it really worth it?

"I should let you know, that it doesn't do a thing for me. I could get life from any other human out there…it was designed mainly to help the mortal users, like yourself. Light never bothered with it, though…" he snorted. "'As the God of the new world, I have to be around for a long time, in order to rule properly'…some excuse like that." He laughed. "Didn't work, either way."

"I…I see…" She was trying not to shake. This was a valuable piece of information. But she didn't know how to answer. She had always been so lousy at making quick decisions…

As if he were reading her mind, he said, "This deal will always be there, by the way. You could always agree to it later. I'm just letting you know that it exists right now." He landed, and chuckled again.

"Oh……okay. In that case…for now, I say no. I've been doing just fine…so far." She looked away.

"Alright. Whatever." He straightened up, and tilted his head. There was silence for a few moments.

"Well, since that's all sorted out…can I have an apple?"

"…"

**…………****.**

"Bleagh. This place is like a tomb."

Kirau stood behind the counter, elbow against it with chin in hand, bored out of her mind.

Not that she cared to be in there, mind you. It was a dark and scary place. But in this case, she'd choose darkness over the deafening silence that permeated every corner of the dingy grocers.

"Screw this. I'm gonna find something to do. Something that actually makes sense." Mr. Marcus, the owner of the shop, had given her specific orders to stay at the register, and aid the customers-but no one had been there in the last day and a half. And she was getting anxious.

"Oh?" Ryuk floated after her. She headed down the snacks aisle, occasionally picking up a package or two. Cookies, chocolate, fruit juice-all were in her hands.

She stopped at a display labeled 'Healthy Heart'. Under it was whole wheat bread, bottled water, fruits, vegetables, brown rice, and the like.

Ryuk watched, somewhat fascinated, as she began to remove said items, and exchange them with the ones she had picked up from the other aisles. Every so often, she would wander to another section, to pick out something else. She even returned behind the counter at one point, to pull out a couple packs of cigarettes.

"There we go. Heh…the epitome of a healthy heart." She grinned, and even Ryuk had to admit-he was amused. Where once had been a health nut's paradise, there stood the picture of an early grave. Smokes, booze, sugary concoctions, oily microwavable packets, sweet drinks dripping with corn syrup, pastries-she was snickering. "I'll bet you anything that old coot dabbles in more than half of this." She tilted her head.

"Yeah…he's big enough." She laughed. This Shinigami apparently agreed with her. Not bad.

"Alrighty…now it's time to help myself to a nice snack." She returned to stalking the aisles, and Ryuk dutifully followed. She chose a small bag of chips, and handed Ryuk an apple-a Red Delicious.

He was about to sink his teeth into it, when she suddenly pressed up against him. He could feel her tiny frame along his stretched spine…and for some reason, he felt his usually cold skin heat up. Was he embarrassed? Well, he sure wasn't about to voice it. So, he asked her, in his usual smart-mouthed way, "What the heck is up with you?"

"Don't be stupid." Him? Stupid? Never. "There are cameras here. Albeit cheap ones, but still." He tilted his head. Cameras…what did they do again…?

"I can hide all the stuff I steal and it'll only look like I'm talking to myself, if he can hear me at all. But a floating apple…I doubt he's gonna let that pass by."

Cameras…cameras…oh, yeah! Cameras! Ryuk looked up to the ceiling, and, sure enough, there was a security camera in the front left and right corners of the shop. And they were pointed in their direction.

He was about to wonder why such an unfrequented place would take such precautions. But he chose to let the thought slide. The point was, cameras recorded things. He'd learned this all too well when he'd been with Light. He hadn't been able to eat his apples or even talk to his roommate during the time that they'd been installed-although, those came with 'bugs', as well.

So…was she…protecting him?

"Hurry up and finish your stupid fruit. I can't stand here all day." A blush had begun to creep into her cheeks, and she wasn't sure why. She wanted to attribute it to the fact that she was making herself look like an idiot on the screen…but somehow, it didn't seem to fit. Besides…looking stupid was like second nature to her already; everyone else expected it of her, even before she could say otherwise. So why disappoint them?

"Alright, alright. Give me a couple minutes." She sighed. "Fine."

He began munching away at the juicy red fruit, the entire time aware of every movement that Kirau would make, small as they were. She was right against him, after all. Strangely enough, she was aware of the same fact, only vice versa in her case. She crossed her arms, as Ryuk finally finished the troublesome apple.

She sighed. After a close call like that…she needed some down time. "I'm heading back to register duty." She didn't even wait for a reply. She had to move-and shake off the incessant pounding of her heart. As always, Ryuk followed.

_Uh? _He noticed how antsy she seemed to be. He cocked his head. Humans…he sighed.

_So emotional…what's her problem?_

Although, he too was feeling a little jumpy…but, he could float and fly. So, it wasn't that bad.

And besides, he didn't have a heart to race in the first place.

Kirau had already stationed herself behind the plastic and wood divider, chin propped on hand, elbow propped on counter. The sleepy look had returned to her eyes. Ryuk floated up, to get a closer look at the annoying recording devices.

The girl sighed once more, and let her eyes close. God, this sucked. But, there was no other option.

_Only 2 more hours…_

**…………****.**

'BEEP' 'BEEP BEEP'

'SCREECH'

"HEY! Watch it, ya yellow bellied cocksucker! Pedestrians are people too, you know!"

It was late, and Kirau was irritated. This was the 2nd time tonight that some complete numb-nut had almost sent her and a few others to the hospital. In obvious displeasure, while Ryuk was still chuckling from her earlier remark, she slammed a foot into the navy blue compact's fender. The driver swore, and she stuck out her middle finger, before storming off.

"Heh heh heh. Never a dull moment, is there?" Ryuk was hovering next to her-there were way too many people behind, and although they couldn't see him, it was still uncomfortable. Like when that F.B.I agent or whoever had shown up to shadow Light…Ryuk had felt like he was the one being watched. Basically the same thing here.

The messy headed blond scoffed. "Whatever. I'm not doing this for your amusement; this is how I live. So back off with the jokes, 'kay? I'm in no mood-especially tonight." One thing Ryuk would have to get used to-mood swings. Human females were supposed to be very prone to them, but in Kirau's case, she took them to almost ridiculous extremes.

And it was about to get worse.

"Eh? What's the holdup? Hey!" The crowd's pacing had reduced from mainly brisk, to a standstill. She was becoming more aggravated with each second-she just wanted to go home already! She was exhausted!

So, she did the first thing that came to mind: she pushed her way through the crowds, ignoring the grumbles and complaints, until she was right up front. Now she could figure out what the problem was.

"Aw, man." It was an apartment, directly above a pawn shop and bakery that shared the same complex. Police and an ambulance were on the scene, along with a fire truck. A couple of cops were talking to random people, while the paramedics were descending the stairs, with a covered body on a stretcher. Not an easy task.

"Heh…looks like somebody else went and kicked the bucket. Heh." Ryuk was chortling. Kirau was about to head down the side street-what should another dead body matter to her, when it wasn't her doing-when a hand suddenly slipped out from beneath the white cover cloth. Her body froze, as everything seemed to fade away.

The hand was exposed for less than 6 seconds, but she had already seen. And it chilled her to the core.

The body's wrist had been slit wide open.

Straight up, the so-called 'proper' way to do it, not across. It was deep, as well. Very deep. The spilt blood was still evident-almost half of the revealed arm was coated in it. The nearly black tone of the dried smears only aided in emphasizing the unnatural pallor of the corpse's flesh tone.

"Eh?" Ryuk glanced at her. She was shaking…why was she shaking? She had turned even paler than usual…and her eyes. That made him stare. They were wide, and quivering, seeming to mesh and whirl with suffering, fear, and…loss. He waved a clawed hand in front of her face. "Oi? Kirau? Hey-you alive in there? Don't tell me you already expired…" he chuckled at his dark joke, although it was weaker than usual.

The ghostly white girl did not seem to hear him. Memories were surfacing in her head, and wrapping themselves around her conscious…invading her mind's eye. She could see…the police, and…those strangers, who had led her away, and…the sirens. They were almost reverberating inside her skull. She pressed her icy palms against her ears-when had it gotten so cold?

And…she remembered…a tub of red…and a room, filled to the rafters with the scent of blood…and death…

"…Oi…Oi…OI!" Her head snapped up, as her eyes blinked, and she gasped. Had she been holding her breath? How long had she been zoning out for? She turned to her right, to see a slightly annoyed Shinigami, and a greatly lessened crowd. She shook her head, as the forbidden memories retreated once more, to the deepest corners of her psyche.

"……" She seemed to be staring right through him. Without a word, she turned sharply on her heel, and walked away briskly, leaving behind flashing lights, and unintelligible murmurs.

"Hey." Ryuk floated after her. First she was bored, then antsy, then pissed, and now morose? Jeez-this girl was fickle.

Being as numb and unsympathetic as he was, he opted to open his mouth, and ask the shivering girl why, exactly, she was 'acting weird'. Her response threw him for a loop.

"Shut up already, will you?! Just…shut up! Shut up…I just want it all to shut up…" A few passersby were staring, as the young girl slumped a bit where she stood, after the outburst. Ryuk's eyes seemed wider than usual, and his grin was gone. This wasn't her normal 'lashing out' routine-what was she so shaken about?

"The sirens…I can still…hear them…" she whispered. Ryuk had no idea how to respond-what was he expected to say, anyway? That this girl was crazier than he first thought? He knew it would make it worse-and for some reason, he didn't want that. Probably because he didn't want to deal with the overload of emotions any more than he needed to.

"I…have to…get rid of it…" she mumbled, as she began to straighten herself up. She looked to her left, and noticed the flickering window display. It was an electronics shop. And it just happened to be showing the world news. A faint trace of a smile appeared on her lips, as she made her way over to the glass.

'ZZZIP' She had opened her bag, and pulled out the Note plus pen. And lucky for her, that the first story up was a crime related one. A madman who had shot the passengers on a bus, and killed more than half of them…she quickly scrawled his name down on the thin paper, along with a suitable cause of death.

And then another flashed across the screen, and then another. With each entry, Ryuk couldn't help but notice that her demeanor and energy were beginning to perk up, once again. For some reason, he felt relieved.

_Well, duh-who wants to deal with someone who's all pissy? Human moods swings are bad enough as is…she takes them to a whole new level. Ugh. _He licked his lips. What had set her off, anyway? He turned his eyes back to the now grinning girl, as she finished off the last name in her book. Hit and run driver, under the influence, killed a little boy, was let off somehow-traffic accident. With that, she closed the book and capped the pen, as the news continued on into the matters of the stock market.

"Aaahh…" She stretched her head back, exposing her neck to the air. When a blade was not at your immediate disposal…the Death Note worked quite well in releasing pent up frustration and anguish. And…she was still doing something good for the community…no, this time, the world!

"So, uhh…" Ryuk began tentatively. He'd never been one to cower, but this girl appeared to have a hair trigger temper. And he still didn't know what had set her off. He wasn't about to risk a repeat of that again.

But when she turned to him, all appeared to be well; the disturbed fog that had been haunting her eyes for the past 10 or so minutes was gone, replaced with her usual warped luster.

His mouth twitched up in its familiar grin when she said simply, "Well, Ryuk, that was fun. Now I'm getting my chance to make an impression on the world." She grinned wider, parting her red lips and revealing her teeth. "How'd I do?" She reminded him of a…a…well, a dog. A simple minded creature, waiting for its owners praise. He chuckled.

"Eh, I'll check it out when we get back." She nodded, and replaced the book and pen in her bag. They resumed their journey home.

Home…yes, Kirau's home was now his home, too.

He cast a quick glance at his bizarre companion, now humming some unknown tune. She was like a riddle…wrapped up in a puzzle, wrapped up in an enigma. He really had to wonder now…how she had become this way. Light had been normal, until he'd found the Death Note; then he went mad with delusions of grandeur. But Kirau…she had been flawed from the start.

And now, Ryuk's infamous curiosity was just dying to discover why.

Well, he would be staying with her for a while. He'd find out eventually.

Probably.

Hopefully.

With that settled, he focused on the new thought of a juicy Fuji apple in his hands, teeth ready to attack, as they crossed the bridge and rounded the corner.

**A/N: Okay, and welcome to chapter 4, of 'WTP'! Yeah...I had an interesting time while writing this one out. It gives a bit of insight into Kirau's past, revealing another side to her madness. And Ryuk has to play the shrink. Don't know why, but that image amuses me. Also, their bond becomes a bit more pronounced in this chapter-though neither of them will admit it, for their own unique reasons. Oh yes, and I wanted to give a special thank you to Bitter. Farewell, who mentioned that I was going just a bit overboard with the swearing. So I did my best to clean it up-cut out certain words, or simply replace them. Although, there were a couple of sequences where I let them be...but hopefully, it should be toned down now. Kirau may be jagged, but she still has a brain-and is smarter than she bothers to admit. Swearing 24/7 isn't exacly going to convey that message. So thanks again. This also allows my mind to go to work and think of new terms to describe a certain feeling and/or emotion. Wewt! Alright, next chapter-more bonding, more drama, more confusion-on Ryuk's part. Let me know if he's ever out of character, alright? Even though love is a stretch for him, I'm doing my best to convey it in a truly plausible and passible way. If it's not meshing, I need to know. Okay, thank you all again for the wonderful reviews and whatnot-I'm really getting into this one. It's quite a change from what I'm used to. And I'm glad that you all seem to be satisfied. Before I leave-are any of you fans of 'Naruto'? I have an experimental fic out at the moment, in response to the poll on my profile page. It's quite a stretch for me, as it's the very first M-rated fic I've ever written. It's called 'Clear Hearts, Grey Flowers'. It is a Yuri, though...if that kind of thing bothers you, then you don't have to read it, of course. But, if not, could I ask for you lovely people to check it out, and let me know what you think? That's all...Ja-ne! **


	5. Blush

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note. All rights belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I only own my OC's-'Kirau', and…that's it, for main characters. And this particular fanfic. Thank you.**

**A/N: Wewt! Chapter 5! Before we begin, it's once again time for SHOUT OUTS! Here you go! Bitter. Farewell, LawlietxRinoa, AjRaven666, IEatChicken, MistressDeidara, Dyanasty Artemis, Kazulallan, Z-AKA Andrea-, Moonshine369, d'mon child, Eriklover101, MoonCrisis, xXxCrimsonxTearxXx, tormented123, and Frenzy-girl. You all rock! Thanks for the reviews, faves, subscriptions, and all your support. You give me a 100 watt smile. Now...on with the fic!  
**

**Welcome to Psychosis**

"Ha ha ha ha! Yes!"

It was Saturday afternoon, and Kirau was excitedly watching her crummy TV set. Who cared if the picture was bad? The message still came through clear enough.

"Oh? And what are you so thrilled about?" Ryuk had been munching on the last apple from the bag, and had now floated over to where the girl sat upon the floor. He hovered next to her right shoulder, grin in place.

"Check it out." She motioned to the tiny screen. He looked. A picture of a young woman was on the left, while on the right, appeared to be footage from an accident. He chuckled. "You did this?"

"Yep. Another random celebrity, with the paparazzi on her case 24/7. Someone who had all the fame and fortune you could possibly desire-and didn't deserve a damn bit of it. And yet, so much attention…heh. Hopefully now, the news will start focusing on more worthwhile things-I can't even remember the last time they posted a hotline number in relation to a crime." She shook her head.

"So, the details?"

"DUI accident, 3:20 am today. It was a cinch-she's almost always blitzed outta her mind, anyway." Kirau snickered. "They should use her in the anti-drinking campaigns."

Ryuk's grin widened. "You've really taken to the Death Note. That's surprising."

"Yeah, well…" she trailed off. It was true; she did enjoy the abilities of the little black book. But…it ran a bit deeper than mere pleasure…

"This is something…that needs to be done. And…I'm the only one with the guts to do it. Plus, I have nothing to lose…and not much to gain, either. But at least…I can sleep with a silenced conscience, for once. I guess that makes me…a monster." She smiled, but it was bitter.

"Hmm…well, what about the rest of humanity?"

"Yeah…they're just as guilty as me, I suppose…to a certain extent. Everyone turns their heads when someone asks for help. And then they have the gall to complain when things go wrong. If that isn't a crime, I don't know what is."

"Heh heh. Yeah, you humans are good at that-complaining." He would have continued laughing, but a sharp glare from Kirau cut him off.

"And why are you lumping me in with them? You gave me this bloody book, after all-and I'm actually doing something about the lousy circumstances! So don't throw me aside. Jerk…" Ryuk tilted his head. Jeez, this human was sensitive. Were all females like this? He didn't recall Misa ever being this nutty. Then again, she'd been on the hyper side, and was rather clingy, too…and had always spouted off about 'love'…

_Hey_…his eyes lit up as the thought suddenly crossed his mind. What about…

_I wonder, what's her opinion on the idea…? Eh. Can't hurt to ask...right? _He was risking another mood swing-Kirau was now famous for those-but at the same time, he _was_ actually looking _forward _to how she would respond. He stretched.

"Oi." She turned her head. "What?" Obviously, she was still annoyed over his earlier remark.

"You're a human, yeah…" she raised an eyebrow. Was he serious? But then, he continued on. "…well…do you…'love' anything? Have you?"

She blinked. "What…love…? Why do you care? You're a death God! And a rather icy one at that."

"Yeah, yeah, it's just……I knew a few other people before, during Light's time, and they…had issues, relating to the subject."

"What kind of issues?"

"One was too obsessed, a couple cut themselves off completely, and the rest…well, they were just out of it from the beginning." He scratched his head. "I was wondering-what about you?" Curiosity-his one other weakness. Aside from the apples.

"I see. Well…as far as I'm concerned, love…is but a fool's dream." She narrowed her eyes. "You can spit the words out all you like, but in the end, it won't mean a dang thing. People are corrupt, and love is no exception. They'll use it to get to you, and then-pow! You'll be flat on your back, wondering where the hell the time went, empty and with a hole in your chest-or you'll simply be six feet under." She scoffed. "'I love you' has 8 letters, but so does bullshit."

"Ahh…" Ryuk could practically see the venom, dripping from her words-this girl was talking with a knife in her back. He smiled. Either she had never loved…or she had loved and been badly burned. All that pain would make for some excellent Note fodder. More motivation to cause more chaos. He chuckled.

"So, who's next?"

**…………****.**

"Alright, alright! We can go!"

It was about 5:30 in the afternoon, and Kirau was heading out the door. Ryuk wanted another apple, but they were all gone. So, he'd nagged her, until she had finally given in and agreed. As she stomped down the stone steps, she glared at him once more. "Seriously-this is ridiculous! Having to go all the way to that mart, just for freaking fruit! I'll never get used to this!" She bit her lip.

"Why don't you just get them from the place you work at?"

"Oh, please! Like I want to see that hellhole! It's the weekend! My only break! Jeez…it's like being in school again… only later."

"Oh…" Light used to go to school…first something called high school, and a prep course…and then college…in Ryuk's opinion, school was rather dull. Thankfully Kirau wasn't tied down with studies. But that really had nothing to do with the current situation. He brushed the memories aside.

"Wow, can you believe it? Poor thing…" A couple of women were passing by. Their faces were rather glum. "She was so young…"

"Yes, and she had potential. She just got involved with the wrong crowd…" the other shook her head.

"I know. They were saying she was drunk when it occurred, too."

"That's outrageous! She might have dabbled in the stuff, but...she wasn't that desperate!"

"I think the other driver might've been…"

"Tch." Kirau furrowed her brow, as the 2 disappeared around the corner, still gossiping with each other. "See that, Ryuk? This is what humanity has been reduced to."

"And what is that, if I may ask?"

"Parasites. All they care about are things and people that have nothing to do with them, nor will they ever. She was just another mindless airhead! In a few months, 2 or 3 new ones will be cropping up, but they still mope, as if she were a saint. It's a load of bull." She shoved her hands in her pockets. "Not desperate...don't make me laugh."

"Hmmm…and so, your distaste for humanity grows, eh?" He chuckled. "You should aim bigger next time. Let them know you're here."

She narrowed her eyes. "I'll do as I see fit, thank you. And I doubt they'd realize that judgment was being wrought upon them even if I were to parade around with a sign. These people believe that God talks to them through burn marks on toast-nothing more to say there."

"Huh…oh, we're here."

After the usual routine of searching, grabbing, waiting and paying, they exited the supermarket, and made their way back through the now bustling city. It was early Saturday evening, soon to be night, and the partygoers were starting to crawl out of the woodwork. Kirau gulped. "Ugh. That's the one thing I hate about weekends." She quickened her pace.

"What?" Ryuk asked.

"Hey, girlie! Whoo, what a mug!" Kirau's head snapped to the left. A couple of guys were leaning against a shop wall, leering at her. "Come cruise with us. We'll pay you good."

"Yeah, give you enough for a prettier dress!" The second speaker licked his lips.

"Piss off." Without hesitation, she flipped them the bird, and continued on her way hurredly. Ryuk was doing his best to keep up.

"What did those guys want?" He wondered why they had addressed her so _degradingly_. Not that he _cared_. He just wanted to _know_.

She whirled around to face him. "Why?" Her eyes flashed. "Because they thought I was a whore." She glared, quickly turning on her heel. "Happy?"

Kirau was running now, yelling while shoving her way through the growing crowds. She was passing by a club, and a lot of people were waiting to get in. She growled in frustration, as someone elbowed the side of her head. "Hey! Stupid mother…"

Ryuk was at a loss as to how to keep up with her. He didn't recognize the scenery, either. All he could do was try to keep his sights focused on the obviously frustrated Kirau, as she made twist after turn, deeper into the living mass. For some reason, he had a feeling that she was getting lost on purpose.

'CRASH' "Ow! Jesus…" She had suddenly been roughly pushed, and had stumbled into a garbage can. A few people in the crowd stared at her disapprovingly, before moving on. Kirau stood up slowly. Her clothes were dirty, reeking of leftovers, dirt, and God knows what else. Her lower back was beginning to throb; being slammed against metal tends to do that to you. The bag of newly purchased fruit had landed against a nearby wall. She picked it up, and continued her frantic pace, through the alleys and around the corners. Eventually, she reached a small clearing.

It was a park. And a rather unkempt one at that.

Weeds grew wild among what little grass was left. Obviously, the place hadn't been tended to in years. It was surrounded by high chain link fences, as well as a brick wall on the right which was covered in graffiti. Rubbish seemed to adorn every other free space upon the ground. It was a dump, and it was cramped; a somewhat vacant space in an ever growing populace. Someday soon, it would be torn apart, to make room for something bigger, but not necessarily better.

Kirau didn't seem to care at all as she wandered through the miniature jungle. She made her way over to a rusted swing set, and, dropping the bag upon the ground, sat down on the only one that wasn't broken. It creaked and clanked weakly, as she began to glide back and forth through the evening air.

"Sheesh! There you are. Why'd you ditch me like that?" Ryuk had finally caught up with her-and he was irritated. These mood swings were getting on his nerves…Light hadn't made him play chase, like some little brat!

"Ryuk…" He came to from his thoughts of comparisons, and now looked at the scrawny girl swaying back and forth in front of him. "What?" Should he really be answering her? I mean after all…she did make tracks, for no reason whatsoever, and had left him in the dust…but as he stared at her, his desire to know what would happen got the better of him. So he would listen to her. For now.

"Where was Light?" Ryuk was taken aback slightly by this question. It wasn't bad, it was just unexpected. He coughed. "What? What do you mean? And why are you asking?"

"Because if he was on a 'God quest', as you say, then why have I never heard of him until now? Are you hiding something?"

"Oh…that's what you want to know." He hadn't realized that he'd forgotten to mention this little fact-that Light's events had taken place outside of her realm; in another universe. Well, if this girl could handle the idea of an unknown afterlife like it was no big deal, surely she could handle this. So he told her. Her eyes widened, but she remained silent. Quiet, until the very end.

"I…I see. Hmm…" She mulled over this new information in her head.

Inside though, she was flipping out. _What the freak?! Another universe?! Other universes exist?! This is-this is madness! I-I can't get over it! I…I always imagined alternate realities, but now…now I have confirmation of this! I have proof! _She began to grin lopsidedly. Half of her was ecstatic, the other half was dumbstruck. Another question began to form in her frantic mind. Ryuk watched the mix of expressions upon her face, anticipating another reaction.

"Would it…is it possible…to…to travel to an alternate universe?" Yes, it was a cop out. It was desperate on her part. But it had been eating away at her for so long…and now, she had an opportunity to experience it first-hand. She would never forgive herself if she didn't ask, at least.

He chuckled. Looks like he was going to have to play the bearer of bad news…"Yeah, if you're a Shinigami. But not humans. Sorry-you're stuck here." Her face fell.

"O-Oh…okay." She turned away. She felt so foolish now…

"The truth is," he began, and leaned over towards the crestfallen girl, "in my realm, _your_ world is the alternate universe."

"Eh?" She blinked, and looked up. "You mean…"

"Yeah. In that world, you're nothing but a daydream."

"'sigh'…so, it appears that I am to remain here, upon this dump of a rock, surrounded by nameless faces on a daily basis…" She kicked at a small pebble.

"With the Death Note in your hands. Don't forget that." Seriously-why was she so depressed? She had the Note, for crying out loud! She could turn this world into the utopia that she wanted! Why wasn't she so completely consumed by this prospect?! He did not voice these sentiments, however. Instead, he chose to ask about the previous topic.

"Why did you want to know about Light's origins? Just completely out of the blue?" He floated up, and crossed his legs.

"Honestly?" She swung forward roughly, and the swing's groan deepened. "I have no idea." She looked up at him. "You see, the mouth does not always function in time with one's mind." She returned to staring at the dirt below her. Her boot soles scuffed against the rough surface, creating small clouds that spread out, disappearing before they reached her knees.

"Uhh…right…" Ryuk was utterly bewildered. This girl was more insane than he had first pegged her for. Yes, there was no domination factor in play every time she wrote a name down, but…she was so cracked up; there was something else hiding behind those stormy sea eyes. One moment she was calm, the next she was raging, and then she seemed to fall into absolute despair. It was maddening-because he didn't know why. And he _hated_ being in the dark.

He had expected her to be different-that's why he'd chosen her for the Note. But entertainment was being overshadowed by emotions, and that was beginning to get under Ryuk's skin. What was her damage? She was intelligent-although her mannerisms suggested otherwise; it was merely a well-hidden aspect of her personality. But she seemed to be…wounded, in a sense…just what could have possibly happened to her, to trigger all of this?

"I'm going home." He hadn't noticed her stand up, and begin making her way out of the park. He floated after her, attempting to keep up once again. He couldn't wait to eat one of those new apples. But seriously-she had better write in the Note again, and soon.

**…………****.**

"Aw, crud. You've gotta be kidding me!"

It was almost 9:00 pm, and Kirau was very irritated. She hadn't had any dinner, save for an apple, because she'd run out of soup cans. She had made a mental note to remind herself to grab a couple on Friday, since she'd been down to her last one. Alas, she'd forgotten. And then, when they'd gone to the supermarket today, she still hadn't remembered. Her stomach grumbled in protest. She scowled.

And to top it all off, she was filthy, and she couldn't take a bath-because she'd also run out of clean clothes. So, she would have to wait until morning before she could do laundry. And then she'd be waiting until Monday to nick some more soup from the shelves-because she needed to save the rest of her cash, and laundry plus Ryuk's apples would already be putting a strain on the funds as is.

She crossed her arms, and slid down along the wall. Ryuk cast a glance in her direction. He was chomping away at another apple-his second since they'd arrived back at the apartment. "What's your problem now?" She growled. "Hey, just asking. I am your roommate."

"It's none of your concern. Shinigami have no idea when it comes to the affairs of human life, and exactly how hard it is to live nowadays." She turned her head.

He snorted. "Right. Well then…why don't you even the difference?"

"'Even the difference'?" She crossed her eyes at him. "I hate math."

"No, no. Use the Note." She blinked. "Fewer humans equals less suffering, ne?"

"You really enjoy that little book, don't you Ryuk?" He shrugged, finishing off his apple core. "So do you." He grinned.

"Yeah, well…I don't feel like writing at the moment. Too much trouble. I think I'm just going to sit here for the rest of the night, and burn mental holes in the wall."

"Aw, but that's no fun." Kirau raised an eyebrow. Was he whining?

"What do I care? You're just using me, after all." She shut her eyes, leaning back.

His response startled her. "Well…I'm really liking the way you handle the Death Note. More than I was expecting to. It's unique." He floated up and rolled over. She felt a strong warmth begin to creep into her cheeks. He…enjoyed her?

_No, he just says he likes the way I use the Note. Besides, he chose me for the bloody thing in the first place. It means nothing._

_**But he chose you because you interested him. And now he says you're even more entertaining than he first thought. Admit it-this idea makes you happy, 'Kirau'. **_Her conscience irked her. Always questioning everything she did, trying to tell her what was right and wrong...never ceasing its senseless tirade upon and about her. She swatted a hand through the air. _Shut up!_ Her face contorted. _The Death Note pleases me; I admit that, but nothing else! He's just an extra-and an annoying one to boot._

Her inner voice sighed. _**You know, repression only makes it worse…seriously, open up that thick head of yours once in a while. Your heart never belonged to the human world anyway. **_With that, her conscience retreated-for the time being.

"Huh?" Kirau blinked. Now it chooses to say something all weird and deep? It probably had a hidden meaning, too. Ryuk turned around. The human female had a rather dopey look on her face.

"What now?" He sighed, scratching his head.

"What's that supposed to mean?" His tone irked her. She forgot about the previous mental conversation, and proceeded to glare at the Shinigami. Her red lips were pressed together in a pout that slightly jutted out, and her brow was furrowed. He tilted his head.

_You know…she reminds me of something…_Kirau was sitting perfectly still, giving him that glare-though it wasn't as sharp as her others. She was merely irritated.

_Huh…_he floated up a bit higher. _She's kinda like…a…what did they call those things again…? Dolls? Yeah, that's it. She looks like a little doll…some kind of toy. _He felt his grin widen._ Eh…it suits her._

That was when he felt the presence of heat begin to slowly but surely, spread across his face. Although it didn't show on the outside, inwardly, he was panicking. _Crud…not this again…just like that day at the store…and what the heck do humanoid figures have to do with this, anyway?! Gaah-I think she's starting to rub off on me…_

Kirau's expression shifted, from annoyance, to one of curiosity. "Eh?" She stood up, and walked over. "Ryuk?" His pale cheeks were tinted a darker blue.

"You aren't sick or something, yeah?" She waved a hand in front of his face. He didn't respond. "Hello? Hellooo?" Still nothing.

Kirau began to feel a sense of worry descend upon her. She hadn't killed the big lug on accident, had she? I mean…what if the way to kill a Shinigami was…to bug them too much, or maybe…decline to write names into the Death Note?!

"Yo! Snap outta it! I'll write some names for you, I swear!" She was becoming frantic. What was the big deal? Hell if she knew. At this moment, all she was certain of was that she didn't want anything bad happening to her otherworldly roommate, troublesome as he was. So, in a desperate act, she leaned over, grabbed his shoulders, and shook him.

"Wake UP!"

"WAAH!" Ryuk screamed. Right in her face. It was loud, and scary. He instantly disappeared, and once again, Kirau fell forward on her head. This time, in the rather unflattering position of being on her knees, with her rear in the air.

"Gee, Ryuk…" she muttered into the floor, "it's great to have you back."

"Don't scare me like that the-uh?" Ryuk had paused mid-sentence, as he noticed exactly what pose his human charge was currently in. Her skirt had ridden up a bit, and he could just make out a hint of well fitting red…what were those called again? He always had trouble keeping track of all the various articles and objects in the human realm…then again, this was only his second time there. Could you really blame him?

Kirau groaned. "Augh…I wasn't trying to 'scare' you-you spaced out on me. Numb-nut…" she placed her palms down, and shook her head, messy braid swaying to and fro. Ryuk's face was tinted blue again. He was staring at her. She blinked. "Oh, what now?"

After a few more moments of silence, he spoke. "Oh yeah, that's right. Panties. You have panties." He chuckled, obviously pleased for remembering the correct terminology.

"Eh? P-pan…ties?" In that instant, Kirau felt so very exposed below the waist…and so very flushed in the face.

Ryuk was still chuckling, so he didn't even see it coming. Poor guy. He never had a chance.

'SMACK'

"AAUGH! You _perv!_ I'm shacked up with a bloody death demon PERVERT!"

Kirau turned on the television, still fuming, muttering something about 'selling her skirts for more secondhand jeans'. She clutched the Death Note, waiting for the news to begin. Ryuk was simply rubbing his cheek-he'd never been hit by a human before.

And he didn't care to repeat the experience. It hurt. Kirau had a decent right hook. What had he done to deserve that punch, anyway?

Still…those panties had fit her quite well-just an observation! Nothing more.

And they were red. Like his apples.

**A/N: And, once again, another chapter has come to a close. Sorry if the ending seemed more fluffy than usual-the gag just seemed to fit. Am I the only one who thinks that panty gags are cute? Like Chi in 'Chobits'? Yeah...anyways, this chapter leads us down into the depths of Kirau's mind and daily life, only with a new addition-Ryuk. The norm was not normal to begin with...now it's completely shattered. Some more Death Note action, as well as frustration, both towards life and mental health. Next chapter-the laundromat, among other things. Hope this update was enjoyable enough...I lost my place a few times while writing. I suppose that might help to permeate the feeling of insanity, though...confusion is one of the first steps. Alright, I've got to get back to work on chapter 6. Ja-ne! **


	6. Suffering

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note. All rights belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I only own my OC's-'Kirau', and…that's it, for main characters. And this particular fanfic. Thank you.**

**A/N: Okay, time for more thank yous. (Ole!) heart. erratic, LawlietxRinoa, Kyresa-The Horror Movie Lover, MistressDeidara, AjRaven666, RoseyRedblood, IEatChicken, Kazulallan, ForbiddenFruit98, Z-AKA Andrea-, MoonCrisis, xXxCrimsonxTearxXx, d'mon child, Dyanasty Artemis, SweetInsanity89, Eriklover101, Frenzy-girl, Cataquack-Warrior, and tormented123. Thanks to all of you. **

**NOTE: This chapter deals with self-mutilation. I do not condone/support this behavior. Just be prepared while reading. **

**Now...let's go.  
**

**Welcome to Psychosis**

"Aw, come on! Hurry up already!"

It was after 11:00 am on Sunday, and Kirau was sitting upon the countertop in the Laundromat, watching as her clothes swirled back and forth behind a clear door, drenched in detergent and water. Just when she thought it was ready, the damn thing started chugging away once again.

"Heh. You should really work on your management skills." Ryuk, snarky as always, was floating above her and watching as she shifted, drawing her legs against her chest and resting her chin upon her bony knees. She was clad in her baggy sweater, boots and red underwear-thank God the top was long enough to pass as a dress. Everything else had been thrown into the washer.

"Shut up, apple addict." She was muttering into her knees. He floated closer. "I have a lot of crap to deal with. You just get to loll around and mooch off of me-I have to work, pay the bills, keep my shit in order and clean. You don't help at all. So don't act all high and mighty. Jerk." Her eyes narrowed, and the dark circles beneath mashed into her lower lids, providing an even deeper shadow to her already heavily lined eyes. It almost resembled two sea green jewels in the middle of tar pits. Ryuk tilted his head.

"Eh, whatever. I call 'em as I see them." He landed, and ambled over to the rumbling machine. Pressing his face against the glass, he drew back as it gave a violent thump. Kirau chuckled at his movements. "Well, apparently you're blind."

"Do I look blind to you?" He turned to her, large yellow orbs trained upon her thin figure. For some reason, she began to giggle. His grin faltered. "What's so funny?"

"Heh-hee hee. You-you expect me to take you seriously? I know you too well for that." A couple other patrons of the business gave her odd looks, while one bordered on the positively dirty. Kirau did not notice or care. She continued chuckling away.

For some reason, seeing her laugh stirred an unknown feeling deep inside of Ryuk. Was he upset because she was laughing at him? But why should he care? He never batted an eye at Light and his mockery. So why should Kirau be any different?

Leaning forward until he was nearly nose to nose with the female, he spoke in a low growl. It startled her. "You don't know me as well as you think, little girl."

_E-ehh? What's his deal? I've never seen him like this before…_the aura emanating off of the male Shinigami was positively venomous. A few more people were now staring at the strange female who seemed to be fighting with herself. Again, this went unnoticed by Kirau. She gulped, before replying. "Well, now we're even."

He stood up, and turned away. Kirau breathed out in relief-that was too awkward for her liking. Ryuk, on the other hand, was puzzled. Why on Earth had he reacted so? Did he want this girl to take him seriously or something? Well, she already knew what he was capable of-wasn't that enough? The hollow thump in his empty gut said otherwise.

"Augh!" He whirled around, casting his eyes upon the curled up Kirau. She glanced at him, curiosity evident in her features. "So, are you done having your little hissy-fit?"

"When will your clothes be ready?" He floated up once again, obviously agitated. She smirked. "Now you know how I feel. Not for a while longer. So suck it up."

"Hmph." He crossed his arms.

**……**

"Ahh…clean clothes, how I love thee."

Kirau pulled at the end of her t-shirt, and smoothed her frayed jeans as she stepped out from the bathroom. Ryuk merely watched, as the girl yawned and plopped down onto the mat. He walked over and rose up, hovering above her.

"Aren't you going to do anything today?" He crossed his legs. "Like watch TV, go out, use the Note?" She raised an eyebrow at him and yawned.

"Nope. I'm hungry. And I have no food. Therefore, no energy. Therefore, it's back to sleep for me. Besides, the news isn't on the local stations at this time." She rolled over, one hand under her pillow and the other arm draped over her hip. Within minutes, she was out cold.

"…" The Shinigami watched, as her breathing slowed and her legs twitched. He floated over to the other side, so he could now see her face. Her lips were slightly parted, and for once she actually looked peaceful. Well, except for that one instance with the Death Note...

Jeez, this human was a handful. Ryuk had thought that she would merely be an amusing time killer when he chose her for the Note. And she was entertaining, yes. But she was also confusing, irking, depressing, adorable…

He sat up straight. _Adorable?_ No, no, no, _no_. That word did not exist in his vocabulary. Neither did depression. Death Gods were not nearly as weak and vulnerable as humans.

He cast a glare upon the sleeping female. That's what got to him. She made him feel. And Shinigamis were not meant to be feeling creatures. He just wanted to get his rocks off, not deal with all of this emotional nonsense.

And yet…his gaze softened, as he drifted closer. He wanted to know. For all her flaws, there was something-a strange aura, like a magnetic pull, that kept him from fully hating her. Because he wanted to know. His curiosity had been peaked by this bizarre little being, and now he wanted answers.

But to get them, it would take a lot more than merely sitting down and asking. She wasn't the kind of person who really seemed like she wanted to share in the first place.

"Rrgh…" Ryuk hated playing games where he didn't know the rules. He gave her the Death Note; therefore, he should be in control. Screw the whole 'attached to the user' bit. This girl was going to drive him over the edge. She wasn't demanding like Light had been; she didn't seem to expect loyalty, which was just fine with him. He'd never been one to choose sides. He was just there for the show. But…there seemed to be something else being asked of him. Something he couldn't identify…and wasn't sure he could give.

"Mm…" he jumped slightly, as Kirau rolled over onto her back. Her eyes scrunched up tight, and her hand twitched. As he stared, her lips suddenly parted, and she began mumbling. He peered at her, inching closer.

"……no…no…please…I didn't do it…no…no…" He blinked. Was she dreaming?

"No…no, please…please…I'll be good, I'll be good…I promise…no, don't take her away from me…" Now Kirau's minor jitters had become spasms. Her ramblings were growing in tone as well. Her bony fingers gripped at the faded sheets, knuckles turning a startling shade of white from the force.

"…no, no! Don't…don't take her! We were playing…we were just playing…mommy, why are you all red? Why…why did you run from me? Mommy…mommy…mom-no, don't take her from me! Please-I didn't mean to! Mommy, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Ryuk's eyes widened, as the girl began screaming and thrashing. He had to duck to narrowly avoid being kicked in the face. One punch had been enough, thank you.

"NO! Mommy! Mommy, please! Don't go…don't take her away from me! No-no! No! Please don't!" At that moment, her hands shot up, and began to scrape and claw at her neck. It looked as if she were struggling with an unseen enemy. A series of gurgles and moans escaped her throat, as her complexion became drastically paler, and her lips were slowly tinted blue.

Ryuk didn't know what was going on. Only two things jumped out at him in that second:

Kirau was choking, her dreams becoming way too real for comfort. She was going to die. And he wasn't ready to lose his puppet just yet.

"Hey! Snap out of it! Kirau! Wake up, you head case!" Ryuk grabbed her shoulders, and did the only thing he could think of. He started to shake her. He'd seen other humans do this before, when they were trying to get someone's attention. Yeah, Kirau was asleep, but who cared?

Amazingly it seemed to work. The choking and gulping started to lessen as slowly, what little color she'd had in her face began to return. Eventually, her thrashings subsided, and Ryuk breathed out in relief.

Wait-_relief?!_

And at that moment, the unconscious Kirau chose to fall against him. He froze.

His hands were clutching her shoulders, but she was leaning forward, head drooped and face pressed against his abdomen. Her legs were crumpled beneath her limp frame. The now familiar, if still unknown heat began to creep into his cheeks.

Oh, how he wanted so badly to disappear! But a nagging tug deep inside his hulking form refused to let him attempt anything of the sort. If Kirau fell, she would hit the floor. She was already unconscious; a blow to the head wouldn't help that. If anything, it would make it worse. But why did he care? He shouldn't!

_Crud…is this what they call a 'conscience'? _Ryuk growled. More human nonsense. _Get the hell out of my mind! I'm doing just fine without you…_

"Uhhrgh…" He forgot all about his mental quarreling, as the disheveled figure in his arms began to stir. Kirau's head slowly rose as she rubbed her eyes…and came face to face with Ryuk.

For a few moments, neither spoke. Kirau was still shaky from her earlier nightmare-a replay of past events that refused to stop haunting her. And then she'd forcibly been brought out of it by something akin to an Earthquake and TV reception. When she'd opened her eyes…here she was, in the arms of a Shinigami.

Ryuk had no idea what to say or do. He was holding a scrawny human being in his arms, who was looking up at him with…an unusual expression. Her eyes were fogged over, and her red lips were parted with a slight pout, giving her a permanently paused appearance-once again, like a doll.

But she was so warm…truthfully, Ryuk had never batted an eye at the chills that seemed to follow him or any other God of Death. It was natural. They dealt in life's ending. But this human in his arms…she was so warm. So very warm. He had half a mind to pull her against his face, feel her heartbeat and pulse, and try to steal as much of the heat as he could. This was different from the warmth that came and went from his pale cheeks. For some reason, he couldn't let go.

"Uhh…" Kirau felt it-her heart was pounding. The strange shadow that seemed to have taken control of the Shinigami towering over her was fascinating, and yet…frightening. That gaze-she couldn't quite place it, but it was both unnerving and entrancing.

"Ouch…" But questions would have to wait. At the moment, there was a far more pressing matter at hand. "Uh, Ryuk? Ryuuuk?" She waved an arm, wincing.

Her sing-song tone finally caught his attention. "Huh? What?"

"Could you…I don't know, let me go? Your claws are kind of sharp…"

"Oh! Right, right…" He quickly released his hold upon her shoulders. She knelt on the messy mat, and began rubbing the tender skin. At least he hadn't punctured them.

"What were you doing?" His raspy voice interrupted her thoughts. She glanced up, stormy sea tone meeting a shade of yellow reminiscent of a full moon.

"Uh, sleeping?" She shrugged off the true meaning of his inquiry. She wasn't stupid; this had happened before. Not in a long while, but it had happened. Even the choking. Though it had never reached that particular extreme...she would always wake up screaming and gasping for air. Her sweaty hands would be at her throat, with scratches trailing up from her collarbone. But she'd never been this powerless in the situation. It was...rather jarring.

"No, I meant the twitching and crying. You never did that before. What was that about, anyway?" Ryuk's emotionless demeanor made her sigh in relief. She didn't have to be explicit in her descriptions at all. She took a deep breath.

"It was…just a dream. An old, stupid dream. Just a dream…" she shivered involuntarily, at the memories it had stirred. Ryuk noticed this. But before he could ask another question, she stood up, and made her way to the bathroom. "I've got something to take care of. Don't bother me." And with that, she shut the door.

Ryuk blinked. Had she just brushed him off? His pride bristled. She should be thrilled that he was actually trying to give a damn about her! It was very hard to accomplish! Sympathy and empathy were not two things that came easily to him.

_**Perhaps it's because you're afraid to care, hmm? Ever think of that, hard head? **_That annoying voice. He swatted at the air around him, hoping that the motions would scare it away. Unfortunately, this was not the case.

_**You should really go and check on her. She's not stable right now. Anything could happen. **_Ryuk scoffed. Since when was Kirau _ever_ stable?

**……**

"Shit! _Shit!"_

Kirau had flipped the toilet cover down, and was now sitting upon the off-white plastic surface. Her legs were drawn up tightly, arms wrapped around her thin limbs as her chin rested atop her knees. She rocked back and forth, feeling so lost and small. The throne of waste consumption, at that moment, was her little island-the perfect home for a defect like her.

"I thought…I thought that it was over. They were gone-they were gone! And they were supposed to stay gone!" She whimpered and bit her lower lip, the taste of fancy wax and carmine dye entering her mouth. She didn't care.

What had triggered this nightmare? She hadn't had one in a few months-she had wrongly thought that they were finished; that she had finally overcome the past. Nope, it was still there; looming behind her, reveling in her weakness, her heartache, her fear. She sniffled.

"Mommy…I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry already. Please don't do this; don't do this to me, mommy. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

She felt so forlorn and empty. She couldn't possibly be human. If she was human, she wouldn't have been able to disgrace them like that. They always called her 'demon', 'waste of space', and 'kirau'-to hate; loathing. They loathed her. They _loathed_ her existence.

"Heh…heh, heh heh. Well, guess what, mommy? I do too. I hate my life. I hate myself! I hate it all…" she continued chuckling dementedly, as she lowered her feet to the ground, bare flesh meeting cold tile. She didn't shiver as she turned her attention to the small cabinet attached to the wall. It had been there since she'd first moved in. The previous tennant hadn't bothered to take it with them-oh, wait. They were dead.

"Heh…heh, heh…" she opened the door, mirror reflecting away from her face and instead focusing on the shower. Reaching inside with all the glee of a child on Christmas, she pulled out a piece of well worn metal. It was coated with old stains and hints of rust. Her razorblade.

"Hee…hee hee. See, mommy? I'm a good child-I do what you want." She held out her trembling arm, and even in the dim light the scars were visible. Pressing the sharp blade against the underside of her limb-a few inches above her wrist-she drew it across in one smooth stroke, feeling the familiar sensation, the rush as the thin, chilled metal made contact with tender flesh. She grinned madly as the sting of tearing skin became more prominent with each swipe.

"Heh-hee! Hee! Hee hee! Do you love me now, mommy? I'm a good girl, right mom? I'm sorry for before-I'm sorry for everything! Are you happy now? Are you happy now?! _Are you fucking happy now?!"_ Her quick chuckles had erupted into full blown laughter, as tears streamed down her face, dripping along her chin and onto the floor. Her arm was spilling as well; a small puddle was beginning to form upon the cracked tile.

Her laughter was nowhere in sync with her tears; she was experiencing two different emotions at once, and reacting accordingly. It was a familiar situation. She continued slashing back and forth, oblivious to the throbbing or the deep crevice being carved into her limb. All she could see was her mother…and That Man…and everyone else, all the other faces that had wandered in and out of her life-or was it the other way around? At the moment, they were blending into one, providing an echoing chorus of laughter and jeering that mixed in with her own.

"Mommy, are you happy now? Do you love me now, mommy? Watch me, mom! Watch me! Watch me! I'm dying, mommy-I'll die soon, don't worry. Don't worry. Watch me, mommy…watch me…" Kirau fell to her knees, still sobbing and laughing. The razor clattered to the floor, leaving another trail of blood upon its impact.

Suddenly...

"What the hell?!"

**……**

Ryuk surveyed the scene before him in shock. Kirau sat in a pathetic pile, laughing and mumbling to herself. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. Her arm was bleeding profusely, staining the tile.

He floated over. "What did you do? Kirau? Answer me!" He had no idea how to deal with this-he'd never seen a human commit an act like this. He'd seen humans off themselves, yes, but this…she wasn't going to die, so why had she done it? What purpose did it serve?

Tentatively, he lifted her bleeding limb up for inspection. Yes, the cut was deep; she hadn't severed anything though, amazingly. It was precise-she'd known exactly what she'd wanted to do. But what was that? What was the reason?

"Wow…" all he could do was stare, back and forth, from the exhausted Kirau to the wound upon her arm. He was transfixed, as the blood flow slowly started to diminish, until what was left began to dry and harden. By this point, Kirau was almost unconscious again, leaning forward. Her vision was blurred, as the bloodstains became dancing spots that teased her tired eyes to follow their motions.

"Jeez…you have one heck of a pain tolerance. I'll give you that." Ryuk looked down at the slumped female, whose head would twitch upwards every few seconds. He returned his attention to the slash across her arm. What was this? What was he supposed to call it? He'd never experienced an event like this before.

"Ryuk…" her groggy tone startled the Shinigami from his mutilation musings, as he glanced down once again. Her head lifted, and Ryuk found himself being drawn into her eyes…a twisted pit of colors and emotions that he couldn't quite place. Not that he wanted to though; of course not.

"Does this amuse you? The suffering?" The directness of her question was a surprise. But he didn't show it. He continued watching her, as she chuckled, wiggling her fingers on the injured arm.

"Do you really want an answer?" She tilted her head. The circles underneath her eyes seemed darker than usual. "Of course…"

"Then yes. Yes, suffering amuses me. I came here to your world, to give you the Death Note so that you could cause suffering to others, and provide a show for me. You already know this." She still nodded, as if coming to some great understanding.

"But…what do you call this? _Your_ suffering?" He waved the arm in his grasp, for emphasis.

Kirau blinked. "My suffering…?" She tilted her head, deep in thought. Again, she resembled something familiar…a dog. Yes, her mannerisms were just like a dog.

"I never knew…I was suffering." She shot a grin up at the inquisitive Death God. "You flatter me too much. I'm not suffering." Her smile was almost blinding-did she honestly believe that there was nothing wrong with this picture?

"Oh, really? Then how would you label it?" He was anxious for an explanation. Kirau did have a way with words.

"Well…you know about churches, right?" Ryuk snorted. Those little buildings that paid tribute to some non-existent deity. At least…he thought they were non-existent. He'd never been to Heaven, so he couldn't be sure…he nodded.

"Um, at some of them, they have a booth-it's like a little room, where you can confess your wrongdoings, and ask for advice or forgiveness. Stuff like that." He nodded again. "Well, I'm not religious, and confession doesn't work for me. I was raised to believe that actions are louder than words. So, this is my penance. For all my sins. Skip the words-get straight to the point. This…is my lifelong apology." She looked away. "I stole life…I can only give my life, piece by piece, to make up for it."

"But you have the Death Note." This discussion was confusing. Ryuk wasn't used to self-loathing; his first 'owner' had been a complete narcissist! This was a whole new ballgame.

"Well, yeah, but…it still won't absolve me of my crimes. I'm too stained." She bit her lip, and tugged her arm out of the Shinigami's grip. "I can cleanse the world of evil all I like, but in the end, I'm still alive. I guess it's a good thing that I'm not going to Heaven now." She picked up the blade and stood up, placing it back in the cabinet.

"Aren't you going to clean that?" Ryuk asked, pointing to the cut.

"Uh? Oh, yeah. I almost forgot." Without hesitation, she brought her arm to her mouth and began lapping and scraping at the blood. Ryuk could only stare.

_**Well…at least it gets rid of the stain.**_ He pondered this for a moment, before agreeing.

After wiping the floor and washing her hands, Kirau exited the bathroom, Ryuk close behind. She stretched, and sat down at the tiny table. Her demeanor seemed to be back to normal.

Ryuk couldn't get the previous conversation out of his mind though. _"I can cleanse the world of evil all I like, but in the end, I'm still here." _What had she meant by that? Was there something about her that he didn't know? He paused for a moment. Actually, there were a lot of things that he didn't know about her. But this…

He would find out how everything fell together. Before their time was up-and who knew when that would happen-he would unravel the mystery of Kirau. If only to shut up that annoying 'con-sci-ence'.

For now…he floated up, watching as Kirau flicked on the television set, and flipped off one of the pictures on the screen. He chuckled to himself.

Oh, if only his neighbors could see him now…

With that, he floated over to the cooler, and pulled out an apple. After all of that stress, he deserved a treat.

**A/N: WHEW! After a long break, here it is, chapter 6! I'm SO SORRY-as I explained on 2 of my other fics, I was hit by a BAD case of Writer's Block. It attacked 4 of my fics-the 5th was created as a diversion/apology. But anyways, here it is, after 2-3 weeks without an update. I hope it's decent enough...yeah, it's disturbing. It was...somewhat tough to write out, but at the same time, it was necessary. Please note that I don't condone any of the behavior demonstrated in this chapter. Self-mutilation is an all too real and serious affliction that should not be trivialized. In time, I will explain exactly what happened in Kirau's past to cause her to come to such a warped conclusion about her own existance. Like I stated in the first chapter, this is not a happy story. There will be some...heavy sequences. If this bothers you, I'm sorry. That wasn't my intention. But I will not change my plotline. Anyways...next chapter will hopefully arrive on time (next week). If not...O.o Yeaaah...more insanity, more awkward moments, and more Hell on Earth. Venture further down the rabbit hole...with only your wits to guide you. Ja-ne. **


	7. Voice

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note. All rights belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I also do not own the lyrics to 'Strawberry Gashes'. All rights belong to Jack Off Jill. I only own my OC's-'Kirau', and…that's it, for main characters. And this particular fanfic. Thank you.**

**Welcome to Psychosis**

"…and…there! All done!"

It had been about a week and a half since Kirau's freak out, and so far, it appeared as if everything was back to normal. She was going to work as usual, grumbling about the traffic, and writing down names every so often into the Death Note. Her demeanor was the same as it had always been.

So then…why did Ryuk feel so uneasy?

It wasn't like him to be nervous. For the most part, he was as laid-back as they came. Aside from his apples, nothing could really grab his attention or put him in a panic. But as he looked down at the dirty blonde haired figure beneath him, as she closed the black notebook and stretched, he felt a distinct pang of discomfort deep inside. And he had no clue as to its source.

"Haah…man, what a day." Kirau stretched, letting out a long yawn; she'd been writing in the Note for nearly an hour. No big names tonight, though. Just some small fries. He most notably remembered an embezzler, set to die by being crushed to death with the rest of his gains at the bank, and a construction manager involved with the criminal element, carved up by one of his own worker's machines. Kirau had enjoyed the occasional horror flick in her high school days.

As her thin arms extended upward, the baggy sweater sleeves slid down just enough to reveal the wound on her arm. Ryuk blinked. It had scabbed over, and even now was still red and raw-a deep, ugly reminder of that day so long ago. Had it really been only seven days? Time seemed distorted now, as he took in the jagged, healing gash upon her pale flesh. It was slightly tinted yellow-probably infected.

Why didn't she take care of it like most humans would? Human beings didn't like to be hurt…at least, from what he had seen. There were those strange few that actually inflicted pain upon each other-but it was controlled, and done for pleasure. He still couldn't grasp the reasoning behind this.

'CLICK' The apartment went dark, as Kirau flicked off the light switch. Lying down slowly on her disheveled mat, she sighed and rolled onto her right. Ryuk floated over, legs crossed, watching as her breaths became steadier. "'night, Ryuk…" she trailed off faintly, red lips slightly parted as she finally passed out for the night.

"Mm…" Ryuk rolled in the air, taking in the slumbering form beneath him. She confused him to no end. Would he ever figure her out? All those unanswered questions nagged at him, pestering him about the fact that this time around, he wasn't in control.

Light had told him everything. He had him figured out right off the bat. But Kirau…she never stayed on one rhythm. First, she was happy, then she'd become angry, suddenly logical, and then finally miserable. And she'd never opened up much to him, either. All he knew so far was that she had a bizarre method of associating religion with her life. Such deep scars…

"Uh?" And for the first time in ages, he remembered: her legs.

When Ryuk had first encountered Kirau at her apartment, he'd noticed the dark lines stretching across her spindly legs. Scars. And lots of them. But until that incident, it had never really registered with him. Now, his mind was in a flurry. Had those scars been caused by the same method? And if so, how many wounds did she really have on her arms?

The Shinigami sighed. Those stupid nerves were beginning to set in again. He could find an answer to his query-all he had to do was reach over and roll up Kirau's sleeves.

So why was he so frightened?

_Baah! I'm a God of Death! I fear nothing! Least of all some puny human! _With a huff of determination, he shot out a clawed hand to complete the task-only to stop an inch away from her face.

Ryuk was frozen in place. He wanted to move, was desperate to move-but couldn't. All he could do was stay still in that awkward position; his legs were crossed, his torso was leaning forward with an arm outstretched, and Kirau's ruby red lips were nearly grazing his palm. He felt a strange shiver snake up his spine, as the sleeping girl let out a slow, warm breath.

_Oh, come on! Get it together! _ Shaking his head quickly, he allowed his hand to drop down slowly, first to her neck, then her shoulders and collar. A twitch to the left, and now he was ghosting over her upper arm; the bed, pillow, and…

"Finally! Now, let's see here…" Ryuk was eager to just get his answer. After this was done, he was going to reward himself with another nice, juicy apple. His thin branch-like fingers wrapped around the thick, fuzzy material of her top. With a sharp jerk, the sleeve rolled up-

"Jeez!" It was all Ryuk could say. There, almost glowing in the pale moonlight…

An army of various sized and shaped scars littered the porcelain flesh. Some were move vibrant than others-crusted yellows and bloody red scabs, and some were bright scarlet rings. Others were thick, in pink and mottled purple shades. And a few were thin-thin and white, just like the substance called 'milk'. They were so very pale indeed. He stared, both horrified and transfixed by the unique image.

"Are these…?" He turned her arm slightly to the left, revealing more damage. A line of tiny dots trailed up from her wrist to mid-arm, indicating puncture. Most likely they were created by a needle, or some other fine tipped instrument-but had she really made all of them?

_And when? _There were more fresh ones, not just the one he'd been witness to. But there weren't many moments where the two of them weren't together somehow.

"I still don't get it. Is she finding some kind of pleasure outta this or something?" After a second of hesitation, he lifted the other side. Same result. An endless array of scars. But what secrets did they hide? What story did they tell?

Gently releasing the girl's arms from his grip, Ryuk floated up higher, until he was almost grazing the ceiling. He stared down, absolutely mesmerized, at the sleeping being below him.

Such wonders she'd introduced him to! A whole new category of human; this was definitely something to record. What fun he would have figuring out what made her tick. He would be back in control in no time. Oh, if only his Shinigami brethren could see him now! He was on the brink of an entirely new adventure in the Human Realm!

Seemingly content, he closed his eyes, allowing his mind to wander and explore.

Unfortunately, his sleep was not to be pleasant. For the first time in a long time, he not only dozed, but he dreamt. And they were haunted by visions of scars, lining his way like giant spiderwebs, drowning in a sea of piercing ocean eyes. Sometimes, he could hear the sounds of crying; other times there was screaming and cursing. And more than once, he'd heard the sounds of someone choking.

But they always ended on the same note: a single drop of blood falling from high above, turning into an apple before it reached the ground.

**…. **

"What? He got stuck down there again? What's wrong with that guy?"

It was another sluggish day in the realm of the Shinigami. Filled to the brim with the usual timeless activities: cards, gambling, snoozing and scouting, for the occasional human target. Nothing so startling or new.

But today was different. At long last, the absence of Ryuk had finally reached the eyes and ears of all in this dreary community of the dead. And the response was astounding.

"Gee…you think he might be a little loony or something?" A Death God with long, stringy white locks framing a skull face that resembled a horse in length, and skinny oversized appendages was sprawled out along the debris and dirt, flashing a lazy grin to another companion to his left. The other figure shrugged in reply. "Hell if I know-but I seriously wouldn't doubt it. I mean, come on! His first trip lasted nearly what, a decade or two? How could he put up with it for so long?" The speaker was rounder, with glowing golden eyes and jagged teeth that jutted out over his lips. He scratched his belly with a clawed red hand. "He's either insane, or he's got the patience of a saint."

"Ha! Saint, my ass! He's just looking for trouble, that's what it is!" Yet another Shinigami was chiming in with his own two cents, spitting as he chortled mockingly. "When the King gets his hands on him…oh man, but I would not wanna be in his shoes! He's _screwed_!" Again, he spit as he stood from his place on a nearby rock. Untangling his multiple legs, he slithered off with a leering grin upon his scarred face. His eye sockets were hollow, with only a speck of red reflecting from deep inside. His head was covered in spikes. The other two exchanged glances.

"You thinkin' what I'm thinkin', Jagu?" The horse face toed at the ground with prominent talons upon his feet. "Why? What are you thinking, Deagon?" The rotund Death God let out a snort.

"What I'm thinkin', is…this is a primo betting opportunity." Jagu's eyes widened. "Just imagine it: a line that extends for miles, with guys ready and willing to lay down their prized belongs and free time, to throw in their two cents about our nutty apple muncher down below." He jabbed a thumb towards one of the many pits that led to other worlds. "We'd reap the rewards, and get to enjoy a free show in the process. After all, I heard that this time, Ryuk's wound up with a human _chick_."

Jagu licked his lips. "A female? Now that does sound interesting." He stroked his chin in thoughtful consideration. Deagon nodded.

"Uh-huh. I mean, remember that last guy he got stuck with? Not much to watch there, right?" The horse face mumbled a reply of agreement. "This time, it's some young girl with a penchant for temper tantrums." Jagu snickered. "Ryuk must be goin' outta his gourd by now. Why'd he give someone like that the Death Note, anyway?"

Deagon shook his head. "Beats me. But at least we'll get to turn a profit from this whole situation." He watched as a somewhat more enthusiastic Jagu rose up from his spot in the dirt. "One man's misery is another man's cash cow, you know?"

"Alright, alright. I'm sold." He gave Deagon a questioning glance. "How many of these schmucks actually know about this, anyway?"

"Pretty much all of them have heard of it. But as for all the details…well, you know." Now Deagon looked sheepish. Jagu smirked. "So, should I spread the word?"

"Do it. I'll start collecting the wagers." With a quick salute, Jagu had shambled off to gather their crowds. Deagon rubbed his razor-lined hands together in quiet anticipation. Why would anybody leave this place, anyway? It made no sense to him whatsoever. Ryuk seriously needed a lobotomy or something. He was missing out on all the real fun. Deagon cracked a last grin, as he headed in the direction of the crater that projected a glimpse into the world that Ryuk currently occupied.

"Enjoy it while it lasts, you impish bastard…who'da thunk it?" _You're a celebrity here now; your exploits are legendary. And you're not even here to reap the rewards, either._

With heavy footsteps, Deagon scanned the terrain through swollen golden eyes.

**….**

"Hey. Hey. Kirau, wake up already. Come on-I'm hungry! And you gotta go to work, too…"

It was morning in the human world. The sun was shining in through the grimy windows-obviously, cleaning wasn't one of Kirau's strong suits-and as the birds twittered outside the glass to ring in the dawn, Ryuk was hovering over the dozing figure wrapped up in the heavy, tattered blankets beneath him. Only a tuff of straggly blonde-brown hair poked up above the edge of the sheets.

The cloth was frayed and greasy, nearly tearing in Ryuk's sharp grasp. How long had she had these coverings, anyway? They felt disgusting! Ignoring the disquieting thought of the new owner of his Note not bothering to wash her bedding with the rest of her laundry, seeing as she couldn't be bothered to take care of her clothes on a regular basis, he gave the bundle another rough shove. "Get up, you lazy kid!" It felt strange to call her a kid, but technically she still wasn't a full-blown adult. Besides, with the way she was acting now, it wasn't too far from the truth. Kirau groaned softly, scrunching up tighter under the ratty blankets. "Mm…back off…just a little while more…"

Ryuk scoffed quietly. Yep. Just like a kid. Lowering himself down next to her ear, he let out a slow breath. "Wake up already…" he ended the request in a hiss, and saw Kirau shiver under the sheets. "I need apples…" After all the crazy dreams that he'd had the night before, he'd ended up gorging on the entire bag of fruit from the cooler. Four apples, gone in five minutes. So of course, it was imperative that Kirau get up ASAP.

"Ngh…" Without warning, the female rolled over, kicking the messy covers from her skinny body. Ryuk let out a yelp, stumbling before he managed to regain his balance and return to the air above the groggy girl. That movement wasn't what had freaked him out, though. It was the fact that when Kirau had shifted positions, her lips had come way too close to brushing against his own. And that wasn't an experience he'd care to undergo.

_**Why?**_ There it was again-that stupid little second voice in his head. Perhaps he really had been spending too much time among the humans. His 'conscience' or whatever had popped up once more, and was now prodding him for an elaboration as to his previous concerns. Ryuk resisted the urge to stick out his tongue; a typical mannerism of childish annoyance practiced by humans, as he focused his gaze on Kirau, who was finally upright and perched on her knees. Rubbing her eyes, she tucked a strand of her tangled locks behind her left ear.

_There is nothing to answer here. I just didn't want to give her a heart attack._ In response, the voice began chuckling. Ryuk felt his cheeks begin to noticeably prickle from that same heat that had crept into them before. _**Right, right. I'm sure that it has absolutely nothing to do with a fear of close contact between you and this utterly entrancing meat puppet.**_

"Shut up!" Ryuk's loud outburst had nearly caused Kirau to bite through her tongue. With a war cry, she frantically yanked up her pillow, and flung it in the direction of the voice. "I-I don't know who the hell you are, but-but you'd better get outta my house! Or I-I swear to God-I have weapons! I-I have-I have rabies! Argh!" Gnashing her teeth, Kirau was surprised to hear silence after her bizarre retorts. Blinking, she looked to her left and locked eyes with a stupefied Ryuk.

The Shinigami was staring at her, astonished by her actions. He'd been expecting her to yell and scold him, not to go on a tirade against some imaginary burglar. "Rabies? Correct me if I'm wrong, but…I thought that you guys would just get sick from the disease; not become ultra-violent like the other animals." The female was still frozen in an embarrassed shock.

"Uhh…hi?" Kirau's first and final attempt to remedy the situation failed, as Ryuk continued to look on with a bewildered expression upon his face. Dressed in the same baggy clothes that she'd been wearing for the last week-yes, a week-she resembled a little child who had just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Neither party spoke, as a few more moments passed in uncomfortable silence.

Then, Kirau glanced at her clock. "Oh…oh, no. Shit. Shit!" And that was it. Now she was in full-on panic mode, rushing about her meager abode to get ready for her shift at the convenience store. "Christ on a bike, I'm late! I'm _so _late! That old fart is gonna blow out my ears with his rant!" Giving the Shinigami male a loathsome glare, she blasted at him "Why didn't you wake me up? You're a good for nothing!"

Ryuk lifted his hands in self-defense. "Hey, I was trying to wake you up! Don't snap at me! It's not my fault if you're too dead to the world to hear me! I even shook you a few times!" For some reason, Kirau felt her heart skip hearing this admission. She didn't know why. Taking a deep breath, she attempted to make up for the lapse on her side of the argument by firing back "Well, you'd better not have let those lobster claws of yours go roaming all over! Got it, you perv?"

Ryuk wanted to shout. _She still hasn't forgotten about the underwear incident?_ Forcing himself to remain calm, he chose to reply instead with "We've also run out of apples. So I expect you to buy some more later today."

Kirau whirled around. "Oh, so now you're _demanding_ that I buy your damn fruits?" Ryuk had to take a step back. This was not how he'd planned to start off the day. A pissed off Kirau was worse than Light when he was plotting. Mainly because she wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty. Light had always used others to achieve his ends.

"Look, I'll get you your apples, okay?" Kirau was hurriedly tugging on her oversized jacket, and with the sweater bulging beneath it she resembled a lost traveler from snow country. "But right now, I've got bigger fish to fry!" Ryuk blinked. What fish? How had Kirau gotten her hands on fish? And why was she gonna cook it now? Wasn't she already late for her job?

She did not explain any of these baseless facts, as she scooped up her knapsack, and shoved her stocking feet into the familiar beat up combat boots by the door. "Traffic is gonna be a pain at this hour…" Unlocking the entrance, Kirau bolted outside, and Ryuk trailed after her noiselessly. He watched with muted amusement, as she stumbled on the sidewalk; she hadn't bothered to tie her shoelaces. Thundering down the pavement, the crowds of the morning commute loomed ahead in the rapidly approaching distance. Kirau huffed in disgust.

"Alright, move it! I got somewhere to be! 'Scuse me, please! Outta my way, lady!" The scrawny girl was now navigating the massive crowds, bumping into various faces at every turn. Even with her pardons and apologies, there was still something so rough and bitter about her. More than one patron shot Kirau a dirty look, as she continued on through the wave of people. The store was at least three blocks away, so Ryuk hovered along, an audience of one to the ultimate performance in human existence. Kirau let out another loud curse as she tripped upon her own shoes yet again. But even as she sat on the pavement with palms scraped raw and knees torn from the cement, she rose up without missing a beat, to march on to her final destination.

"There! Salvation!" _Never thought that'd I'd ever actually refer to that rat-trap by such a name, but whatever! At least I'll be safe from these hordes; I'll only have to deal with that short-stack of a boss! _Wiping her brow, Kirau shrugged her pack from her shoulders and barreled her way through the glass doors.

Just as she'd expected, Mr. Marcus was waiting for her with a few choice words to share about her attendance. After finishing his long winded tirade, the portly old man marched off into the backroom. Kirau stuck out a middle finger at his retreating figure. Most likely he was going to watch some cheesy daytime TV, and pass out from a mixture of salty chips and beer. She shook her head in revulsion.

"Damn, that guy can really go on." Ryuk was picking at his ear, wincing from the memory of the male's harsh tones. How could Kirau continuously put up with his grouchy attitude? He was like a miser! An intriguing thought crossed his mind, as he floated above the counter, watching Kirau haul on the faded apron uniform. "Hey, Kirau?" The girl turned to look at him. There was still a trace of irritation evident in her sea-green eyes. "What, monkey?"

Ryuk chose to ignore the insult. "Ever think of doing that guy in?" She tilted her head in bewilderment. "You have the means to do so. Imagine: having this whole place to yourself, without having to put up with his incessant barking. How does that sound?" A small grin played upon Kirau's ruby lips, and she shook her head at the now puzzled Shinigami. "What?"

"Thanks, but no thanks. Like hell I really wanna deal with the PD on my ass, asking all those annoying questions. And even if they didn't come looking for him-because I know that stiff doesn't have a wife or nothing-I'm not going to stand for a dead body on the premises. And where's the fun in offing my own boss? No more paychecks, no more roof over my head." Kirau stuck out her tongue.

Ryuk pouted for a moment. "Aww…you're no fun." He'd been hoping that she would agree to his inquiry. Just his luck that her morals and standards would kick in right when he wanted a serious killing case the most. He lumbered off to browse the aisles in muted displeasure. "Suit yourself, then."

Kirau wasn't even paying attention. Her eyes had glazed over, and she was staring out the glass door from her vantage point, surveying the various characters that ambled by. Her thoughts drifted to Ryuk's idea one last time before fizzling out completely.

_Huh…what a strange way to show somebody that you care for them._ The idea brought a new flush to her cheeks, and she had to shrug off her heavy coat. Shaking out her clothes and returning to her usual stance on the counter, she snickered quietly. _Yeah, right. The only thing he cares about is his own satisfaction. Not mine. And anyways, that thing would just start rotting and stinking to high heaven in a week's time. Who wants to live with that? _Thus, the thought was effectively squashed.

And so, the day dragged on, with only a curious spectator or two wandering in, to see if the place was actually still in business. No one bought anything, which irked Kirau enough that she finally snapped at one pair who had been trailing along the nearest aisle; they'd been reading the labels and expiration dates from the tin cans. But they'd flown out the door as soon as Kirau had let loose on them with a choice assortment of curses and threats. Ryuk had gotten a light chuckle out of this occurrence, and it had helped to somewhat brighten his mood, as morning gave way to day, and day gave way to evening. It was a start.

**….**

"Aww, man...just look at this weather. So much for getting things done today..."

It was a new morning, and Kirau had been awakened by none other than the sound of thunder. Rolling over on her mat, she'd seen Ryuk hovering near the windows, watching impassively as one after another, heavy droplets had fallen from the sky, to splash against the glass, the walls or the pavement below. She'd let out an irritated sigh, sitting up slowly.

"At least I don't have work today. Thank God for small favors, I suppose." Ryuk glanced over at her, interest briefly coloring his pale features, before fading as she stood up from her mess of old blankets to head for the cooler on the floor. For someone who had such a twisted relationship with the Heavens, she certainly invoked the deity's name often enough to suggest otherwise. Or perhaps it was done out of spite? He was more inclined to lean towards the latter.

"Shit...no iced tea." Kirau's sea green eyes narrowed, as she surveyed the melting ice inside the plastic container with distaste. Only the bag of apples and a bottle of water remained. And since she used the water for more than drinking, she had nothing to sip on. Letting out a growl of frustration, the girl skulked off towards the TV in the corner. She flopped down cross-legged, leaning back on her palms as the rain continued to pour down in bucket-fulls. Until it let up, she couldn't go out to replenish her stock. So, she was stuck among these four walls, thirsty and bored.

She couldn't even use the Death Note to alleviate her stress; when the weather was like this, the television conked out completely. Running a hand through her tangled, loose locks, fingers getting caught on a knot, she wondered if investing in the local paper wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Ryuk was still watching her, unaware of the thoughts that coursed through her mind. But he didn't have to be a genius to know that the wheels were in motion. He'd lived with her long enough to recognize when she was lost in deep ruminations. Floating over to the yet open cooler, he pulled out an apple for himself. As he was shutting the lid however, he cast another glance over at the silent girl, whose face was turned away from him. Letting out a soft sigh to himself, he grabbed a second fruit.

"Oi. Girl." She jumped, obviously startled by his call. Looking back in his direction, face in an expression of mild bewilderment, she was surprised by Ryuk throwing the apple towards her. She managed to catch it in shaky hands, before giving the male creature a quizzical stare. "What's this for? You're not usually this generous..."

Ryuk was now gazing out the window. He had no answer as to his actions, either. But he wasn't about to tell her this. He would never be caught without an answer. He was in control here. _Not_ her. "Feh. Watching you like this makes me sick. So I'm giving you something to do. Got a problem with that? 'Cause I don't mind eating two apples myself."

Kirau scoffed, bringing the fruit to her lips to take a bite. "Weirdo. Whatever, thanks. It's better than nothing." Biting down, she chewed thoughtfully. The sweet, sticky juice seeped over her teeth and gums, a faint drip trailing down from her lips to the edge of her chin.

The Shinigami still hadn't looked back at her, his wide yellow eyes trained on the falling water outside. He remembered that when he'd first entered Light's world, it had been pouring, too. Rain didn't bother him. He was a God of Death, used to still air and dust clouds. He enjoyed the change of pace, especially since the water couldn't reach him. He didn't have to worry about being soaked to the bone.

Now Kirau was staring out the glass as well. The apple sat in her hand, only bitten into once. A memory was transpiring across her mind, from the depths of her fractured childhood.

It had been a rainy day, just like this, when she'd first heard that song. She was but a child, wandering up the stairs, the carpet caving just slightly under her pink stockinged feet. Her tiny hands had held onto the metal banister, skin absorbing the chill as she'd gazed out at the tall windows in the parlor, covered in streams of rain that continued roaring down.

The faintest notes had reached her ears, and she'd brushed back a long strand of dirty blonde hair behind her ear before resuming the trek upwards. As a youth, it had seemed that walks up and down the stairs had been much longer than they were now. She could easily bound about the levels in less than a minute's time, but back then, she'd always been so hesitant and careful.

She'd made her way down the hall, the music growing louder as she'd peered around the partially cracked open door. The last door. Her mother's room. Her eyes had wandered over the familiar scenery: the piles of dirty clothes, the various books and papers, the old food wrappers and plates. She'd stepped in silently, making her way over to the four-post bed, doing her best to avoid the splayed Bible and Jehovahs Witness pamphlets scattered beside her mother's slippers and socks.

She'd climbed up the bedsheets and duvets, taking in the sight of her parent, fast asleep among the squalor as the boombox continued to blare on repeat. Her short, salt-and-pepper locks stuck up on the pillows, as her crinkled green shirt and black jeans were lost among the covers.

The song had reached its end, seconds of silence gracing the stale air; a mix of sweat, cigarettes, booze and grease, as the rain pounded upon the roof. Then, the tune began again.

"_Turn her over,_

_A candle is lit, I see through her._

_Blow it out, and_

_Save all her ashes for me..."_

Ryuk did a double-take, nearly swallowing his apple core whole. Whirling around, he looked on in amazement at the skinny figure seated upon the wooden floor, as those familiar words fell from her syrupy lips. _This song..._

He had never admitted it, but that haunting melody had been on his mind ever since the lyrics had first graced his ears. He'd always wondered about asking Kirau where it had come from, or even if she might have been interested in a repeat performance. It was simply because he was curious, and the melancholy helped to curb his cravings for destruction when Kirau was in no mood to invoke the Death Note. That's all. He leaned back in the air, allowing her voice to invade his senses.

"_Curse me, sold her_

_The poison that runs its course through her_

_Pale, white skin with_

_Strawberry gashes all over, all over_

_Watch me fault her,_

_You're living like a disaster._

_She said kill me faster,_

_With strawberry gashes all over..."_

Kirau was seemingly unaware of Ryuk's presence, much less the apple in her grip. It tumbled from her hands, rolling a few spaces across the floor as she sang on. Her eyes never wavered, never blinked, as they stared out at the drowning scenery beyond the glass. Their shade had gone from muddled aqua to a murky blue-grey.

"_Called her over,_

_And asked her if she was improving._

_She said, feels fine_

_It's wonderful, wonderful here..._

_Hex me, told her_

_I dreamt of a devil that knew her._

_Pale, white skin with_

_Strawberry gashes all over, all over_

_Watch me fault her,_

_You're living like a disaster_

_She said kill me faster_

_With strawberry gashes all over, all over..."_

Ryuk was hypnotized. With elbows resting on his knees, he sat in a pose reminiscent of hers in the air, taking in every last sorrow-dipped word, every last note of longing, every last syllable of anguish and despair. He couldn't get enough.

"_I lay quiet,_

_Waiting for her voice to say_

_Some things you lose,_

_And some things you just give away_

_Scold me, failed her_

_If only I'd held on tighter_

_To her pale, white skin that_

_Twisted and withered away from me, away from me..."_

By this point, the tears were falling in silent procession, one after the other down her snow white cheeks. Kirau did not halt her words, nor did she sniffle and choke; the tune went on, her voice oblivious to the emotional earthquake that was wracking her body. Ryuk gazed on in utter fascination, drawing closer to catch those last lines, watch those glimmering droplets progress down her scarred skin, in time with the rain outside.

"_Watch me lose her_

_It's almost like losing myself._

_Give her my soul_

_And let them take somebody else, get away from me_

_Watch me fault her,_

_You're living like a disaster_

_She said kill me faster_

_With strawberry gashes all over, all over me..."_

And with that last trailing note, Kirau's eyes shut, and she fell over, body hitting the floor with a hard thud. Ryuk rushed over, completely lost as to what had just occurred. With a clawed hand, he gingerly picked the girl up by one thin arm, staring at the limp figure in his grasp.

Maybe she'd passed out due to lack of food? It was a possibility. Her diet was so damn erratic, and with the amounts she consumed, he was surprised that she was able to talk, much less walk and work. He sighed, before bringing her into his arms, and depositing her on her bed.

More tears. Just like the last time. There had been many tears in Light's world too, but he'd paid them no mind then. Now, though...lazily, a finger had reached out, to catch a stray drop upon its claw. Was it like rain? He brought it to his lips, sniffing before lapping at the substance. It was salty. Not sweet, like his apples. Not bland, like rainwater, when he'd bothered to try some on his last visit. He shook his head and turned away, in a hope to clear his head. When had he started bothering to care about her health, anyway?

_If she croaks, I lose my entertainment. That's all. I want to make this last as long as possible, before I have to haul ass back to the Shinigami King and his army of drones. Ugh._ He quickly cast a glowering glare out at the drenched setting beyond the grimy window.

…_...it's all for my benefit. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. I won't die for this; I just have to make sure none of the rest of those meat-sacks catch wind of what I'm up to._ He hovered across the floor, passing through her door without a sound. He would still be within the vicinity; ergo, this wasn't breaking the rules of the contract.

"...mm..." As she shifted and twitched upon her pile of unwashed sheets, the sweater that hung from her fragile frame raised up slightly, sleeves revealing the tell-tale scars and slices embedded in her skin once more to the frozen air.

**A/N: 'is gaping' HOLY SHIT. Wow, I fail. So freaking HARD. 'face palms at myself'**

**Yeah. It's been over TWO YEARS since I last updated this fic. I wouldn't be surprised if nobody bothered commenting on this installment; I took too damn long, and as such, a lack of audience is expected. 'sighs' And this one's even longer than usual, by at least two to three pages...**

**But. To those few who may be curious/interested, here's the lowdown:**

**Kirau and Ryuk's relationship is slowly, bit by bit, progressing further. Here, we get another brief look into Kirau's past, which I'm quite proud of myself for pumping out in the course of one night. ^^; Managed to work in the song from the beginning as well, though I must admit I'm not a big fan of using whole song lyrics in my stories. So I tried to space it out with some in-depth details as to what was going on in the background while Kirau was 'performing'. Hope it helps.**

**Yes, I fail at coming up with interesting Shinigami names. But I did enjoy writing out that bit of interaction among the Death Gods. They'll be mentioned again in future chapters, as Ryuk's exploits slowly become legendary in a whole new way. [Hope that doesn't spoil anything.]**

**If you're reading, and have any feedback for this fic, which I DO plan to finish, please, please, PLEASE send it my way! I'm always looking to improve and get better. It's been a while since I've played in 'DN' fandom, so I'm particularly worried about my characterizations [Ryuk's]. If it's off in any way, I'd like to know. :)**

**Alright, next time [because there WILL be a next time]: more development, hopefully more Death Note usage, and...some 'experimentation'. ;) See you later. Take care, everyone.**

**=^.^=**


	8. Kiss

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note. All rights belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I only own my OC's-'Kirau', and…that's it, for main characters. And this particular fanfic. Thank you.**

**Welcome to Psychosis**

"...urgh..."

Slowly, the world began to flicker into focus, as the feeling of old cloth and flat mattress registered underneath Kirau's fingertips. The sound of pouring rain soon joined her senses, and she carefully sat up with a low groan. Rubbing at her eyes, the girl turned her groggy head towards the spattered window, trying to remember what had happened earlier before she'd blacked out.

_I was...bored..._Kirau was briefly tempted to snort at this. Boredom. What else was new in her so-called life? _This miserable weather...I couldn't do anything...and then..._She bit at her lips in deep thought. She vaguely tasted the traces of apple upon the tender skin. That's right-she'd been eating an apple before it all went dark. _And then...?_

_Did I cut? Maybe it was due to blood loss. _With a quick glance down and a yank, Kirau had rolled up her sleeves, looking over her battered flesh with frantic eyes. But there were no new marks or stains. Only the same old scars and scabs that had been there the last time she'd gazed over her limbs. So that theory was out. As she registered the pounding of her heart beneath her sweater, she had to wonder: was she just a bit relieved at that realization?

Now her mind wandered to other thoughts. Namely, how had she wound up on her bed? Last she recalled, she'd been seated in front of the windowpane, staring off into space. Perhaps the falling drops had acting as a sort of white noise, putting her to sleep? But she had no recollection of crawling over to her tattered bed...even the short distance should have registered somewhere in her conscious.

"So. You're finally awake. Welcome back to Earth, girl." That voice, addressing her. It made her face flush with all the intensity of a permanent sunburn. Dragging her eyes away from the glass, they locked onto the floating figure of none other than Ryuk. Her Shinigami roommate. He was hovering over her table, sprawled out on his side with a partially bitten apple in his hand. Kirau recognized it as the one she'd been eating before. It had stained from having been sitting out for so long.

Shaking her head, the female gave the creature a questioning stare. "How long have you been watching me?" He chuckled, tossing the fruit back in her direction. This time, she didn't catch it, and it landed upon her blankets; a splash of red and browned yellow, buried among the grimy blues and greys.

"Don't flatter yourself. I've actually been out for a good while; taking a little trip through this complex." Kirau tilted her head, obviously not expecting to hear this. "What for? Where could you possibly have to go...?" She trailed off then, only because her gaze had drifted down, to the table below the Death God. Her eyes widened, and she had to shuffle over on her hands and knees, one step at a time, to see if what was before her wasn't just a dream, or some sort of tortuous hallucination.

There, piled upon the small structure, were various cans and edibles, along with a few small, opened boxes and some sugary packets. Upon closer investigation, she discovered that they weren't fresh, but they were all food. Cereal, soups, crackers, a few unwashed veggies-there was enough here to last her at least a couple of weeks, with her limited appetite. She looked back up at Ryuk, jaw hanging. "W-where-how did all this get here?"

He had now rolled over, so his back was facing her. As he scratched at his lower spine, he let out a huff. "You exhausted yourself singing. Or something. I dunno. Anyway, you fell over, and I felt like...contributing to my half of the room and board. For once. And _only_ once," he added, glancing over his shoulder at the dumbstruck girl. "I can't have my source of amusement kicking the bucket on me ahead of schedule, can I?"

He looked away again, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder. "I went through the trouble of saving that for you, but if you aren't gonna eat it, I'll be more than happy to take it off your hands again." He chuckled , though it seemed tacked on more than anything else. That stare...the way she looked at him after explaining where the food had come from. It stirred a strange feeling in his gut...a feeling that he had no idea how to name. A feeling that he wasn't even sure was supposed to exist.

For once, Kirau was truly in awe of him. But it wasn't for the reasons he'd been expecting. And he had no clue as how to react.

_He...he brought me food...okay, nicked it from the other residents here. But still! _Kirau's heart was skipping, and she pressed her fist firmly against her chest, to quell the rapid beats. She was certain that Ryuk could feel them, and the last thing she needed was him going into inquisitive mode. Besides, she was the one with the questions here!

If he had brought the food back, then couldn't he have brought her to her bed, too? This 'Death God' was seriously throwing her for a loop here. He could state his reasoning all he wanted, and Kirau could believe it as far as her conscience would allow her to. That still didn't erase that thin thread of hope; a concept that had been forgotten by her for so very long. A concept that she wasn't supposed to believe in, much less with such characters involved.

She was an object of interest and concern, and the 'savior' was none other than a supernatural being who wasn't even meant to be associated with such thoughts and ideals! Of all the people in this vast, polluted, overcrowded and vicious world, she was clinging to the one that represented her destruction. How fucked up was she, really?

_It's all for his benefit. It's all for himself. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm just the latest toy, the newest fad. Eventually, the interest and mirth will wear off, and then...then..._Kirau felt her stomach twist, the nerves snaking up around her heart, which was now pounding for a different reason entirely.

Casting one last gaze at the floating Shinigami, who was now suspended above her dead TV, she turned back towards her bed, to pick up the apple from among her bedsheets. Bringing it to her lips, she took the second bite.

_I'll put all this stuff away later...and then cross my fingers, waiting for this stupid rain to let up. Wonder how long it'll take...? _She paused in her eating, shifting the bruised fruit in her grasp. Should she thank Ryuk for what he'd done? For her? Well, for himself, but it was still for her too, so...

The room seemed as silent as a tomb. The only sounds that punctured the air were the occasional squelches of breaking fruit flesh, with every new piece Kirau took between her teeth. And still, Ryuk did not try to address her again; did not pay any mind to her consumption of his favorite treat. He was thinking to himself as well, trying to make his own sense of what had transpired here today.

Even with his blatant dismissal of her life, simply holding her up as a temporary game, she still looked at him as if he were the greatest thing since sliced bread. And if it had been simply because she was impressed with his abilities, he'd have been able to understand. It wouldn't have bothered him so damn much.

But it wasn't. He knew that, deep down, that wasn't what her gaze represented. Whether or not she realized this was another matter entirely. What was most disconcerting here...was his reaction to discovering this. A part of him was obviously uncomfortable; feelings, aside from the basics of survival, were off-limits for Shinigami. In a sense, he was a rarity, or an oddball: he had been cursed with curiosity. Hence his trips to other worlds-his own wasn't nearly enough for him.

This time though, his interest was starting to grow. In a way that he had no idea how to label, or contain. It could be potentially dangerous for someone like him. But even worse...

He wasn't sure he _wanted_ it to end.

Outside, thunder crashed, causing Kirau to jump and swear; she'd bitten the inside of her mouth. Ryuk wished more than anything, in that moment, that he were outside, among the furious winds and ferocious rainfall. Navigating nature's fury would definitely be welcome over this mind-fuck.

**…...**

"...and in other celebrity news, filming of the upcoming action flick 'No Mercy' has been set back, due to an accident that occurred on set two days ago. The film's lead star..."

It was a new day in suburbia. The sun was shining down, over the sidewalks and buildings. The rain had finally let up yesterday, after three days of continuously pouring. But there was no trace left of any water stains, much less the puddles, under the blazing heat. Now, it was rather scorching, and the residents were starting to miss the previous downpour.

Nowhere was this more evident than in Kirau's complex. The girl was sweltering in her room, and her heavy clothing didn't help the matter any. So, for the first time, she'd bothered shedding her layers, to sprawl out behind her table in an oversized grey T-shirt. It reached past her waist, nearly touching her knees. Underneath were a pair of old green gym shorts from her days in school, though you couldn't really see them thanks to the top.

As the TV continued to blare, about the latest dealings involving the movie star crowd, Kirau leaned forwards, to pick up the carrot she'd left on the tabletop, taking another bite. The food that Ryuk had brought back was still supplying her cupboard and cooler, though she'd had to practically slap herself to keep from laughing as she'd walked past one of the residents on a lower floor, who was cursing up a blue streak to his next door neighbor. His recently purchased pastries had vanished before he'd gotten a chance to pig out in front of the tube after work. Smiling to herself like she'd just won the lottery, Kirau had made her way down the stairs, remembering how the miniature powdered doughnuts had tasted on her deprived tongue. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been able to indulge in goodies like those.

Next to the paper towel wrapped piece of produce was the Death Note, open to a new page as she scanned the headlines for some new victim fodder. And what better place to find garbage than among the faces that clogged up the boob tube? It wasn't like there was anything worthwhile to watch on television or the silver screen nowadays anyway, and besides, Kirau didn't have cable. But she had enough. She heard the stories, one after another: fat cats getting paid to brainwash and rot the masses with one after another of cliched, nausea-inducing plot lines, or to rupture eardrums with misogynistic, corporate one-time ring tones. It was a cycle of degeneration.

Before, she'd just had to put up with it: keep the TV off, avoid the news racks, and try her best to ignore the sounds that blared from boomboxes and car stereos as she'd pulled her hood up over her head. Try to pretend that this wasn't real; that the world wasn't actually encouraging such ass-backwards belief systems, only to turn around and belittle the new generation for not thinking for themselves, and engaging in sin.

But now? Now she could purge it all. Start fresh, and clean. Anew. She had the means to do so. She was breaking the chain. With this, she'd force those mindless junkies to start waking up, and paying attention. She'd make them think. She'd make them live. She'd make them feel.

She'd show them what it was like to be truly human.

Stretched out on her bed, Ryuk was following her actions and commentary without much input. She was doing just fine on her own; this was what he wanted to see. His puppet, coming into her own as a wielder of the Death Note. No longer afraid to take chances, to spill blood. To cause chaos and mayhem. He was especially thrilled over the fact that nobody in this world could connect the dots, like they had in Light's world; then again, the God-wannabe hadn't bothered to hide his work. In a sense, it made him seem lazy, just a bit. Kirau at least took the time to invent various methods of demise for her ever-growing list of corrupted souls.

_**Heh. You certainly sound proud of her. **_That voice again. But its sentiments weren't too far from the truth. He was proud. Light hadn't needed his help or guidance nearly as much as Kirau had. He'd had to get involved, lead her by the hand to find her dark salvation. So to finally see her able to stand on her two feet, tablet and pen in hand as she took on this hell-hole that had screwed her over for the first part of her life? Yeah, he did feel some sense of accomplishment.

_**How do you know what she's been through? She's never told you anything definite. For all you know, she's a drama queen. An overreacting human waste, looking for sympathy. For a Shinigami, you're quite trusting. **_At this, Ryuk felt himself bristle.

_Trusting? That has nothing to do with it. Just look at her-she's broken. A patchwork quilt of paranoia and hostility. But no outlet. I merely gave her the key. _He thought that this would silence his 'conscience', but instead, it chuckled in response. His teeth grit just a bit tighter in their painted smile. _What's so funny?_

_**You seem to care for her situation. More than Light's, anyway. Is it merely the squalor? Her appearance? Or...something more? **_That previous tension that had been lingering in the pit of his stomach had now returned with a vengeance, as he struggled to find a way to shrug off this new comment. _I don't care! I just want what's mine! **My** outlet...is this. Watching others use what was given to me, in ways that most of my 'comrades' wouldn't think twice of employing. _His 'conscience' was smirking now. _**That makes you sound like a voyeur. Is that what you meant?**_

_I don't care anymore! _Ryuk just wanted this conversation to end. His face was beginning to burn. What was it trying to get at, anyway? _Think whatever you like!_

_**Heh heh heh. So defensive. I just want to be clear. Still...entertainment or not, you're not obligated to look out for her nearly as far as you have. She's perfectly capable of obtaining food and company for herself, at some point in time. Yet you continue to stick your neck out for her. Playing the therapist, the good guy. Your brethren would have more than a few words to say about that.**_

_I..._Ryuk was at a loss. Why had he gone so far for her? While it was true he didn't want to lose his puppet, at the same time, she was capable of self sustaining. He had no idea how long she'd been living like this, but she seemed content with the way things were laid out, for the most part. She wasn't constantly on the search for money, or fame, or even a new sweater. She complained, but who didn't?

Deep down, he'd known that she would wake up when she fainted. But there had been that inward tug; that 'what if', that had convinced him that he'd be better safe than sorry, and thus had sent him out in search of nourishment. Something that most Shinigami wouldn't consider, even if their undead lives depended on it.

But then again, he wasn't like most Shinigami. He knew this. Just like Kirau wasn't like most humans. They were in the same boat. The answer was impossible to grasp.

Or perhaps...it was already in his grasp, and he simply refused to acknowledge it.

"Ha!" The barking laugh caught his focus, effectively ending the mental debate between him and that other voice. Kirau was watching the television, flicking her pen between her fingers as she pointed it sharply in the direction of the screen. A picture was flashing, of a relatively young human female, with bleached hair that was darkened at the tips. Dangling, gaudy earrings brushed the tops of her shoulders. Her full lips were curved into a smug smile, as her heavily outlined brown eyes stared ahead. They seemed to know that the audience on the other side was following her every movement-and they should. She was in control. She was the centerpiece. The world existed to bow down and lick her boots.

In other words, she was a waste. Even Ryuk could see that. His Shinigami instincts were twitching for once, and he was half-tempted to snatch the book from his charge, and scrawl her name down himself.

"Nicole 'Shimmy' Boots. A royal leech, and a pain in the ass, too." Kirau was shaking her head. "Reality TV is a scourge of its own accord, but what makes it worse? When its participants become desperate to prolong their fifteen minutes of fame that they didn't deserve in the first place. Especially when they've got a rap sheet as long as this nitwit's."

She began counting off on her fingers. "Various DUI's, abuse of household staff, unreasonable demands to those she works with, homophobic, man-stealer, attacks and berates her own family when they won't give in and parade themselves in front of the camera for another lousy program concept, needs anger management and AA but won't take it, refuses to help anyone who isn't her-the list goes on and on. I wish I didn't know any of this; I'd be better off for it. Alas, I do. She's _everywhere_." She furrowed her brow as the image onscreen changed, to a shot of Nicole being made up while chatting to the camera as the news anchor narrated on over her.

"Not only that, but she's spread into the music and acting business. And she can't do either." The pen was now tapping against the table, as Kirau took another bite of her carrot. "Just what I need: to puncture my eardrums before I go on my way to and from work. How she has such a devout following, I will never understand." The carrot was placed down yet again.

The program cut to a commercial, and a preview began to play. The girl rolled her eyes. "And speak of the devil. Here it is; her latest 'endeavor'. Some lousy drunken chick flick." Placing her chin on the opened Death Note, Kirau blew a strand of hair from her face. Ryuk obligingly watched the ad, to see the madness for himself.

Sappy music was playing, as a high school flashback played out, before cutting to the present day. Cue Nicole preening in front of a mirror, then walking down the street, only to bump into some unnamed 'hunk'. Her love interest, before the scene changed once more, to a confrontation with a group of other women in what appeared to be a club. The music soon changed, to a softer melody with a frantic undercurrent. Now Nicole was in a hospital room, then in a kitchen, talking to an older woman, then running on the beach with her 'lover'...after a few more shots, including a kissing sequence, the ad ended with the credits and a jolt of pop music.

"Bleagh. Gimme the aspirin. The whole damn bottle. And some vodka." Which, of course, they had neither of. Sitting up, Kirau's stormy sea eyes were now laced with a new venom and determination. "Time to nip this virus in the bud, before any more damage is caused. God only knows how fucked up this generation is on its own; don't need her to add to the carnage." Clicking her pen open, she began to write.

Now Ryuk was interested. Floating across, he looked over her shoulder, eager to see what Kirau had in mind for the talking head. She always did try to make the punishment fit the crime.

"Hmm...let's see here..." The name was scrawled out, and now Kirau was tapping at her lower lip with the end of the pen, pondering over what would be an appropriate method for disposal. "She's working on a flick now, eh?"

Her eyes lit up. "Bingo." Newly inspired, the girl began scribbling in a fury. Ryuk read the cause of death out slowly, as each new word was revealed.

"Accident during movie preparations. Flammable hair spray lights up, causing critical burns." The Shinigami let out a low whistle. "Not bad at all." Closing her pen, Kirau gave him a twisted grin. "Ah, the power of late night movie marathons on an impressionable youth." He nodded, drifting back to his seat upon the bed. "Well, glad you've got such a vivid imagination. I look forward to reading the headlines after this one."

Kirau didn't know why, but her heart was pounding just a little harder now. Again, she tried to calm the beats, bringing the half-eaten carrot to her lips once more. The chewing didn't do much to silence her thoughts on the subject, though. They continued to wander and expand, leading her down the same paths as always; the paths that only served to confuse and trick.

She couldn't help it. When he said things like that, it made her feel...well, it was a welcome change. And it shouldn't have been. She felt empowered, accomplished. Worthy. Like she wasn't a complete failure; wasn't only the sum of her parts or her past. She was pleasing someone, and not just any someone. A God of Death. A Shinigami. In a strange way...he was the first, and only...real friend she'd ever had. And again, those were dangerous thoughts to encourage.

She wasn't supposed to become attached. She knew he wasn't. Eventually, she'd grow old, grow weak, and die. He'd move on, looking for a new thrill. It wasn't permanent, was never meant to be as such. And yet...when she heard those words, saw the interest in his face, saw the lengths he went to just to keep her alive...how was it so wrong, so faulty of her to think of it as something more?

Another ad was playing upon the television. It was for some celebrity-name perfume, featuring a done up couple in separate shots, gradually coming together until they were locked in each others embrace. Their faces leaned closer, the camera zoomed in, and in a single fluid motion, they were kissing passionately. Kirau could feel her eyes glazing over as the last chords echoed upon the screen, and she turned her gaze towards the figure stretched out on her messy bed. Ryuk was chuckling, no doubt over the simple minds and desires of these fleshy beings. Her eyes lingered on his sharp teeth and dark lips, forever curled up in that killer's grin.

"Heh. Humans sure like to point out their flaws...what doesn't stink on this planet?" As Ryuk leaned back on the mat, he was suddenly aware of a prickling sensation. He was being watched. Looking up and down, he finally remembered his companion at the table. And sure enough, her gaze was trained on him. Her eyes were half-open, and her chin was propped on her hand. Her elbow rested on the Death Note, and for a moment the Shinigami allowed himself to take in the shadows cast over her eyes, darkening their shade to an inviting grey-green.

Then, the allure faded. Letting out an annoyed grunt, he tilted his head. "What? You want something? You know I don't like being stared at." The way she was looking at him...it wasn't the same as when he'd first brought back the food, but the intent was still pretty close. And it was making him uneasy.

"...dunno..." Kirau couldn't tear her eyes away from his mouth. It was such an unbelievably stupid thought, she couldn't even believe that it was crossing her mind. It must've been because of all the saccharine shmoop and corporate eye candy that she'd subjected herself to today. But no matter how she tried to push it aside, it continued to linger. That single idea, wrapping around her mind and infecting her common sense with unfamiliar daring. A want that wasn't supposed to exist. Not in her, and most definitely not towards a being like this.

In all her nineteen years of life...Kirau had never once had a moment of romantic contact with anyone. No one, neither male or female, wanted anything to do with her or her blackened heart. It didn't really bother her; she'd grown used to being treated like a virus early on in life. But still...it was human nature to be curious, if nothing else. And perhaps, because he was so interested in her and her life out here...maybe, just maybe, she thought he'd say yes. Or at least, he wouldn't push her away as fast as the others had.

Besides, this wasn't meant to be romantic. She just wanted to do it, so that when she died, she could look back and know it was checked off her list. That's all.

But how to initiate the subject? Tentatively, Kirau cleared her throat, sitting up. Ryuk was still watching her, waiting for a better explanation than the one she'd given him a minute ago. If she were just zoning out, the least she could do was admit it. Then he didn't have to feel so weird. He had an inkling that she wasn't, though, hence the lack of retort. This didn't help to set his mind at ease. "_What_?"

"Ryuk...do Shinigami ever fall in love?"

Well. He certainly hadn't been expecting that curveball. Now he had to look away, focusing his attention on the corner of a dingy comforter. "Feh. Why would I care about something like that?" She didn't answer, and he let out a sigh. "Once, in a great while. A _great_ while-we're talking centuries here. It's not a common occurrence; we're designed as executioners, nothing else. Aside from basic instincts and a few scattered desires, we're empty. And quite happy as such." Like he was really going to let slip that she'd just stumbled upon the million-dollar question.

She nodded, apparently satisfied by this. "Then...you wouldn't object to a bit of...experimentation, would you?"

He blinked. Experiments? Now what was she on? He scratched his head. "We're not really all that big on the sciences...uh?"

Kirau had stood up, and was walking across the room, to where he sat. She lowered herself onto the floor in front of him, legs bent under and splayed to her sides. "Not science. Just a bit of...close contact. Cause and effect. Reactions." Now he was really bewildered. "I really have no idea what you're-"

"Kiss me." He nearly fell backwards.

_T-this girl...has gone completely bonkers! Kiss her? Why the hell would I do that? I'm a God of Death, jeez! I'm not into that kind of stuff-!_ His eyes scanned her face, looking for any trace, any hint that she was joking. But no such luck. Her ocean eyes were looking at him with unwavering intensity, as she waited for his response. "Well?" His gaze fell to her small lips, for once not done up with the usual shock of red carmine dye. They were pale and pink, with a few chips here and there-she had a bad habit of chewing on them while in deep thought or when nervous. Her mouth was far tinier than his. How would it even work?

"Where did you get this harebrained idea from? Huh?" He waited for her to give him a smart retort; to tell him off, or flash him the bird. But to his surprise, she looked away, eyes now trained on a line in the floor.

"I've never...kissed anyone before. Never had a relationship. It doesn't bug me, I'm just...wondering. I wanna know what it feels like. I ain't expecting anything from it. I just wanna be able to say I did it when I die. And I sure as hell don't trust my own kind with the task." She gazed back at him once more. "You're the only one I have contact with. It'll be less than five seconds. Humor me? You can blame the Death Note if you like."

Inside, Ryuk was trying to process all of this new information. She wanted to, in a sense...use him? To accomplish something? Well, when it was put that way, it didn't sound so bad. She wasn't telling him 'date me', or any of those other human idiocies. She just wanted him to help her get something done. In a way, it wasn't that much different than his use of her for entertainment. And this was only a one time thing, whereas his would go on until she expired. It just required him to step outside of his usual comfort zone for a brief moment. He could do that, couldn't he? He wasn't afraid. Not of a human, not of this human, and especially not of this contact. He had nothing to lose.

"Feh." He looked at her. "You're lucky I'm feeling generous today. Alright." He straightened up, hovering just a bit above the bed as his hands dangled and his knees barely brushed the blankets. "We'll take care of your little...'experiment', but make it quick." _The things I do in the name of a good laugh._ At least he didn't have to worry about his 'Shinigami Pride', or any of that nonsense his brothers and sisters were always rambling on about. It made them unwilling to think outside the box.

Kirau sat up, hands in her lap. He saw her swallow, before nodding. This was it. She was about to find out just what the big deal was. She was going to get her first kiss. Locking eyes with the Death God, Kirau slowly began to lean forwards. He wasn't that far from her, but the distance felt like a million miles, a ravine. She figured that since it was she who had initiated the plan, it was on her to make the first move.

She wasn't expecting her heart to be pounding so damn loudly in her chest. Then again, she wasn't used to being in the spotlight. She did all she could to keep the rest of the world at bay; now, the reins were in her hands. The choices and actions were all her own. Ryuk was just along for the ride.

Carefully, ever so softly, she finally felt her lips brush against his. He'd bothered to close his mouth, which was a minor relief-she hadn't looked forward to the thought of kissing teeth. She shifted closer, the pressure between them gradually increasing as she closed her eyes.

His lips were thick, firm, and cold. She hadn't been expecting much of anything else; he was dead, after all. And yet, as the contact lingered upon her skin, a shiver zipped up her spine like a bolt of lightning. She didn't know if he could feel the tremor coursing through her, or the violent beating of her heart, but right now it didn't really matter. Timidly, she parted her lips-just enough, to allow the tip of her tongue to creep out, and flick against the skin. Another shudder. Without warning, her hand began to reach upwards, fingers curving around his chin, as if to cup his face in her grasp.

Ryuk wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel about the whole thing. He was a Death God; they didn't hold, they didn't touch, they surely didn't kiss. But the action which was currently taking place...it wasn't half as repulsive as he'd thought it'd be. Kirau was notably smaller than him, and was obviously aware of his resistance, even if he had agreed. Her touch was feather-light, even as she leaned nearer. There was a hint of scratching, because of the peels on her lips. Then, that brief tickling sensation, like a little snake-was it her tongue? She was grazing his lips with her tongue, but no farther than that. And then, her fingers, appearing out of the corner of his eye. As if to pull him closer...

Then, it was over. Kirau was sitting back, looking down at her lap, hands returned to their previous position. He blinked, and found himself running his tongue over his mouth, as if to catch a fleeting taste of the girl. Just for reference; when he'd look back on this memory, as he lazed among the Shinigami Realm. And then he'd laugh.

He couldn't quite identify the flavor. Something vaguely sweet, and metallic...with just a hint of watery flora. That must've been the carrot. Still, it was...intriguing, if nothing else. Kirau was standing up, returning to her place behind the table. Ryuk couldn't see it, but her cheeks were as red as her missing lipstick.

_I...I did it...I had my first kiss. I...I kissed Death..._letting out a sigh, she steeled her focus to other matters. It was over. She'd gotten her answer. She'd kissed someone, and the world was still turning. She was still here, just as she always was. There hadn't been any revolutionary breakthrough. It was all over.

"So, Ryuk." Her blue-green eyes turned to lock with his yellow ones. "Who should we ax next?"

**A/N: Ba-dum-tish! 'rimshot' The big conclusion!**

**Don't know if it's actually possible, but once the thought of 'scavenging' for food came about...I couldn't drive it away. I figure, once the item is in the Shinigami's hands, it'll be able to pass through barriers like the creature can? Something like that. 'shrugs'**

**Second half now. Yeah, I admit it: I'm a sucker for the idea of first kisses. However, this is Ryuk we're dealing with, as well as a rather...significantly fractured human. How to go about it believably, without completely warping characterization?**

**This is what I came up with. Hope it works for you. **

**Okay, next time: more interaction amongst the rest of the Shinigami, and a surprise funeral. See you then? As always, reviews are love; all feedback is welcomed and appreciated. Take care.**

**=^.^= **


	9. Funeral

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note. All rights belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I only own my OC's-'Kirau', and…that's it, for main characters. And this particular fanfic. Thank you.**

**Welcome to Psychosis**

If you strained your ear just so, you could almost hear the minutes ticking away; falling to nothingness upon the well-worn ground, like grains of sand from an hourglass.

It was yet another day in the Realm of the Death Gods. The routine seemed to be the same as usual: there were small groups clustered here and there, sprawled out in various positions of relaxation. It would take a close and keen eye to determine that the only visible difference was the frequency of the groups, and how many bodies each one contained.

The majority of the players were gathered in an impatient line, off to the side from the viewing portals. The sounds rising up from the worlds below were ignored by the present Shinigami, as one by one they made their way forward, to interact with the pair seated upon the hollow log-or was it a fractured bone from an ancient carcass?-with excited gestures, loud voices and the occasional object exchanging hands.

"Come on, Dyuun. Don't tell me this is all ya got?" Tilting his head in exasperation, Jagu let out a low groan. "And here I thought we'd get some good wagers 'n treasures." Beside him, Deagon leaned back, clawed hands linked together as he waited for Dyuun to answer for himself.

"Hey! Don't knock it 'til you've tried it!" A long strip of black, grimy locks fell over his oval face, blocking his left eye from view. The end of his 'hair' let out a slow hiss, lifting up to reveal that it was a sentient being on its own, base attached to the creature's wide forehead. Dyuun's lone right eye was a shiny black, like an oversized marble, as he shook the object in his flat hand impatiently. "This baby's saved my ass more than once! I've won how many games, all thanks to this!"

Unclenching his fingers, a small carved stone die was exposed. There were strange symbols scattered about the uneven sides, and he flashed the pair of ringleaders a crooked grin. "If I lose, you win it! And trust me, that's not something I'm lookin' forward to! So, whaddya say?"

Deagon sighed. "Whatever, nutter." He took the die and added it to the steadily growing pile of knick-knacks beside his feet. Included amongst the clutter were a few Shinigami apples, of which he had a particular fondness for, but couldn't always retrieve, along with a few scattered weapons and custom pens for logging down names. There were even some coins and jewelry, picked up over the years from a few select trips to the human world, though only as sightseers. Nothing at all like Ryuk's motives. "Next!"

As Dyuun shuffled away, a new face stepped up to take his place. Jagu let out a low whistle, which came out with a bit of a rasp. "Vytrieol. What can we do for you today?"

"Heh." The creature turned his head, chin fully pointing upwards as he cracked his neck audibly. The painted bone helmet upon his head gleamed faintly as his eyes flashed deviously. This figure was known for being particularly sadistic when it came to adding names to his Death Note collection. Reaching upon his back, he hauled down what was revealed to be none other than his ever present scythe.

Now it was Deagon's turn to gape and question. "Venom? You sure 'bout this?" The male loved to engage in a good spar with his brethren, which ended with him adding a new notch to his belt and more scarred appearances among the few Shinigami who were brave enough to take him up on his offer. Always, he fought with that elaborate named scythe of his. He was an oddity of his own in the community, considering that the majority of the Death Gods couldn't have cared less about involving themselves in coordinated conflict.

Vytrieol flashed them a toothy smirk, not unlike a predator surveying his prey. "Yep. I never lose." He extended a jaggedly clawed finger, the joint bending up sharply at the center. Jagu had to wince. Even with what he was, this guy still gave him the creeps. "So, what's your bet?" Again with those teeth.

"He's gonna lose himself. Whatever he's got left to lose, that is." He chuckled bitterly. "Ryuk never did fit with the rest of us, and this lil' human bint is only serving to prove my point in spades." His hand retracted, as he turned his steely blue gaze towards the portals. "If he doesn't wind up like Gelous or Rem, he'll wind up heartbroken." A coughing laugh escaped his tattered lips. "That's a sight I look forward to seeing."

With that, he prepared to make his leave. But his departure was halted abruptly by a sudden commotion off in the direction of where'd he'd just been looking. The entire crowd's focus was on the trio of Death Gods who now stood before them all, eyes wide and mouths twisted into varying states of shock and glee.

"Zell. Skullard. Athsin. To what do we owe this...intrusion?" Jagu wasn't shy about hiding his displeasure, seeing as they hadn't bothered to show up with the rest of the crowds to join the main line. Deagon didn't seem to mind, flexing his thick fingers as Zell shook his head frantically, to and fro.

"You won't-you won't believe what we just saw! It's insane! I've never witnessed anything like it, in all my time here! Neither have they!" The loose and stained wraps around his round head swayed with his motions, as he pointed at his companions. "They saw-they saw it, too! Tell 'em!"

Deagon's interest was moderately piqued, though Jagu could've really cared less about this supposed 'news' of theirs. "Hey, get lost, runts. We got a profit t'turn here, and you're just-"

"It's Ryuk! You won't _believe_ what he did!" Skullard's warbling tone nonetheless caught the attention of the horse face, as well as everyone else. Vytrieol was chewing on his lower lip, while Deagon gave the trio a lazy wave. "Go on." Skullard's jelly-like body was quivering as he looked to the last member of their group. Athsin cleared her throat.

"We just thought he was gonna mess with her, like he always does! You know? But he...he actually..." Her shredded locks fell over her arched, bony shoulders, as she took a deep breath. The three figures up front were now drawing in closer, waiting for her to continue. "Well?"

"She-I mean, that human girl-she told him to-to-to kiss him!" The crowd seemed to jump collectively. "And he-he-he did it! He kissed her! Ryuk kissed her! A human!"

If the crowds had been startled before, it was nothing compared to the current outburst. Everyone in line was eagerly chattering, changing bets and offering up new items. The stakes had suddenly gotten a lot higher. The order was beginning to dissipate, as the Shinigami started to push forwards, swarming the pair of impromptu bookies. Jagu let out a growl. "Hey, step back! Get in line! You'll all have your turn! No grabbing!"

As Deagon did his best to collect details from the trio and Jagu continued recording the bets, Vytrieol slunk off, a tight-lipped smile upon his face. His knuckles cracked, as he wiggled his awkward fingers. It was just a matter of time; it was all in the bag, as far as he was concerned. _Heh. Can I call 'em or what? You don't have a prayer in Hell, Ryuk._ His eyes glittered like inky sapphires.

_You crossed a thin line. And this time, you ain't coming back._

**…...**

With the way the sun was boring down, heated rays scorching the Earth and relatively barren suburban streets, the week's earlier rain was more than a welcomed memory.

"This sucks! I hate the heat!" Kicking up dirt and skipping pebbles with the toes of her boots, Kirau let out another snarl of frustration. Bundled up in her usual heavy layered attire, it was no wonder she was sweating. Ryuk had even pointed this out to her before they'd left for the day, to which she'd responded with a flip of her middle finger and a mini speech about how he didn't understand, and therefore had no say in her wardrobe. Thus, the Shinigami had no sympathy for her current predicament.

"Like I said before, it's your own fault." The Death God trailed behind her in the air, apparently unfazed by the humidity. Weather didn't affect them, so he couldn't really see where she was coming from. Didn't mean he couldn't throw in his own two cents in response to her complaints. "And why are we out this far, anyway?" His golden eyes surveyed the empty lots, scattered chain link and wooden picket fences, along with expanses of dried grass fields. The girl shot him an annoyed look.

"I needed a change of scenery. But I can't stand the city. Since I don't have work today, I decided to take a trip 'round the inner neighborhood. Or at least, what hasn't been snatched up by corporate developers." She wrinkled her nose. "Take a good look, Ryuk-this is the closest you're gonna get to nature out in these parts." As if to prove her point, she swatted away at a buzzing fly that drifted too near her squinting eyes. The Shinigami shook his head.

"Nature or not, there's nothing to see out here. Wouldn't you want more buildings, anyway? More things to do?" At this, the girl let out a barking laugh.

"Like I really give a crap about any of that! In case you haven't noticed, I don't interact particularly well with the rest of the world. For Christ's sake, I'm playing the role of the Grim Reaper in flesh with a paper and pen! And I could really care less!" Her steps stopped, causing the Death God to halt unexpectedly in mid-air, lest he wished to crash through Kirau's chest. Awkward moment, anyone?

"I...I really don't...I really don't care..." It was as if she'd suddenly awoken from a dream. She looked at her feet, vision beginning to swim. Or perhaps it was the heat finally getting to her? Maybe she should have listened to Ryuk when he'd told her that less was more.

For all her desperate attempts at playing up the role of a hero, no matter how fractured, Kirau couldn't lie to herself any longer. She may have had different motives, but at the end of the day, she was just as guilty as the criminals and degenerates she sought to punish. And at the end, she'd get hers, too. Just where did the humanity, the empathy end and the Shinigami begin?

_No! I'm not like them-they're wasted! A waste of space...if I'm a waste of space just for being born, then they're flawed for actually abusing their lives and those around them!_ Kirau's thoughts were in a tailspin, as she ran forwards. Ryuk stared after her, bewildered for a few moments, before snapping to and floating after her. _What now?_

"Ah-!" So lost in her thoughts was she, that Kirau didn't take notice of the pothole in the street. The sidewalk had ended a short ways back, merging with the asphalt flawlessly, aside from that gaping crevice. She let out a cry, as her ankle twisted and she fell forwards. Ryuk didn't think twice, reaching out instinctively.

"...eh?" It took a few seconds for the girl to realize that she hadn't hit the ground. Her ankle had half-bent and, although it hurt, was obviously unbroken. She'd been saved from a cast, but how? Tentatively, she opened her eyes-when had they closed, anyway?-and carefully looked upwards.

With clawed arm extended, Ryuk stared down at her, trying not to smirk as he held back a chuckle. "You're not allowed to die on me just yet. Or incapacitate yourself. Either one. I need entertainment that's fully functional." _And dysfunctional._ The last thought he kept to himself, as Kirau's wide aqua eyes continued to bore into his with absolute wonder. He felt a prickling sensation sneak up his spine, as his stare dropped down, landing squarely upon her lips. This didn't solve things one bit.

_H-he...he helped me? Like, he actually...stopped me from falling? Why? I thought my suffering amused him-and I know that, at the very least, I've sprained my ankle...stupid politicians don't bother keeping their promises to fix the roads. They just blow our taxes on shit like statues in the center of downtown..._

She tried to collect her thoughts, and return her focus to the topic at hand. The same question, summed up by a single word, continued echoing through her mind. _Why? Why, why, why? There's no reason-the damage wouldn't have been life-threatening, and he still would've gotten to see the Note in use! Why didn't he let me fall?_ Her eyes took in every last detail upon his face, lingering upon his black lips. Her heart skipped a beat.

Her mind traced back, back to that shared moment in the week. How her lips had felt, pressed into his...how the experience had been both utterly mundane, and yet unique. It wasn't an exceptional example of contact, but it was different in the fact that her partner hadn't been of this Earth. But that was it. She hadn't seen any fireworks; hadn't felt like her life had somehow more meaning, or that she'd experienced some kind of miracle. It was just interaction. Interaction that, like all others, had meant nothing. It certainly didn't meant squat to him. Therefore, it was the same for her, too. Right?

And that was when she felt it: that sense of exposure.

Ryuk had grabbed at the end of her skirt. He was holding enough of it so the material wouldn't tear from the weight, but...damn it, she was practically floating in midair, baring her undies for all to see! This realization was more than enough to effectively kill the moment.

"Jeez!" With a bit of struggling and flailing, Kirau managed to regain her balance and bearings, landing on her feet as she smoothed out her clothes. Although it hurt to stand on her left leg, she still shot a withering glare at her Shinigami companion, though the furious cherry red coloration to her cheeks may have lessened its impact. "Y-you dolt! Thanks a lot! It's a damn good thing this place is so deserted; I could just as easily have given some wandering perv a free show!"

Ryuk didn't understand her aggravation. Yes, her underwear had been showing. Hey, at least he hadn't said anything about it this time! One sucker punch was enough for him, thank you very much! And if he hadn't done anything-motives as yet unclear, but ultimately chalked up to a desire to keep his puppet in business for his own pleasure-then she'd have wound up on a stretcher! Did she want that?

_She's really a piece of work. If she's so worried about things like that, why bother wearing those skirts in the first place? She could just as well wear pants!_ He grit his teeth, surveying the scrawny female as she tested her leg, wincing but not letting out any sounds of pain at the pressure.

_Hmm...skits suit her better, I guess. Though I'd never actually tell her this. She'll just tell me I'm a creep, or something similar. So sensitive. Yeesh._ That was when he did a double take. Why did he care about what she wore? He didn't give a hoot about Light's wardrobe-Kirau was no different! The thought shouldn't have even crossed his mind! Inwardly, his 'conscience' was laughing heartily at his expense.

By this point, Kirau was ready to continue their little journey. As she looked over at Ryuk, she felt something inside her soften, just a bit. He was gaping, obviously startled by her previous reaction. Although his methods and reasons may have been messy and confusing, he had saved her. It wasn't death, but it would've been an inconvenience. She owed him a better reaction than freaking out. She let out a soft huff. "Oi. Demon."

It took a few more calls to grab Ryuk's attention and drag him back to the present day. Kirau was talking to him. Shaking his head, he gave her an irritated look, hidden somewhat by his painted grin. "What now?"

The female brushed off his hostility as having come from her past actions. Sighing, she did her best to give him a smile that wasn't bitter. It was quite the surprise for the Death God, along with the words that followed. "Thank you...for sparing my ankle from being prodded at by the kooks in white coats. S'not like I actually have the money or insurance to afford a trip out there anyway, so...yeah." She turned away, once again leaving Ryuk reeling. This day was just full of one twist after another, wasn't it?

It wasn't as if she hadn't thanked him before. That wasn't what had got to him. What was digging at him was the fact that she had basically retracted her earlier outburst, in place of this apology. That had never happened. And that smile...it was almost real. Like those smiles that the wispy little women would give their partners as they walked through the park together, arms wrapped around one another. At lest, that's what he'd seen on the TV. Dramas, they called them.

By now, Kirau was almost at the end of the street, and ready to turn up the corner. Her leg still hurt, but it was no big deal. She'd just work to vary the pressure. Gave her something of a limp, but whatever. Appearances were superficial. She glanced over her shoulder, seeing that Ryuk was still hovering in place. She waved a hand. "Hey! Come on, already! We still got a few blocks to map out!" Without question, the male followed. The scene had changed; it was time to move on.

As they made their way down this new road, Kirau slightly dragging her left leg behind her, a sudden spot on the tar up ahead caught her eye. At first, she thought it may have been a mirage, seeing as it was a very hot day, and the 'shadow' was at the top of the hill, where the scenery blurred. But as they drew closer...

"Oh...oh, no." Ryuk tilted his head, as carefully, the girl stepped forwards. Her words were hushed, a hand cupped over her mouth in silent shock. As usual, the Shinigami floated along behind her.

It was a cat. A dead cat. Its golden fur was matted and stuck at odd angles, the dried blood that had oozed from its stomach effectively coating its head and legs. Bone fragments poked up through the skin, while bits of organ shone with sticky inner fluid upon the ground. A few bugs were flying and buzzing around, as half-lidded eyes seemed to gaze skywards.

Ryuk didn't see the big deal. It was a dead animal. So what? Humans died, animals died. It was a part of life. What made this lone carcass so important?

Kneeling down, Kirau chased away the bugs with her hands, ignoring the possible presence of maggots and the like as she did so. Her hand reached out, to lovingly trace a line over the feline's side, from its shoulder to the base of its tail. Ryuk had to give her some credit-obviously, she'd built up a stronger stomach since her first days as a Death Note user. He recalled how she'd wound up puking in front of her toilet after witnessing that first car accident...

_Still, I have better things to do than watch her mourn over a piece of roadkill._ Ryuk cleared his throat, ready to redirect her attention with a sharp quip. But he was taken aback by her next actions altogether. The words were stuck in his throat, and he could practically feel the lump as he swallowed.

Kirau had unhesitatingly scraped the body off the street, and with gentle motions was soon holding the whole thing in her arms. As she stood up and brushed past Ryuk, he had to make a face; it had obviously been out for a good while, and was already starting to smell. How the girl could ignore it was beyond his understanding.

"What the hell are you doing?" The cat was leaving chunks and stains upon the sleeves of her coat and the front of her shirt. Kirau could've cared less. She said nothing in response to the male's inquiry, simply continuing on back in the direction they'd come. He was forced to follow along, still trying, to no avail, to get an answer from the girl.

Eventually, they reached the apartment complex. That was when Kirau turned to face Ryuk. He looked at her quizzically, waiting for an explanation for her warped behavior.

"Here. Hold him for me. I gotta get some things." Ryuk was not expecting her to drop the carcass into his arms. "Huh?" He let out a gagging groan, as he felt the weight of the limp and rapidly decaying form in his grip. He leaned back, and was sorely tempted to let it fall to the ground below. It wasn't like the creature would feel it, anyway. He was a Shinigami, not her personal slave! She existed to entertain him, not the other way around!

But before he could act, Kirau's cold tones reached his ears. "Drop him, and I cut out your apples completely. Good luck finding fruits in this dump." The Death God felt his face burn. _That little witch...!_ Using his weakness against him! And it was true; he'd only found a few scattered vegetables. Fruits were not available amongst the inhabitants of this hovel.

_There's gotta be a reason for this. There just has to be._ So, as much as it pained him to do so, Ryuk hovered outside, holding that damn dead cat in his thin arms. The things this girl could make him do...grabbing food, kissing, and now this. He couldn't imagine anything that would ever possibly top body transport, though.

**...**

"Ah...got it." Up in her apartment, Kirau was kneeling down in front of her bathroom sink. The cabinet below was a shadowy, dusty mess, but it was also used as storage. She managed to wrestle out a black trash bag, and with a triumphant smile upon her face stood up, paying no mind to her reflection in the mirror. Her clothes were thoroughly stained with blood, guts, and inner fluids. She didn't care.

It took a little longer for her to acquire her next necessary tool; someone had bothered to change the rusty old lock on the shed in the back of the lot. As if anyone actually used it anymore; the supposed yard and garden had gone to pot decades ago, well before she'd arrived. Another veritable jungle, though this one was home to far more garbage than most. She had to maneuver her way around old cardboard boxes, shattered glass, and, at one point, a dismantled bicycle frame. But the latter did provide her with an appropriate marker.

"Ha!" With a last click, the lock fell to the ground. Kirau flipped her Swiss army knife shut, smirking as she pulled the wooden door open. So many uses, so little time. After a couple minutes of searching, she found the object of her desire, and made her way back to the front.

"There you are." _Finally._ As Ryuk prepared to throw the cat back to her, he took in the items in her stained, clenched hands. "What are those for?"

Kirau stopped just a few steps before him, one hand on hip holding the bag and handlebar, the other with a shovel slung over her shoulder. Her chin was lifted slightly, and a quiet look of determination seemed to resonate in her eyes. Ryuk's questioning was effectively silenced, for the time being.

"Come on, Ryuk. We're going to a funeral."

And so it was that the Shinigami found himself trooping once more after the silent spitfire, as they proceeded back towards the road where the body had first been found. Again, the streets were empty and still, only the occasional buzzing of insects in the tall grass or distant chirping of birds in far-off tress giving any indication of life.

_Can't believe I'm giving in to this...I must be going insane._ That had to be it. Kirau's mental illness was contagious. It was the only reason he could think of as to why he hadn't tried to dissuade her from the journey, or put up enough of a fuss against being relegated to invisible labor.

"Here." At long last, their procession stopped. Ryuk gave her a look of disbelief, as she surveyed the wide field that lay before them. "How can you be sure this is it? Bloodstains?" _Yeah, right. Now she's just hamming it up._

"That's right." Without turning to face him, Kirau jabbed a thumb at the road behind them. "You can see for yourself if you don't trust my word." Trudging through the tall weeds, the girl chose a spot of land nearly dead center, and swung the shovel down with a heavy strike. She tore at the ground, digging up roots and dirt, while Ryuk wandered over the asphalt to check for himself if she was correct in her declaration.

"Well, what d'you know? She was..." There, on the faded tar, a dark smudge of a stain, complete with a few faint chunks of muddled reds and pinks, as well as dried brown. He glanced back at Kirau. The dirt was flying as she chugged away, not paying any mind to the sweat and grime that were beginning to mix upon her skin and attire, along with the previous stains. Truly, she was a sight to behold.

_But, if I have'ta be honest...I admire her conviction. Still don't know the cause, though._ He floated back over, to watch her complete the established task. She'd give him an answer eventually. At least, he hoped so. If she didn't, and chalked it up to 'a whim', or some other nonsense...

"Alright. Gimme the cat, and I'll give you the bag." Ryuk gladly partook in the exchange, happy to be relieved of his disgusting duty. He held the bag in his hands, as Kirau tenderly adjusted the lifeless creature in her arms. "Hold it open." The male did as instructed, and Kirau placed the body all the way inside. Tying off the top, she lowered it down into the relatively deep ditch she'd dug.

All the while Ryuk said nothing, leaving the actions and commands to his puppet. He didn't know why, but for whatever reason, he wanted to see the end of this. Curiosity was a real curse at times.

Finished with throwing the sifted dirt back over the bagged carcass, Kirau proceeded to mark the grave with the bicycle handlebar, shoving it in deeply and padding the base with more dirt, to keep it from toppling over, "as well as to keep those damn thieves from having an easy time of yoinking it. Not like they're gonna get any cash for it, though..." She stood up, wiping her hands on her skirt.

"Okay. Umm...how do we do this?" Ryuk didn't understand what she was on about now. They'd buried the body; what more was there to do? He continued to stare, as the girl clasped her hands together, as if in prayer.

"Haven't done this in awhile, but here goes. Yeah, uhh...we are gathered here today, to honor the memory of this...cat. His name is, um...Cat, I guess. That makes sense." She furrowed her brow, taking a few seconds to ponder her next words. "His life was cut down in its prime, by the-the callousness of man and their machines!" There was a new fire to her eyes.

"That's right! Thanks to the coldness and lack of compassion on the part of the human population, he lost his life, in an area that shouldn't even have traffic-what, were they racing or some shit like that? It wouldn't kill ya to slam on the horn if someone crosses your path, but no, they just plow straight on through, like-"

She stopped then, catching herself. She was beginning to ramble. Ryuk held back another chuckle, as her gaze focused on the grave, before turning towards the vividly colored sky. "But yeah...anyways, we hope that whoever the hell is in charge of this whole mess-God or what have you-you'll accept Cat into your peaceful kingdom of purity, and, uhh...may his days be forever blessed. There. Amen."

Bowing her head, Kirau closed her eyes, elbowing Ryuk sharply to follow her lead. He did so, though he still wasn't sure what it was all for. A stray cat?

After a few moments of silence, her eyes opened, and Kirau let out a soft sigh. Her gaze was once more directed towards the wide blue yonder, causing her eyes to reflect the shade so deeply that Ryuk almost thought he was falling into her stare. There was something hidden behind those eyes; so heavy and meaningful, if only to her. And if it meant something to her, then he wanted to know it, too. She couldn't hide anything from him.

"So...what was all this for, anyway? This 'funeral'? I mean, it was just a stray..." Kirau did not look at him, continuing to stare out at the vastness of sky above their heads. But she had heard his inquiry. Her words did not waver as she spoke.

"Because...no one else would have done it. No one else would have cared. I didn't want him to be alone." She now turned face him, and her expression caused Ryuk to take a step back in the air. Her eyes were glistening with tears that refused to fall, but there was no trace of sadness to be found in her features. Only cool resignation.

"When I die, I'm going to be alone. I figured I would give him what I won't have." She walked past him, heading for the sidewalk. "Let's go home, Ryuk. I feel like some Note-taking." He obliged, mulling over those last words in his head.

It made sense, however kooky, but at the same time...it tugged at something inside of him. This girl was a real enigma. Was she a monster? Or was she a saint? Simply misguided? He was still having a hard time determining where she fell on the scale of Death Note users. Unlike most people, she was trying to find a speck of honesty in her situation, which wasn't a part of the usual human reasoning. She accepted her crimes as a user.

But on the other hand...Ryuk was still in the dark as to her past, and how she had become the way she was. And now, Ryuk had to admit it: he wanted to know. He wanted to figure her out, so he could finally shut that voice up once and for all. He was going to solve the mystery of little Miss Kirau.

_No matter how long it takes, I'll win this. In the end, she's just a human. Just like Light. Just like the rest of them. No more, no less._ He cast a last glance at his mute companion.

_You're wrong about one thing though, Kirau. When you die...I will be there to see you off. I won't weep. But I will be there. _

_I just don't know if I'll miss you._

**A/N: Yeeep...that's the end. Of this chapter, at least.**

**'waves' So. You all still reading this fic, or what? No feedback for the last update...not surprised, but I think I'm allowed to be at least slightly disappointed? ^^; I worry that I may have truly messed something up.**

**But anyways. On with the gist of this note. I had this chapter idea in my mind for quite some time, but only got around to writing it within the last week or so. Roadkill always strikes a sour note in my heart...I always have trouble looking away. To a certain degree, it brings back some 'memories'...yeah. Kirau's priorities are both sympathetic, as well as misguided. 'shrugs' If that makes any sense? And, bit by bit, Ryuk is admitting that this girl is affecting him in a way that none of the other DN users have. Hope it's believable?**

**Also, the beginning. Did any of you like seeing the interactions taking place in the Shinigami realm? So many stories take place in our world; I wanted to take a chance, and play around w/Ryuk's homeland as well. It's pretty fun, trying to capture the different voices of death, along w/inventing new monstrous appearances. **

**As always, feedback is welcomed and appreciated. Still working on chapter ten; if I can finish it this weekend, I'll get to work on eleven next Monday. See you later, and take care.**

**=^.^"= **


	10. Eyes

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note. All rights belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I only own my OC's-'Kirau', and…that's it, for main characters. And this particular fanfic. Thank you.**

**Welcome to Psychosis**

"I still don't see the problem here!"

"The problem, young lady, is _you_! Always giving me lip, chasing off customers, and now this! The floors are sopping wet-I could've slipped and broken my back!"

"That's what the sign is for! Or are you assuming that our patrons can't read, too? It's not my fault if you came rushing out here like the building was on fire!"

"What was that?"

The fluorescent lights flickered and fizzled above, casting their light down upon the empty rows and aisles of untouched merchandise. The linoleum floors gleamed, reflecting the glare of a good cleaning and fresh water. Near the entrance was a yellow folding sign, that read 'CAUTION: WET FLOOR', complete with an illustration of a slipping figure.

Unfortunately, Mr. Marcus, the ever observant manager, hadn't noticed the advertisement as he came tromping out of his office, to head out for a lunch break. He'd had to grab ahold of the counter to keep from skidding across the floor on his prominent rear. Now, his wrath was turned full-force on his employee, who didn't see any problem with cleaning while the store was operating.

"Look, how many other stores do their cleaning during working hours? No offense, _sir_, but your complaint isn't very justified!" Trying to swallow the venom teetering on the edges of her lips, Kirau kept her balled fists at her sides, breathing as slow and evenly as she could manage. She was doing her best to reason with the portly man. But he wasn't having any of it.

"This is my business, which you happen to be an employee of!" _Yeah, more like 'the only one'._ Again, Kirau held her tongue, as he rattled on. "And as long as you are in my service, you would do well to follow my rules!" He huffed, and Kirau stood up straighter, effectively gaining three inches or more on his height. "Your rules? Since when is cleaning during off hours only a rule?"

"Since now! Or are you looking to lose your job?" At this, the girl flinched, taking an unexpected step back. Mr. Marcus smirked in triumph. "That's right. You've seen the state of the economy right now: finding another line of work is damn near impossible in this climate. So if you don't want the roof over your head to disappear, you'll do as I say!" He crossed his pudgy arms over his chest, watching as the headstrong girl before him grit her teeth in resignation.

"I'll...get started on drying the floors, sir. And putting away the sign." He nodded as she skulked off towards the closet, calling after her retreating form "And since you're so concerned about the state of our store, you can stay after hours and give it a more thorough cleaning! I'll leave the keys out here, so you can lock up when you're done!" Kirau shot him a look of shock over her shoulder, which soon turned into one of quiet fury. "Duly noted, sir." With a noted thud of her battered boots, she opened the door, pulling out a pair of dry, stained rags.

As soon as Mr. Marcus had left the establishment, she let out a screech of unbridled rage, complete with a string of expletives. Who cared if the cameras were on? He knew she was pissed, no matter if she actually finished the tasks set out before her. "Stupid, arrogant, flabby, son-of-a-"

"Jeez. You really are a doormat when it comes to him, eh?"

The girl whirled around, seething glare settling on the hovering Shinigami behind the cash register. "Shut up! He may be a jackass, but he has a point!" Throwing the rags to the ground, Kirau knelt down, and began wiping up the wet trails. "I wouldn't be able to find a scrap of work in the city right now. Not only is the economy bad, but this whole community's fallen into a state of disrepair!" She bit at her lower lip, scrubbing furiously. "Stupid governor...can't lead for shit..."

Ryuk tilted his head, floating over to where she sat. He stepped down lightly upon the tiles. "So, reconsidering the idea of axing the sack?"

"No. Like I said before, I can't do it. I need the money. I wouldn't have any way to get to it if he croaked. Right now, I'd much rather kill off that smug bastard, Richie. But then our government would be scrambling to find a new leader-and who knows who they'd elect this time around in his place?" Of all people, how could someone like Jeff Richie make it to office? He was as corrupt as they came! That smarmy 'charisma' of his couldn't hide the fact that his whole platform stunk to high heaven. If you weren't wealthy, a tourist, or both, then you weren't welcome in his town.

"Wasting our taxes on pointless 'beautification' projects, cutting back funds for the schools and mental health programs, ignoring the pothole problem-is there anything he's gotten right? Augh!" Kirau wanted to beat her head against the ground.

"Why couldn't you kill him off? This 'Richie'? I don't see the problem. If he's as bad as you say, then how could there possibly be anyone worse?" Ryuk crossed his legs, lifting off the floor once more. Kirau shook her head.

"Trust me, Ryuk: there's _always_ someone or something worse out there. That's the way this world works. I don't know what kinda living you're used to, but this place is rotten to the core. You gotta be on guard twenty-four seven. Otherwise, you'll be drawn and quartered. And that's just the beginning."

He blinked. "Well, yeah...all worlds have their share of garbage. It's an established rule of existence. But aren't you working to change that? I thought that's what the Death Note was for. Unless you've given up your previous mission?" Kirau looked at him with a scowl. She hated it when he tried to be poignant like this. Why? Well usually, he had a point.

But her mood was crappy as was. She didn't feel like giving in again, nor did she feel like another fight. So, she chose the last option available: she dodged the subject. "It has nothing to do with that! It's common sense! You ever had t'deal with a Hydra?"

Ryuk shrugged. "Never heard of it. What's that got to do with the subject at hand?"

"Everything. You cut off one head, two or three more sprout up in its place, ten times worse than the first. That's the way politics works here. Unless we actually find someone worth a campaign, I ain't touching that mess of a man in a biohazard suit with a fifty-foot pole!" She resumed her drying. "At least I haven't had to deal with him up close and personal in any way. Just his lousy choices. But better that than an army of him."

"Right..." Ryuk still didn't understand the supposed 'logic' here. What was he missing? Was Kirau that dense? Was she truly afraid? Was she simply uninterested? If it was the last one...well. That wasn't any fun. Light would've had the drive to attempt such an undertaking...wait, was he missing the guy?

_Yeah, right. I just want some memorable moments here. She's got promise. A lot of it. And this could be the perfect opportunity to raise the stakes; go from playing kid's games to something bigger. Far more fitting for a Goddess in training._ Once again, that voice.

_**So, you do want her to succeed. You care what happens to your little pet of a charge. So, how happy would you be if she actually decided to take you up on your ideas? Would you congratulate her? Would you forget about Light completely? Or maybe, just maybe, you'd-**_

_Shut up!_ Ryuk had had it up to here with this accursed 'conscience'. He just wanted to enjoy himself! His existence was the most boring thing he could think of; manipulating these fleshy puppets was a perfect outlet for his frustration, utilizing his own ends while not even getting his hands dirty! He didn't have to work at it, he just had to be there! Like the whispering snake into the ear of a malleable body. It was the ultimate thrill, the greatest game ever played! His brethren had no idea what they were missing out on! _So high and mighty...granted, I have my standards, but at the same time, I know how to take a risk or two. _

His golden eyes lingered on Kirau's furiously working form. Why, why did she torment herself with such menial tasks as these? She knew the power that she held, and yet, she insisted on attempting to fit into this world, this world of fools and wasted space. Among these cretins who could never understand. They'd never understand the truth, and they couldn't understand her. Only he did. At least, part of the time.

He controlled her. He contained her. He kept her. She was his, his own personal one-woman show. An array of fresh blood and fractured memories and bitter eyes and night sweats and tongue twisters and inner visions and the deepest scars. She was his own puzzle. He'd solve her, learn everything about what made her tick.

And then...then, he would...he would...

_**Get rid of her?**_ His conscience interrupted. _**Take her soul? Let another have it? Watch her die?**_ Ryuk nodded, but his mind didn't seem to be acknowledging the words.

It was inevitable. At some point or another, Kirau, like all other humans, would meet her maker. How or when this would happen, the Shinigami couldn't be sure. All he was certain of was its eventual occurrence. In the end, there were no true immortals. Even Gods of Death were vulnerable, though they were servants to the cause.

_**In the end, you're always a slave to something. Even her. Even you.**_ His conscience chuckled. _**So, Ryuk...whose slave are you?**_

He had no answer, watching the figure on the ground below carefully make her way through the store, mopping up the small puddles she'd left behind in her previous chore. It would have been so easy to just shrug it off and say no one, but he couldn't. A tiny piece of him, neatly buried under centuries of indifference and apathy was beginning to rear its head, mingling with his curiosity. And it refused to let him lie. Not this time.

The shift continued on in silence.

**…...**

"Are you sure you don't want to reconsider my offer? It's not like the world's really going to miss one more politician."

"For the last time, _no_. Now drop it already. Besides, I already have a list of names to add..."

The evening was in full swing, and the city was lit up by all manner of artificial lights. Street lamps, store lights, headlights-all were glaring and casting notable shadows in the corners and alleyways that no one could reach. The places that were untouched by all but those who were forced into them, or who dared to mingle, if only for a few steps.

Among the traffic of cars and bodies were Kirau and Ryuk. The pair were making their way across another street, ignoring the congestion of bodies and overlapping voices to cut a path for themselves. They'd grown used to the strange stares received by uninvited spectators, as they conversed with each other. It wasn't like they didn't look anyway, for some reason or other-people had too much free time on their hands nowadays.

"Sheesh. Everywhere you look, it seems like there's more residents, more vehicles." Kirau's muscles ached, as she stopped at the edge of the next curb. All that extra work she'd had to undertake today-if there was a 'Best of the Worst Bosses' award in existence, Mr. Marcus would win it, hands down. Reaching out to her right, she pressed the button for the crosswalk light. Ryuk surveyed the masses with his usual unreadable expression. "Most worlds are quite overpopulated, just like this."

The girl snorted. "I doubt there's any place out there that has nearly as much waste contained in a single area like this one does." The light changed, and she started across. "And this is just one metropolis. Combine this with the rest of 'em far and wide, and you've got one hot mess of creeping, crawling living horror. Sounds like a blurb for a horror flick." She smirked. "In my youth, I'd have considered writing it down, as a possible idea for a future attempt at making it to the big screen. Today, I much prefer to create my own real-life massacre. After all, even film isn't a bulletproof escape from reality."

"Mmm..." Her words drifted in and out of Ryuk's line of hearing, as he continued to take in the familiar scenery. He'd only been here for a month or so, maybe longer, but the details were already etched into his mind. It had become home to him. This was his home.

They had finally passed through the city and entered suburbia. He looked down at Kirau, who was now stopped on the bridge, gazing over the edge once more at the flowing water beneath. Just like the first night he'd watched her, aside from the fact that this time, she wasn't entertaining thoughts of suicide. This was his home, and she was the housekeeper. So then...what did that make him?

_Heh. I'm the Master. The head of the household._ He felt quite smug at this admission, only to be sideswiped by that irritating voice, yet again. _**Either that, or you're the dog. Getting enough scraps there, Spot? **_

_Piss off. I'm no pet. I hold the leash, I make the orders; I started this all, and it will all end with me. _Kirau had a small handful of stones in her hands, and was trying to skim them over the rushing water's surface. But they mostly sunk after a bounce or two. Again, more retaliation.

_**Right, right. You just happen to have been caught off-guard by her voice, and as for the rest of it? Just blame it on your curiosity. You know, if you really held all the cards here, as you say, then you could just as easily have gotten your answers already. All you'd need is a bit of force. You could make her tell you, without breaking a sweat. So why do you continue to humor her? **_These words did not sit well with Ryuk.

_I don't 'humor' her. But where's the fun in getting what I want so quickly? I want to savor this. I want to see her grow. Everything will be revealed in time. _He could almost see the speaker shaking his head. _**And by that time, it will be too late. You won't have the luxury of turning back. **_

This statement baffled him. _Turn back? What are you-_But he was cut off by Kirau calling out to him. "Come on, Demon. I'm actually looking forward to my lackluster shower and patchwork meal." _After today, anything is better than remembering that spineless miser. _She shook her bangs out of her eyes, trying to hold back a yawn_. _

"Right..." Forced to drop the conversation, the Shinigami floated after his charge, allowing his thoughts to wander along the lines of the Death Note instead. Maybe Kirau would engage in some more writing after dinner.

**…...**

"Man...just add some birds, and call me a statue. So dull..."

It was yet another day at the shop, and Kirau was slumped behind the counter, chin resting in her hand. She barely moved, not even to blink or brush the loose strands of hair from her darkened eyes. Ryuk had to agree with her statement; if he hadn't given her the occasional closer glance of mild scrutiny, he wouldn't have been able to tell if she was even breathing.

How did this guy manage to stay in business, anyway? He barely made any money off of the goods at his store, and it wasn't free to own a space like this, no matter how small. So how was he paying for it? Kirau had no answer, but at the moment, wasn't particularly wary or interested in the mental debate. So long as she had a job, she was happy. She just hoped it would stay that way.

_Hmph. Knowing Richie though, he may very well deem this place a 'hazard', or some BS like that, so he can site it for a takeover or demolition. Just to make room for more of his crap, that he claims is being done 'in the name of the people'. Right. As if working here isn't done out of a catering to the masses already, but the goodness of my own lil' heart._ Kirau rolled her eyes.

Again, she wasn't in the most pleasant of moods. After being forced to work overtime the day before with no compensation to show for it, she was tired and crabby. Upon arriving at home, she'd wound up crashing on her bed, skipping over the meal and shower and heading straight into dreamland. So when she'd woken up this morning with a growling stomach, drenched in sweat after a series of vivid dreams, she hadn't exactly been thrilled to troop back into the establishment, just to fail at sales while standing on tired feet.

_Tonight, definitely. I'm taking a long soak in the bathroom. Who cares if there's no hot water? I need the contact. I need the sound. I need to wash this place off my skin, outta my hair, and outta my life. Until the next shift, anyway. _Scratching behind her neck, the girl settled back into position, looking up at her hovering companion.

Even the Death Note was starting to lose some of its luster. Her last few kills, while satisfying, hadn't garnered nearly as much of a reaction as she would have liked. The names were varied, from corrupt celebrities to smooth criminals and everyone in-between. But if anything, the world seemed to get worse with every new day. It was as if the degeneration were spreading, faster than any virus. Could she truly achieve anything close to a utopia of peace in her lifetime?

_I don't know...but at this point, it's too late to turn back. I'm going to see this through, damn it._ Her eyes narrowed, and she now gazed out sternly at the crowds beyond the glass door. _I haven't accomplished anything in my life so far, so if I'm going to try, this will be it. My one chance. I'm putting everything into this mission. I'll die with a purpose._

These thoughts seemed to soothe the frustration inside, as she returned to watching the clock and running her tongue along the back of her teeth behind closed lips. Things would pick up. She'd get her message across to the populace, one way or another. The invisible was now the illuminated. For all the times she'd been fucked over...now, she played the role of karma. She got to dish out consequences to those who had spent their lives thinking that no one could ever touch them; would never be able to pin them for their crimes against humanity.

_I'm hungry..._"Oi." The sound made her glance up once more at Ryuk, who was now spinning around in a slow circle. He was looking at her upside-down. "I want an apple."

Kirau sighed, but chose not to mouth off. The movement was better than nothing, she supposed. "Fine. Go to the back. I'll hide you again." The Shinigami readily zoomed down the aisles, towards the produce section where the apples lay face up, exposed for the taking. After choosing one, Ryuk began chomping away, as Kirau acted as shield. They'd been doing this for the last month, ever since the first time he'd accompanied her to her job. It had become yet another familiar routine between the two of them.

As Ryuk took a large bite, he felt Kirau's arm brush against his abdomen. He twitched just slightly, before resuming his eating. There it was again-that prickling heat. Just because the actions were old hat didn't mean the sensations were any easier to handle. He still hadn't figured out their cause, either.

"For someone with so much rage inside, you sure are patient when it comes to this place." Ryuk hadn't meant to say anything. The words had simply come tumbling out. He briefly wondered if Kirau would take a swing at him for questioning her spine.

But apparently, he was being granted immunity to her wrath today. Her stare was leveled at the wooden door that led to Mr. Marcus' office. "It's not patience. It's doing whatever you need to, to survive. As much as it pains me to wear this mask, I have to. One for him, one for the outside, you get the picture. But if anyone's stupid enough to take me on, then the mask is removed, and the fangs come out. You anger the badger, you deal with the consequences." She seemed to lean into him then, just a bit. "The only time I don't have to wear masks is when I'm-"

She stopped suddenly, face gradually taking on a shade of cherry. The Death God looked at her in confusion, wondering to himself why she'd cut off. Her eyes were wider, and she quickly pushed away from him, arms folded across her chest. "H-hurry up, okay? My legs are starting to hurt."

She couldn't believe she'd almost said that! How could she have allowed herself to come so close to uttering such sap? If those words had left her mouth...oh, Ryuk wouldn't have let her live it down. Where was she getting this nonsense from, anyway?

"_The only time I don't have to wear masks is when I'm with you."_ Had she really thought that; been so willing to say it? Of course she still wore masks around him! Maybe more than anyone else, in fact. He wasn't some human fool she could pull the wool over and run mental circles around. He was all too aware of the situation. He was here for one reason, and one reason only: to get what was his. A good show. She was merely the performer, while the world was her stage. But the audience ultimately held all the power.

And this audience was not empathetic, nor did they care for her opinion on the relationship between them. This was all just another day in the business of death. It was her second job, you could say, and Ryuk was her employer. At least he was better to serve under than Marcus, but-

She bit at the inside of her mouth. On the one hand yes, she did hide things from him. But at the same time, the things she hid...they were on a far different level than what she chose to keep from the rest of the world and its prying eyes. When she admitted this, though...it only helped to increase the chaos in her mind. Her feelings were becoming seriously warped here. And she couldn't even determine whether or not it was truly a bad thing any longer.

_Jeez. My head hurts._ At long last, Ryuk had finished his snack. Trudging back to the checkout, Kirau resumed her place beside the cash register. She needed to eat. Maybe that's why her brain was so scrambled.

_I want this day to be over already. Dead and gone._ In the air, Ryuk was now picking at a small crack in the ceiling. She hoped he didn't break anything; Mr. Marcus would find some way to accuse her of the damages, and she had no desire to share any of her secrets with that jerk-off.

_But, it would serve him right, for not keeping this dump in shape._

**…...**

"Hey, hurry up, girlie! I got places to be!"

"Shut up, ya lazy gas guzzler! Traffic laws exist for a reason! Maybe if you weren't so reliant on your damn wheels all the time, you'd actually open your eyes and gain some common sense!"

"Fuck you!"

"Oh, please. You couldn't even get it up!"

Another day come to an end. Horns were blaring, crowds were pulsing, and the air was thick with exhaust fumes, oily foods, cigarettes, liquor, piss and a few other unmentionables. Just the usual night in the city. Once again, Kirau was making her way through the madness. And her short fuse had already burned to both ends a long time ago. She was on the warpath. And it wasn't pretty.

"Heh. You're good at telling them off, aren't you?" Ryuk chuckled softly, as Kirau shot him a brief, bitter grin from over her shoulder. "Years of practice." He responded with a nod. "Though granted, you're still pretty young..."

"In this world, childhood is a luxury. I had to grow up fast. It's one of the reasons no one's managed to kill me yet. Like a human cockroach, I keep coming back for more." She held back a laugh, and Ryuk allowed a smirk to play at the ends of his mouth. Her analogies were spot-on. If she'd had the desire, she could've made a good career on the stage. Bleak humor, drenched in personal experience. Maybe she could've found a way into the media, and gained control of the reins.

But then again...there wouldn't be any blood or bodies, and he couldn't have that. He preferred things this way. He had a permanent front row seat to the action.

"Shit. This is too much." Kirau's ocean eyes were scanning the streets rapidly, as if looking for a way out. Taking the main roads was ultimately the shortest route back to the apartment, though with all the people it took a good while before they would actually reach the complex. And today, with her nerves frayed as it was, she had no interest in staying on the beaten path.

"I know it's around here somewhere-around this corner, a few shops down." Kirau suddenly turned, and Ryuk had to make a quick 180 to keep up with her. Floating beside her, he tried to figure out what she was planning. "Where are we going now?"

"Different route. It's longer than the usual, but it's also empty. Factoring in these crowds, we'll be home faster this way. Just keep your eyes out for thugs or the homeless. Don't wanna get mugged or stomp on someone's cardboard home, now do we?" Again, Ryuk nodded. When it came to travel, Kirau was in charge.

They reached the entryway to a long alley. Ryuk's eyes gazed upwards, at the top of the buildings and the inky sky, before returning to focus on the narrow route and various debris scattered about the ground. A nearby trashcan was overturned, blocking half of the path, and Kirau had to step over it carefully. "Yeesh. Someone was hungry."

"Mm..." As they continued on inside, a moving, mumbling shadow up ahead caught the Shinigami's attention. A haggard looking male, most likely middle-aged, was weaving and wobbling against the grimy stone wall. His straggly pale locks framed a scratchy face, battered most likely by age and drugs, as bloodshot eyes surveyed the girl who passed him indifferently. He raised a shaking arm, to point a finger in her direction. "The end! And they shall bring peace...thy tongue is tainted; cast it out! Cut it out of you-stones like sins! The weight of penance..."

Ryuk saw the subtle change: Kirau's shoulders stiffened, but she said nothing, choosing to keep walking. Just another crazy drunk, looking for an ear to listen and a bottomless wallet to provide him with liquid charity. The Death God trailed after her, shaking his head-

It happened in an instant. The man had leapt forwards, crashing through Ryuk as he tackled Kirau to the ground. She let out a cry as her bag went flying, her head smashing into the dirt. The male was yanking furiously at her top, fingers raking across her skin as he shook her furiously. "Repent! Repent! And they shall set you free-rebirth, and wash away the transgressions of youth! Open yourself! Give unto me!" She felt one hand reach down, towards the hem of her skirt, while the other gripped at her throat tightly. Gasping, Kirau desperately tried to kick him away, flailing helplessly upon the ground.

Ryuk was torn in two. He wasn't a good guy. He wasn't. He wasn't! Death and tragedy were synonymous in his thesaurus! But on the other hand, it was his freaking charge! His puppet was the one being attacked! She held the Death Note! If she died now, he'd most likely be sent back to his realm, without seeing her reach her full potential!

"Ah...aah..." Kirau could hear the frantic pounding of her heart, as her chest began to hurt from lack of air. Her vision was starting to distort. All sound seemed to dissolve and reform into nothing. There was a strange filter upon her surroundings now, muffling the vibrations as the voice of the male above her was drowned out completely. Her thrashing limbs were beginning to grow weak, and she cast a last pitiful stare at her silent companion. Her lips parted, desperate to speak. To form the one word she'd come to associate with salvation.

"R-R-Ry...Ry-Ry...uk..."

Her voice was barely audible, and nearly obscured by her labored gags and gasps, but it was clear enough for him. With a swift grab and yank, Ryuk had reached out, effectively pulling the stranger off of the girl's body. Throwing him aside, the man let out a yelp, like a wounded dog.

Kirau sat up with a jolt, and almost fell backwards again at the sudden rush of feeling and air flooding into her lungs. Panting, she looked over at the man, then her discarded bag, and finally at her rescuer. Both parties were beyond shocked at the events and outcome.

But not nearly as much as from the next words that fell from her lips with a rasp. "R-Ryuk...I want-I want...to make the deal! Now!"

**A/N: Yep. That's how it ends. On a semi-cliffhanger.**

**Things are heating up. Had a maddening time trying to write this out, without screwing over characterization in the process. Whether or not feelings are developing, there's no way Ryuk would jump head-first into playing the role of a hero. It would certainly confound him, even as/after he chose to engage in said reason. I tried my best to explore his reasoning and thoughts in a believable manner. Is it still working?**

**Yeah, Kirau is...she's gotten the short end of the stick for quite some time now. And things are starting to finally come to a head. The Death Note is only one part of a larger picture. Right now, it's starting to fall into a strange role of 'therapy'. Eventually though, she'll start figuring out that it can only go so far, and she'll have to make a choice. More details will be revealed in future installments, including, at long last, her past, and how she came to be. Hope you're still interested in reading? **

**Which reminds me: after this, there are three updates left to this series. It's gonna clock in at thirteen chapters, so it should be finished within the next three weeks [ends sometime next month? My math might be off]. To all of you who have reviewed, alerted and/or favorited this story, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means the world to me that my bizarre idea has managed to entertain and inspire others. I aim to please. :)**

**Take care. Until next time, adieu. **

**=^.^= **


	11. Guilty

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note. All rights belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I only own my OC's-'Kirau', and…that's it, for main characters. And this particular fanfic. Thank you.**

**A/N: Just a head's up: there are references to sensitive subject matter contained here [rape, suicide, self-destructive behaviors]. **

**Welcome to Psychosis**

"M-make...make the deal with me! Grant me t-the Shinigami Eyes!"

The stillness of the air was not enough to stifle the waves of overwhelming confusion and disbelief that were currently flooding Ryuk's mind. His gaze darted back and forth, from the crumpled girl below him, to the groaning male in the corner, and back again. What had just happened? What had he done? Was he going to suffer for it? Why had he reacted so?

And most importantly...why did Kirau want to make the deal now?

With wobbly steps, the female carefully rose to her feet, palms serving to help lift her up. Brushing her scraped hands against her skirt, she shuffled over to her backpack. She picked it up, resting it in the crook of her arm before unzipping it. Pulling out her pen and that thin black notebook, she let the sack fall back to the ground, methodically flipping open the tablet cover and thumbing through the pages. Her eyes glanced over, to lock with Ryuk's bewildered stare once more. Although her expression was haunted and her breathing was ragged, her words were clear. "Well? Let's get this over with."

Almost timidly, the Shinigami floated across to hover in front of her, watching with bated breath as she finally found a clean page. "You do understand that in exchange for this, you will be giving up one half of your natural life here?" Kirau nodded.

"I didn't forget." Now her voice was a whisper. "But I...I need this." Her head turned, to focus on the haggard man to the side. He couldn't see her face, but could only begin to imagine the venom in her eyes. He would have easily had his way with her, no matter how it may have been undertaken. Violation, murder, perhaps both? How could such people be allowed to roam the streets freely?

Oh sure, he'd seen many a deranged individual in his time, but this time around...Ryuk truly felt a sense of churning in his lower stomach. Was this what humans called 'nausea'? If it was, he could understand why they didn't like it. It felt like he was about to lose all of the apples he'd ever consumed! The thought was a tough one to drive away.

But it wasn't nearly as consuming as the other that bubbled forth from far below the disgust, cloaked in the tones of his nagging, ever-present 'conscience'. It was like he was home to two distinct personalities! And one of them was determined to wrest control away from the other, if for no reason besides gaining a sense of equality. The concept was worrying.

_**Why does it bother you so? So Kirau would have died. She's just human. If you'd lost her, you could have just scooped up the Note, and found your way to another person before anyone above became fully aware of the situation. But you didn't. You stepped in, and saved her, this...this insignificant ant on the planet's surface, by your own hand.**_ The voice chuckled. _**While you won't suffer the consequences of self-destruction, seeing as you didn't use the Note to accomplish the deed, it's still quite the rattling realization, eh?**_

Ryuk couldn't deny that last statement. He couldn't deny any of it, in fact. Why, why, why, _why_? As soon as she'd looked at him, spoken his name as if it were the only word of importance in her eyes, he had fallen under the spell. It was as if he weren't in charge of his own body any longer! He shouldn't have cared: that was what it boiled down to. He wasn't meant to care. He was meant to survey and take. Never give. Never help. He was unbiased, not meant to interfere in fate's grand design. He followed the rules for the most part, and received his fair share in due time.

So then...what had happened here?

The Death God wasn't the only one who was at a loss for explanations. Kirau remembered the terror she'd felt in her heart; the adrenaline coursing through her veins, clear as day. But when she'd looked at Ryuk, letting his name slip from her tongue to the night air, she hadn't expected him to step in and offer her a hand. No matter what that other side was telling her.

She swallowed. Okay, if she were allowed to admit it...the thought had crossed her mind, in those desperate moments. But! There was a difference between thinking of something to happen and believing it would occur. That's where she drew the line. That's where her pulse started to skip.

Ryuk was not a guardian. He wasn't a hero. He was neither good nor evil. He was meant to be a neutral party, indifferent to all that happened around him. At least, that's what she'd taken from his attitude and explanations. She knew that when she died, he'd move on, back to his world until the next thrill came along. He'd made it explicitly clear that she was no more than a plaything to him, a way to pass the time. And at first, she'd accepted that. There had been no desire in her heart for anything more or less.

Now, though? After all that had just occurred? She could no longer be sure. It wasn't just her feelings that were in turmoil here. Kirau was sure that Ryuk was just as lost as she. It was practically written on his face.

He had no obligation to save her. He wasn't supposed to. It was meant to just happen. If she couldn't fight off her attacker, then she'd suffer the outcome. That was the way life worked.

But he'd stepped in. He'd gone against his own cause, just to keep her around a little longer. The idea was playing havoc with her remaining sanity.

"Oi." She looked up, heavy-lidded eyes taking in his towering form above her. One clawed hand was lifted, and his gaze seemed to glow even more intently in the moonlight. "Are you ready?" There was no discernible emotion to his voice: no anger, sorrow, or even enthusiasm. Was she just over-thinking things again, perhaps?

Slowly, she nodded. "Yes...if I have to give part of my time to s-someone, anyone...I want it to be you." She couldn't stop herself from saying those words, but this time around, she really couldn't muster up the necessary reaction of...embarrassment? Is that what it was? Or something more?

Ryuk had never felt this much tension gripping at him before. Not even when Kirau had brushed against him, or even convinced him to engage in that blasted 'kiss'. Not even when she'd made him hold that dead cat, and join him in the makeshift burial ceremony. This was a completely unique situation altogether. This time around, he had no excuses to hide behind. No matter how he tried to cling to the idea of 'not wanting to go through the trouble of finding a new user', even he could see the holes. They were big enough to fit the entire Shinigami Realm through!

"Keep your eyes open. This will take less than a minute." Hesitantly, he stretched his arm out towards her, hand drawing closer and closer, until his palm was covering her aqua gaze from his view. Why was it taking him so long to complete this exchange? He lingered upon the numbers above her head, and as he concentrated his energy, feeling the familiar shift and swap of lifeforce, the digits began to spin backwards, decreasing in amount. A strange sensation of falling swept through him, from his chest to his abdomen.

Kirau saw nothing but darkness. She was trying not to tremble at the contact, keeping her gaze steady no matter how much she was tempted to blink. A sudden surge of energy zipped through her thin frame, and she had to clench her fists tightly, nails digging into the book cover to keep from leaning back. The feeling carefully made its way upwards, settling in her eyes as a hint of heaviness became present. As if there were something upon the pupils and irises, though she knew that if she looked in a mirror, she wouldn't see anything.

Then, it was over. The Shinigami retracted his hand, noticing that brief flash of red before the color returned to his charge's eyes. Kirau began taking in her surroundings once more. The high stone walls. The grimy ground beneath her tattered boots. The thick outer shell of the book in her hands. The thin pen between her fingers. The hint of a chill grazing her flushed skin, cooling the sweat that had begun to form at her temples and neck. And...

Her eyes wandered over the Shinigami before her. Ryuk looked no different than always. But when her stare locked on the muttering, shivering figure behind him, the change was all too apparent. With slow, deliberate steps she walked over, until she stood before him. Her skinny frame towered over his curled one, the cast shadow only serving to emphasize his shoddy appearance. Eyes flickering upwards, the man's unintelligible words became far louder and frenzied.

"L-less than three...he of the nameless, thou that hast ripped their soul from amongst this plane...the city is screaming; my blood flows like a river. And I admonish thee...you have no power over me..."

Kirau did not acknowledge his statements. She simply proceeded to scribble the name above his head upon the page. Her lips were pulled into a tight grimace, as she counted down in her head. _Never again. Never again will anyone have to be afraid..._

"Ah-!" He froze, body stiffening as a gnarled hand clutched in terror at his chest. He fell back, writhing upon the ground. His eyes were bulging and his breathing was erratic, as disjointed sounds fell from his saliva-coated lips. The spittle began to dribble down, settling among the facial hair and under his chin. His eyes soon rolled up into his head, as his motions began to still. The noises had been replaced with faint gurgles that were already fading. His hand slipped from his chest, to flop limply at his side.

Kirau turned on her heel then, not bothering to spare the body a second glance. Hauling up her backpack from the ground, she slipped the straps over her shoulders, hunching forwards as she kept the Death Note crushed against her front. Ryuk trailed along behind her, unable to bring himself to speak in the face of what had just happened. Somehow, he knew that the girl didn't want to dwell on it, and he had no reason to pry any further.

He'd gotten to witness a killing up close, as well as gain a taste of a fresh soul. And Kirau had gotten the Shinigami eyes. What else was there to say?

_**Aside from the unanswered questions of before...unless you honestly think that if you ignore them, they'll just go away?**_ His conscience smirked, but Ryuk had no energy to rip it away with a scathing retort. Not tonight. Too much to process.

_**Then, you're not ignoring them; you're just going to dwell upon them all alone in your head, but keep them unspoken? Interesting strategy, but you're still left right back where you started. Oh, Ryuk...when will you find your truth?**_

Again, he had no response to offer.

**…...**

Sunlight. The reward to surviving another lengthy night in this world of demons and liars, without falling victim to their cunning tactics and charms. In other words, actually waking up to see a new morning.

For Kirau however, it simply meant that she was free of the nightmares in her head for another twelve or so hours while she was conscious. She got to deal with the horrors of the real world instead.

It had been two days since her encounter in the alley, and she still hadn't recovered from what had happened. She'd been walking around in a daze, doing her daily chores but without the usual spark and snark that was so present within her personality. Hell, right now she barely even had one to begin with! It was as if she were a zombie, drifting from one place to another with only a single thought upon her mind: the next destination. She completed her shift at the grocers without any comebacks or complaints; no crude commentary on the few scattered passerby that trickled in.

Ryuk was at a loss not just as for what to do, but how to feel. Yes, Kirau had been attacked. She'd come quite close to more than just obtaining a few mixed scratches and bruises. That man had nearly dispatched her from this world, among other things.

But he hadn't. Shouldn't she be taking solace in that fact?

Not only that, but she had the Shinigami Eyes as well! She could now write names at the drop of a hat, no longer having to worry about identity or snagging names from headlines and bulletins on that fuzzy screen. The world was an open book at her fingertips, and this was how she chose to respond? It made no sense. Not to him, anyway.

_For crying out loud! I saved her damn life! She should be bowing at my feet, scribbling names like there's no tomorrow!_ Ryuk had no clue as to why this issue bothered him so much. If it was simply about her lack of Death Note usage, he could stick his face in hers, and start demanding. But it seemed to stretch farther than that. Also, for the first time, he felt a sense of restraint, holding him back and causing himself to question and second-guess his own ideas and intentions.

All his life, he had never hesitated. He had never experienced regret or fear. He had never worried or pondered. The few questions he'd had during his time with Light had all been answered swiftly and with enough detail to soothe his curiosity. But not here. Not with her. This fractured specimen of a human being.

Kirau had somehow gotten in, way in, digging under his skin to the very core of his being. She took his rules, his routine, his Shinigami ideals and apathy, and threw them out the window. For all her posturing about being a loner and having turned her back on this world and all its inhabitants, they still affected her. Their existence still shaped her actions and beliefs, still created in her desires that could not be dismissed, no matter how hard she tried to claim otherwise.

To Ryuk, it was both frustrating and engaging to watch her struggle to condition herself. Wherever this agenda of hers had sprung from, he didn't know. And it was eating him up inside. The more he tried to find a reason why, the more questions he was left asking. Kirau wanted to be emotionless, but in the end she was a cornucopia of feelings and sensations, more than the rest of her flesh-ridden counterparts put together. She wanted to pass merciless judgment, just as those before her had done. Just as those around her continued to do.

But she couldn't. She could kill, yes, but she couldn't shake off that inner conflict. At the end, when all was said and done, she still felt pain. Her words only extended so far. She knew what was waiting for her once her time was up. And she accepted it. But that didn't mean she didn't continue thinking about it. She both waited for and feared that absolution.

How could such a being have come in possession of an article like the Death Note? What had Ryuk been thinking when he'd handed it to her, so long ago? He'd thought that she would provide him another good show, just like her predecessors. And she did. She really did. She made him search and hunt, high and low, for the necessary answers. It wasn't heavy lifting, but it was a game. A game he was certain he would win.

But now? He didn't know which end was up and which was down. And as angry as he should have been, for allowing himself to lose control so spectacularly...he wasn't.

His thirst for knowledge, that overwhelming hunger to have a label for this specimen seated before him on the floor, legs crossed as she sat on her bed, arms stretched behind her with palms flat on the blankets, her ocean eyes staring distantly at the ceiling above...it had outweighed his sense of reason. He was completely lost, and the only way was to go was onward. He couldn't turn back. He had to know. He would know. He _would_.

Even if it meant dissecting that damn girl into a million pieces, examining each one until he had memorized them down to every last vein and nerve.

Inside her chaotic mind, Kirau was vaguely aware of the Shinigami's stare, though she did nothing to tell him off or dispel his attentions in any way. Right now, her feelings were too manic to bother focusing such energy into an action such as mere watching. In the past, she'd have been freaking out, telling him to "get those golden peepers trained on something else, unless you like the idea of dual shiners? Maybe it'd go with your wardrobe."

This time though, it was almost...comforting, to have him focused so intently on her. She knew it shouldn't have been. But it was. And in this moment, she had no interest to change that.

For whatever reason, be it guilt or shock or even unfocused rage, this last murder wouldn't leave her alone. She hadn't taken nearly as much pleasure as she'd thought she would in watching that man in the alley meet his end. He had tried to kill her, had possibly been attempting to rape her. But when she saw his face, flashing back in her mind's eye, all the girl could feel was pity.

He had been insane, that much was certain. She didn't know if it was from illness, or abuse of substances. It could've even been caused by some sort of trauma to the head. She wasn't a psychic. In that instant, cornered in that narrow passage with her life still flickering in the balance like a candle, she could only feel that sensation of fight or flight, gradually dispelling into a need for vengeance. A fury at his actions, overtaking her and guiding her hand with the pen.

And now, every time she shut her eyes, be it at night or during a daydream, he kept appearing before her, those last words always repeating. _"L-less than three...he of the nameless, thou that hast ripped their soul from amongst this plane...the city is screaming; my blood flows like a river. And I admonish thee...you have no power over me..." _There was a sickeningly tight knot in the pit of her stomach; her conscience was even chiming in, usual mockery overruled by a constant ringing of alarm bells. Something was off this time. She didn't know what it was, but this last kill...there was more to the situation than met the eye.

Hell was waiting to burst forth from below the surface. And even if she tried to desensitize herself to its imminent arrival, she'd never be fully prepared. She was used to making mistakes, but this was the first instance where she'd ever considered that she'd made an error with the Death Note.

Kirau was just thankful that she didn't have work today. The last two days had been enough of a challenge as it was. She wasn't looking to make three in a row of mindless servitude-the smirk of superiority on her boss' face, ignoring the fact that she was obviously suffering from outside issues, enough to affect her performance, was enough to convince her of this. To him, it was welcomed. Heartless bastard.

_Whatever. Like I really want the pity of scum like him._ Her fist clenched tightly, as she stood up to turn on the TV. Her motions startled Ryuk, and he was now trying to blink away the ghost of her seated form from his vision. With a soft click, the screen crackled to life.

She still didn't feel up for adding new names to her little black book. But who said she couldn't enjoy some quality time with the boob tube, and perhaps save a few for later? No one, that's who. Seating herself behind the table as usual with remote in hand, Kirau leaned forwards on her elbows as they pressed into the smooth plastic surface. Ryuk drifted just a bit closer behind her.

"Boring...boring...nope...nada...hmm-oh, paid programing. Yuck, no way. Uh-uh..." So far, she'd skimmed through six channels. And the list of available reception only went so far. If she kept up being so picky, she'd soon find herself at the end of the line for entertainment. Like she'd honestly ever go through the trouble of trying to conserve her meager earnings long enough to install a month's worth of cable, on a television that was most likely incompatible with most of the new systems anyway.

"Oh, goodie." A hint of familiar sarcasm reached Ryuk's ears. He leaned closer. Kirau had stopped her searching, rolling her eyes at a pair of done-up figures upon the screen. "Soap operas, how I missed thee. Like dry rot." Placing the remote down beside her, the girl proceeded to watch the program with minute interest. Her gaze lingered upon the actors names, floating above their heads. She chuckled softly at the numbers. _Heh. Well, looks like one of you doesn't have very long to go..._

Ryuk was on-guard, for once. Although the remark was a step in the right direction, the fact that she was wasting any time at all upon this drivel was just as distressing. Unless she knew something else about these actors that he didn't, then they weren't out of the woods yet. His conscience snickered.

_**So, you do care. And here I thought you didn't have a heart.**_ Again, Ryuk chose to hold back his various admonishments; he'd let them fly once Kirau returned to her proper attitude and standing as the current Death Note holder. If she wasn't at full capacity, then why should he be wasting his energy all alone? She made snarking fun. Now, his conscience was doubled over in laughter. _**Oh, boy! You're a real riot. Don't bother trying to deny that one! I've got it recorded for posterity! **_

_Tch. Whatever..._As his focus shifted back to his human companion however, both were surprised by the sudden cut to a commercial break, which promptly started off with a news flash. Kirau blinked, chewing thoughtfully at her lower lip. "Oh? And what's the latest in our oh-so-fair city of angels and angles?" Ryuk smirked slightly, looking at the screen as well.

The anchor woman was speaking clearly, first about a tax hike, then a robbery the night before at a convenience store. Mentally, Kirau took note of the suspect's name-he'd make good fodder for when she finally snapped out of this funk. Then, the screen changed.

"And, in other news, the police and political community have been shocked by the discovery of a body in an alley early this morning. The victim was identified as 55-year old Eric Marshall, older stepbrother of the city's governor, Jeff Richie. Apparently, he suffered from a mental disorder, but refused to seek treatment. Richie had tried to get him into a program a year or so ago, but was unsuccessful. Marshall had taken to the streets, against his younger brother's offers and wishes. He was revealed to have died of a heart attack, most likely between..."

By this point, Kirau had tuned out. Ryuk's gaze had dropped, from the box to the girl at the table. Her eyes were as wide as saucers, and her hand shook as it rose to cover her mouth. Her complexion had gone beyond its normal pale luster, and the tremors were now beginning to affect her whole body. Her world was spinning, and she couldn't get off. She couldn't make it stop. The reality of the situation hit her like a pounding waterfall.

_I...I killed...I killed him...and he-he was-Richie! I k-killed...I killed an...he was a victim, too..._No matter his crimes, first and foremost he had needed help. She could feel the bile working its way up her tightening throat, recalling the newscaster's words. It was like a sock to the gut.

_Bullshit! He never tried to 'help' him-by last year, the hospitals and outpatient resources had already been cut back and strained to the breaking point! And there's no way a crooked politico like him would bother trying to assist his brother when he was the cause of the decrease in services in the first place! Not when it could be tied back to him! Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit! _

Her palms gripped at the tabletop, as she pushed herself up and stood on rickety legs that seemed threatening to snap from her weight. It was taking all her strength just to stay elevated, as she scrambled and staggered for the bathroom. She tried to slam the door shut, but was too focused on clawing at the rim of the sink to keep her balance. The door bounced back from the force, the latch not catching. Ryuk looked on in wonder.

_What is she going to do now? Puke? Isn't that what the-_But his questions came to an abrupt halt, as he saw her thin fingers fumbling with the mirror cabinet. Prying it open, her hand slid over the dusty and rusted shelves, until the required item was clutched between her fingertips. Even from a distance, the Shinigami recognized the object instantly.

The razor blade.

Ryuk felt trapped. He remembered what had happened the last time she'd taken up that blade-even now, he was unclear as to what her motivations behind that action had been. All he knew was that it hadn't been the first time, and it certainly wasn't the last. The marks he'd found hidden beneath her sweater sleeves had been more than enough proof of this.

But this time, the energy was different. Back then, Kirau had been steady in her movements and responses, only unleashing the full brunt of her fury upon her flesh when she was hidden away from prying eyes. This time around, she couldn't have cared less who saw her. Her motions weren't poised and precise; she had a mission in mind, but it was far more instantaneous and deadly than those lines etched across.

It was do or die. And once again, the choice was on Ryuk's shoulders.

As she held it tightly, Kirau was staring down at her arms, tears now streaming freely from her eyes. Her breaths were erratic, and her teeth were clenched in a twisted grimace of a smile. Rough whimpers were making their way through, and she could no longer stay upright; she fell to her knees, hitting the tile with a heavy thud.

The edge of the blade was poised over the underside of her left arm, ready to slice down perfectly and evenly, from her wrist to her elbow. Her breathing was becoming seriously labored, as the tears began to mingle with the snot that had started to drip down from her nose. With reddened cheeks and eyes, she prepared to tear into the skin.

_It's my fault...it's my fault...it's my fault...it's my fault..._"_It's my fucking fault!_" She brought the blade down.

It happened before he even had a chance to register the movement of his body, from Point A to Point B. But this time, he didn't bother to debate it. With a furious swipe of his large hand, he'd knocked the sharp implement from Kirau's grip, effectively startling the girl from her guilt-induced trance. Her gaze shot up, to regard him with a mix of awe and vehemence, and the words began to form upon her lips. "What are-"

But he wasn't done there. With another swing, he'd knocked the girl across the tile, towards the shower. She fell forwards, letting out a gasping cry. It wasn't out of pain, but utter unexpected shock. As she fought to lift herself up on stick-like arms, Ryuk floated over, lowering himself until he was at eye-level with the girl. Claws reached out, to tangle in her loose locks, a change from the typical mess of a braid she usually wore. She winced as he pulled sharply, but did not give him the satisfaction of verbal acknowledgement of the sensation. Instead, her bleary stare locked with his, wavering and bewildered. Her voice rasped out, "Why...?"

He growled, before letting go of her roughly, allowing her to fall back to the cold ground. "Shut up." The disgust was evident in his tone, and it was more than enough to bring her back to the present situation, sitting up as she surveyed him with a new fixation. He never got angry. Not at _anything_. Not the world, not her antics, not her boss, not even the names she logged down in the Note! Annoyed, yes, but that was a far cry from what had just transpired here.

So why, why had he taken it upon himself, to intervene and reprimand her so harshly? Kirau was about to get her answer, as bone-chilling fingers, hard like steel, cupped her chin, claws noticeably nicking the underside. Again, a hint of a flinch, but she didn't pull away nor allow the pain to register with sounds. Ryuk's gaze was once again boring into her.

"I gave you ultimate power. I gave you the freedom to change things, to change the world! Yet you're so caught up in your own little bubble, that you're willing to ignore the bigger picture completely, and throw it all away." His breath ghosted over her face, just as cold as his skin. She continued listening to his words, refusing to break her concentration, not even to blink. It was like getting the Eyes all over again.

"I want what's mine. You are my entertainment. Therefore, _you_. Are. _Mine_." These last words hit Kirau like a bullet, head-on. He released her yet again, though this time she managed to catch herself, hands hitting the tile before her body crumpled like a dropped doll. Ryuk whirled around, floating towards the door. He did not look back at her, but continued to speak, knowing full and well that she was listening.

"You aren't allowed to die. Not as long as we're here, in this existence. When your time comes, then..._then_, I will grant you peace. But until then, you live for the Note. You have a higher purpose, and that purpose directly impacts me as well. And I'm not going to let a human drag me down and deprive me of what's rightfully within my grasp."

Kirau's mouth felt strangely dry, and she began to hurriedly wipe at her face with the bottom of her shirt. Ryuk finished his speech then. "You are going to pick up that pen, and you're going to write down that politician's name. And then...then, you are going to tell me who you are. _Everything_. Every last detail as to your identity." His gaze returned to her briefly. "I'm sick of owning someone so damn empty. No more puzzles. This, unlike everything else I have quoted you, is non-negotiable. There are _no_ questions."

He disappeared through the doorway then, leaving behind a shell-shocked Kirau. Her heart was skipping at what seemed like 200 miles per hour, maybe more.

And the craziest part? She...kind of liked it.

**A/N: Yeah...we're getting into the thick of things now.**

**How was this? I know, rather on the dramatic side. But seeing as the story's only got two chapters left after this, things have to start picking up. I don't want to leave anything unanswered; I want my audience to be satisfied.**

**It was strange, writing Ryuk as far more aggressive than he usually is. But it seemed necessary: he's been in the dark as to the intentions of his human charge for close to ten chapters now. I imagine that after everything that's happened, anyone would get fed up, in some way or another. Especially when they'd invested so much time into the subject, as well as throwing in the whole aspect of the Note. Ryuk wants his vision to be fulfilled, or at least attempted. He didn't come down just to watch his choice of users off themselves.**

**I tried to make it as fitting/believable as possible, in regards to his personality. He would certainly never be sappy when explaining his motivations behind the actions, no matter what his feelings may be. I set out to tell a plausible, IC tale of a 'romance' between Shinigami and human, and this is what I came up with. Does it work?**

**I can't write news reports to save my life. XD And yes, Kirau has a major guilt complex. She's obviously not stable mentally, and so far there's been no real explanation as to how she wound up like this. But that's about to change. Next time: more questioning, new realizations, a brief check in w/the Shinigami Realm, and the first part of Kirau's story. Hope you'll tune in.**

**As usual, all feedback is welcomed, encouraged, loved and appreciated. Thanks to everyone who's been following this fic; I hope it still meets your expectations of good entertainment. :)**

**=^.^=**


	12. Breathe

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note. All rights belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I only own my OC's-'Kirau', and…that's it, for main characters. And this particular fanfic. Thank you.**

**Welcome to Psychosis**

If she kept her fingertips pressed and clenched against the cracked tiles beneath her, focusing on nothing but the sensation of cool linoleum and heavy flesh, it almost seemed like the two substances were melding into one. Her hands, then her wrists, then her elbows and finally her arms were entirely swallowed up by the chill and stiffness.

If she sat there, perfectly still upon the floor, it felt as though she could slow time, maybe even halt it altogether. She could freeze the raging emotions that coursed through her body, and deny the orders given to her not but five minutes before. She could lose herself in nothingness, and never have to face the guilt, or the responsibility that fell upon her shoulders. She could pretend that the knot in her heart, worming its way up her throat and lodging itself on her tongue wasn't there, didn't need to be untangled-

"Well? I'm waiting." And just like that, her fantasy fell away. It shattered, broken by the figurative fist that this voice represented. She was on the bathroom floor, clad in ragged denim cut-offs and a stained, oversized t-shirt, palms flat against the ground and legs folded to her side. Her hair fell in her eyes as she looked up, a black clad shoulder barely visible in her vision, just outside the doorway. He wasn't facing her, of course, but he didn't need to be. His words were enough to sway her.

With tentative motions, Kirau carefully rose to her feet, taking one last glance at the small blade that had been knocked to the side, a faint blemish against the dull, off-white sheen of the shower. She turned away, footsteps making no sound as she returned to the main room.

The news had ended already, and the soap opera was playing again. Shutting off the set, Kirau made her way towards her discarded backpack, opening it and pulling out the Death Note plus pen. Seating herself at the table, she flipped the cover back and began thumbing through the pages as if in a trance. Beside her, Ryuk hovered but said nothing. His arms were crossed over his chest and his stare was focused intently on the wall behind them. He did not acknowledge her actions as she wrote out the man's name, then the date of death, and finally the cause. It was like she were under someone else's control, the way she moved. Even the MO was penned in a daze.

Finishing the task set upon her, Kirau placed the pen down, and folded her hands in her lap. After a few more moments of strained silence, the Shinigami spun around in the air, looking down to read over what she'd written. He let out a soft chortle of amusement at the cause of death. "'Crushed by his latest unveiled statue'?"

The girl nodded slowly. "He's supposed to present a new one this weekend. I imagine the schedule wouldn't have changed, even with the funeral arrangements. Even if he's fixing to dump him in an unmarked grave. I wouldn't be surprised. Just paint it up as a 'private service'. After all, both parents are dead..."

"Huh." Ryuk leaned back, tilting his head. "Then it's quite fitting. You have a knack for picking out the most opportune moments and situations in which to breed destruction." Both parties couldn't tell if he was simply trying to lighten up the mood, or if he was honestly complimenting her. Whatever the case, neither one felt like addressing the topic. It was pointless to try and come up with a list of denials by now.

It felt strangely uncomfortable sitting behind the table, without food or remote in hand, and no longer writing, so Kirau stood up once more and wandered over to the bed. That really was the best way to describe it; her steps were wobbly and long, and she flopped down upon the sheets and mat with a thump, legs drawn up slightly. Her loose hair fell around her shoulders, the gold seeming to stand out among the various knots and frizzy ends. When was the last time she'd bothered using a hairbrush?

The minutes ticked by, each second like a steel beam as it fell. Kirau swore she could hear them. They hit the ground in tune with her heart. Crash. Crash. Crash. Every beat seemed to echo in her ears, and her breathing didn't help much to lessen the effect. If anything, it made it worse. The silence was palpable, as if you could stick out your tongue and taste it.

She wondered briefly what sort of flavor it might have: sour, sweet? Salty? Tangy? Bitter, perhaps, seeing as how things were so tense. The Shinigami's past actions were still fresh in her mind. She'd never thought it possible to see Ryuk angry. Looks like he proved her wrong, and then some. Why was he so damn curious, anyway?

_I don't owe him anything. My life is my own. And as grateful as I am to him for giving me the Note, and saving me in the alley, I-_Kirau couldn't finish. An invisible pair of brakes had been slammed on, forcing her thoughts to grind to a halt. _I...I...I don't..._

All her reasoning, her logic and excuses, they had all been sucked out cleanly from her conscious mind. All she had left were the feelings, the sensations. And the memories. Every single instance, from the beginning to now; all the times and moments she'd shared with this creature. She couldn't shut them off. The truth was practically screaming in her face.

_**You want to tell him.**_ That voice. When was the last time it had been so clear and lucid? She didn't attempt to stop its words. She honestly wanted to know what it had to say. After all, she certainly didn't have any ideas right now.

_**He means something to you. Whether it's right or wrong does not factor in here. The point remains, you have developed an attachment to him. A fondness. He sees things in you that others have denied, for so long. He makes you feel the way you were meant to feel, the way that everyone else took from you. **_

Kirau was stunned by these words that were flowing so freely from the depths of her psyche. Had his sudden hostile reaction triggered something in her? Like a mental tap or faucet? _**He's not exemplifying the traits that humans consider valuable, but it doesn't matter. You were never human in the first place. At least, not by today's standards. In another era, perhaps...but your heart does not belong here. You have both contempt and empathy for your fellow beings. It tears you apart inside. And his presence is forcing you to choose a path. You can't live it both ways. **_

_Both ways...? _She didn't understand. How was she living in two different ways? She was just a human! Wasn't she? Her conscience sighed. _**When you use the Death Note, you are denying your humanity. You know this. To control the destiny of others is a gift and a curse that no being on this planet can or is meant to possess. Not only that, but the more you use it, the closer you become...to him.**_

Kirau blinked. _You mean...I'm becoming a God of Death, too? A Shinigami?_

_**No. You've fallen for the puppet master. For Ryuk.**_

Ryuk was still watching her, wondering how to approach the subject of her past. After the outburst in the bathroom, he wasn't looking forward to dredging the topic up again. He already had an inkling that it was a sore area for her, but still...he had to know. He'd told her that he wanted answers, to everything. Coming this far, he wasn't about to go back on his earlier demand, out of sympathy. He had none.

_**Right, right. Just unparalleled curiosity and possession issues. Really, when will you get it through that thick head of yours?**_ Now his conscience was yapping at him, being mysterious and sarcastic as always. Ryuk could have ignored it, but at the moment, he felt like biting. _Okay smart guy, since you think you've got all the damn answers, why don't you tell me what's going on here? What am I 'not getting'? Go on, I'm waiting._

The voice chuckled. _**Are you sure you wanna know? You could just put it aside, like all your questions for Kirau-**_

Ryuk cut in. _Either tell me, or get out of my face._ The speaker sighed, resigned to the task at hand. _**Very well. But don't cry when you don't like what you hear. The truth shall set you free, but first it will piss you off.**_ The Shinigami rolled his eyes, as his gaze followed the movements of the female before him. She was now investigating the ends of her hair. Her stare was glazed over, lips parted slightly, as if a word teetered on the tip of her tongue, yet refused to come forth. Was it a random musing to herself? Or was it meant for him?

_**Very well. Ever since your first trip to the human realm, you became fascinated with the way human beings lived, interacted, felt, thought. All of it. Hence why when you returned to the Shinigami Realm the first time, you were eager to find another source of relief, a new outlet. Unlike your counterparts, you were never satisfied with all that existed around you. Always searching for something bigger, better, brighter. Something more than yourself.**_

_Yeah? So what?_ Ryuk wasn't hearing anything new here. _Are you just going to shovel the same facts down my ear drums again and again? Because I have better things to do._ He got the distinct sense that the voice was now glaring at him, for interrupting.

_**And you found it, in Kirau. Unlike the previous users of the Note, she didn't have it easy. She has few resources, and a whole lot of bottled up rage. Her life wasn't laid out bare before you, wasn't so simple to figure out. She wasn't swayed by the allusions and delusions of grandeur, like Light and his ilk. She seriously believes in what she's doing, as a means to help this world. At the same time, she's torn between her scars and her heart. **_The speaker paused briefly. _**She is a puzzle, and the more you try to solve her with the usual means and solutions, the more pieces you wind up with at your hands.**_

Ryuk mused over this for a few seconds. _So, then...what are you saying? That I should change my strategy to get what I want?_ His conscience was now shaking its head, a small wry smile upon its lips. He had never bothered giving a face to this nuisance, but now he imagined it as a caricature of none other than himself. It hovered on ratty, oversized wings, eyes far wider than his and teeth seeming to pop out from the constraints of his painted grin. Waggling a clawed finger at him, on a hand that could almost cover his face completely, the voice clicked its tongue.

_**There is no 'changing the strategy', Ryuk. You've already given into your curiosity, allowing it to breed and spread into that pesky little affliction known as emotion. All these past actions? There's a simple explanation for it: you've fallen for your meat puppet.**_

Both parties were currently trying to come to grips with the statements presented to them by these prodding, all-seeing specters that haunted the corridors of their minds. Kirau was now tearing at her lips with her teeth, and Ryuk was sorely tempted to tell her off for it. His conscience was smirking.

_**See what I mean? I bet you still replay that little kiss shared between the two of you, when you think that no one's around, no one's paying attention. But you can't lie to yourself, seeing as I am a part of you. The lure was too tempting; she offered you what your previous existence could not: stimulation, reverence, and need. You grabbed ahold, and admit it, as disgusted as you should be over such an idea, you're not. You're really not. **_

It leaned back, stretched out in a pose of relaxation as Ryuk struggled to gather his words. _**Go on-I'm eager to hear your denials. Let's see you talk your way out of this one. **_

_Me? In-in love with-with that guy? You're crazy! You're-_Kirau was stopped by her conscience, holding up a hand against her bleeding lips.

_**Honey, I'm you. And I see all.**_ She shook her head, hair fluttering like a thick golden-brown sheet. _**As much as you tried to deny the existence of your heart-and goodness knows it was an understandable strategy, seeing what you've gone through-it didn't work. Not this time around. You couldn't keep those feelings from developing. It's a part of being alive. And why wouldn't you, anyway? Not only did he give you power, he gave you something else that everyone before you couldn't be bothered with: reason. **_

Kirau's heart was thudding hard, but she felt no pain or embarrassment, as she usually did when hearing these sorts of things. The speaker continued on. _**He gave you a reason to live. He gave you understanding. In a twisted way, he gave you caring. By fulfilling his vices for him, he in turn fulfilled yours as well. He needed you. Still needs you. And I doubt that if you reached out to him now, he'd push you aside. You're not the only one who's been winded by this.**_

By this point, Ryuk was seeing stars. How could any of this be possible? He wasn't supposed to be able to feel! It wasn't what Shinigami were equipped for! After all, everyone knew what had happened to Gelous, when he'd fallen in love with that girl, Amane Misa. He'd used his Note to extend her life, and had thus perished rightfully, for disobeying the orders of his existence. If he had...fallen for Kirau, what would happen if he saw her in danger again? He was liable to die, too! And he was not going to lose his life for a bloody human! Right?

_**Ah, but that is where your logic fails, Ryuk. You've already rescued her, twice. And neither time required you to use the Death Note.**_ His argument ceased immediately. _**You're still here, in one piece. Still enjoying the comforts of this world, and the presence of your unexpected beloved.**_ The Death God was grabbing at straws, desperate to turn the tides in his favor. But the more he fought it, the less control he was left with. And as frightening, enraging as the thought should have been, he couldn't bring himself to attack his inner voice's reasoning.

_But why...? What point is there in me caring for this...this girl, beyond her use of the Note? What could I possibly get out of it? Shinigami are not human. Our interests do not coincide with those of humanity, when it comes to the subject of 'love'. While we may be capable of feeling it, we sure as hell can't act on it. And there's no reason for a creature of flesh to take any sort of solace in a demon. To suggest otherwise is insanity, plain and simple. _

Yet again, his conscience had a retort for this, too. _**Do you really think that all love has to do with the physical? If so, you are sadly mistaken. While it is true that the majority of the population live to seek pleasure and procreation, there are those that just do not fit into the mold. You know this to be real. Your Kirau fits this statement perfectly. Her affection for you is beyond that of touch. To her, you represent everything she never had in life, until the moment you two made contact. **_

Ryuk had no words for this. His last defenses were being torn away; kicked and smashed into dust. _**Your payment from all this? Are you that oblivious? To her, you are the only God she knows. You are the perfect everything. Safety, security, strength. You are everything she could want out of love, without all the hangups that come with the rest of her kind. In exchange, she worships you-when she's not spiraling down. Her world revolves around you. And you like being the center of attention, for once: instead of being an underling, you are now the master. The King. **_

The King. Was that what it came down to? That now, not only did he have someone who used his tools to wreak havoc in the world, but also lived for him, and him alone? His rejection of the mundane routine back in the Shinigami Realm had come full circle at long last, in the form of this skinny, stringy female sitting just a few feet away from him. His curiosity had led him to this moment: the two of them, silent and thoughtful, trying to fill in the last few blanks.

Golden eyes roved over her figure, so fragile seeming, and yet so resilient. It wasn't just her adoration, but her personality altogether. Like him, she sought to break free of the norm. She didn't let the opinions and thoughts of others get her down-at least, not when she was in a good mood. When the stitches held together, she was a shining example of how humanity ought to have been.

He had to know. He just had to. He opened his mouth. "Kirau." His throat felt oddly scratchy, and the name came out in a gruff tone.

"Eh?" Her head lifted, eyes shifting to look at him. She seemed startled, like he'd called her out of a dream. Had he ever actually said her name before? She couldn't remember. Not like this, anyway. Her gaze was murky, as she waited to hear what he had to say.

Carefully, hesitantly, as if he were keeping his motions to a minimum, he shuffled over to her side. She leaned back to stare up at him, surprised at his close proximity. Did he want something? "What is it...?"

"Tell me." There. It was out. Her eyes widened a bit. "Tell me...everything. Who you are." He crossed his legs, floating beside her. His eyes never left her face. "I want to hear it from you. No more secrets."

That's right: she'd said earlier that she would share it all. Her past would be presented to him, like some tragic play or movie. A reading perhaps, from a book of skin and bone? Nodding her head, she left the terminology alone, and tried to prepare herself for what she was about to do.

No one knew her history. No family-as if she actually had any. No friends-again, they were conspicuously absent, too. Not even a doctor had gotten inside the deepest depths of her heart and soul, though for the most part she hadn't seen many. Partially of her own choice, and also because the majority of those she'd lived with had either been unwilling to pay for the treatment, or thought there was no reason for it. _"She's a __teenager; it's just a phase." "She just wants attention." "She thinks it's cool." "She's just a drama queen." She's manipulative, just like..."_

Now, she was about to bare her soul for none other than a Shinigami; a creature who wasn't supposed to give a damn. From the tone of his voice and his mannerisms, she suspected it was just as unnerving for him to ask as it was for her to speak. But there was no more point in delaying the inevitable.

Something was tugging at her, telling her that it was okay. That to trust him was akin to survival. Maybe, just maybe, if someone were to listen, and hear her out for once in her life...then it wouldn't hurt so much? Her eyes were starting to water, as she took in the details of the face grinning down at her. Was it right or wrong?

Kirau looked away, quickly reaching up to brush away the traces of tears that had gathered at the corners of her eyes. _I don't know. But right now, it doesn't matter._

_I'm no liar. I said I'd tell him. I owe him that much. So...here goes._ Raising her head once more, Kirau steeled herself to begin her tale.

**…...**

The dust clouds rose from the ground, thinning and eventually vanishing the higher up they lifted. They were created unevenly, in tune with the various scattered footsteps among the realm. Murmuring voices lingered in the air, as dark figures roamed the terrain, looking for a good game or an unoccupied, comfortable place to rest for a bit. Some were seated, staring down the holes in the ground at the worlds that lay beyond. On occasion, a faint scribbling was heard, a new name being added to a book or two.

"Heh...just as I thought..." This was where Vytrieol had found himself. After the mess that was the betting pool, he had become quite enamored with Ryuk's struggles on that planet, and his relationship with that girl. While many others would simply watch for a short amount of time before wandering off, he had been seated there for who knew how long. Time did not exist in this world. But he knew a good few days had gone by in the universe below him, maybe longer. And much had changed since everyone placed their bets.

He had seen it all: seen the ups and downs of Kirau's work shifts. Seen the impromptu funeral for the dead cat. Seen the apple eating. Seen the names scrawled down into the Note, and the navigation through traffic. Seen the rants on politics, and the attack in the alleyway. He'd even seen Ryuk's unexpected rescue, and Kirau's attempted suicide. He'd been the only witness to the Shinigami's second heroic act, as well as the backlash that occurred afterwards. What a show! He couldn't look away!

To think, that one measly human could do so much to one of his own kind. It made him wonder if maybe, just maybe...there was more to these beings than met the eye. Perhaps Ryuk was on to something when he'd allowed himself to become so immersed in their existence? What sort of thrill was garnered, from watching another kill in your name?

He saw the devotion in Kirau's eyes-not her real name, which raised more questions-and for just a fleeting moment, he felt a twinge of jealousy. He considered himself a truly solitary being, but that didn't mean that it wasn't an amusing thought to entertain: to have complete control and diction over another lesser form, what did it feel like? Was it comparable to the reign of power that the Shinigami King had over all of them?

A crunch of stray bone was the only thing to indicate that anyone had entered his presence at all. He may not have had his scythe anymore, but Vytrieol wasn't defenseless. Stretching his arm behind him and bending it at an unnatural angle, he effectively stopped whoever was attempting to get the jump on him. His claws were just an inch shy of crushing the figure's throat.

Death wasn't the objective here. But Shinigami were still vulnerable to scars, at least from their own kind. His fingers twitched. "What is it? You'd better have a good excuse for interrupting my entertainment." Retracting his arm, he turned his head around fully, taking in the trembling form of Athsin, dark ragged locks helping to hide the hint of fright upon her uneven features. Vytrieol scoffed.

"You may be one of the more recently created Gods, but suck it up already. You'll never get far letting everyone and everything scare you with only so much as a 'howdy do'. Grow a goddamn spine. And if you can't grow one, then find one you like, and rip it out for yourself." He flexed a finger, calling her closer. She stepped forth, though she was still wary of him, now knowing what he was capable of in a split second. No wonder no one had bothered approaching him in all the time he'd been lying here. They didn't want to deal with his attitude and volatile reactions.

"H-how long are you planning to sit here?" Her comrades had told her she was crazy, to want to ask this Death God anything, much less a question like that. Which was why she was here alone. But she had to know. He was a legend of his own in the realm, only second to Ryuk, his colleagues who had been lost in the first world excursion, and the Shinigami King himself. And he never showed this much interest in anything, outside of combat. What could be so interesting that he was willing to perch like a statue in the dirt in front of that portal? After the kiss, she'd never gone back to watch. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to stomach watching her brethren engage in such uncharacteristic behaviors.

Vytrieol shook his head, letting out a low laugh. Athsin wasn't sure if that was good or bad. "You're the first one with the guts to come up here, and that's all you have to say? Guess I shouldn't have expected much from a youngling." At this, the female felt her pride bristling. Young or not, she had a Death Note, and knew full and well how to use it. She'd jotted down her fair share of names, and no matter his status was not about to let him talk to her as if she were below him.

"It just makes us wonder, is all." Her voice had taken on a hard edge to it. "You're not planning to pull a Ryuk on us, are you? What's so great about being stuck with one of 'em until they kick the bucket, anyway?" She jabbed a thumb at the opening, brow furrowing with confusion and disgust. Vytrieol surveyed her with a new interest, if only for her tone. Looks like the kid had some spine after all. He turned his attention back to the portal.

"When you've been around for a little while longer, then maybe you'll understand. For now, enjoy the blissfulness of youth and ignorance. You've earned it." At this, Athsin stomped one of her multiple feet.

"I'm not stupid! If you think I 'wouldn't understand', then try me! Don't go making my decisions for me! You ain't the King!" He had to acknowledge her once more; while her temper tantrum may have been annoying, she did have a point. "Alright. I'll humor you here. But don't say I didn't warn you." She blinked, before seating herself beside him, a foot or so away.

"At first, it was simply to make sure my bet would win, by constantly monitoring all that happened. But after a while...you get sucked in." He smirked. "It's more than writing down names. When you're down there, you get to see the destruction, front and center. Not only that, but...well, think of it like this: how do you think the Shinigami King regards us?"

"Huh?" Athsin tilted her head, lopsided eyes looking upwards thoughtfully as she pondered her answer. "I guess...he'd see us as servants? Assistants, maybe, but nowhere near his level." She huffed. "And nowhere near his power. Lucky sod." Vytrieol reached over, to yank at the ends of her grimy hair. She yelped.

"Exactly. We're _beneath_ him. We are slaves. If we expire, he can always create new ones. In short, we are expendable as long as we linger on this plane. Now, the difference comes into play. To them," he said, pointing at the humans scuttling down below, "we are all there is, all there will be. When they accept our power, they become indebted to us, in a sense. They live for us, for our goal: to take lives, courtesy of the Note. I assume they could just as easily refuse, but going off of history, how many of 'em you really think are gonna pass up an opportunity like that?"

He leaned forwards, hands folded beneath his chin. "In short, they repay us by doing our work for us, going against their own kind. And it's utterly entrancing to watch. Imagine: being treated like a King, without having to fight for the crown. Not a bad deal..."

Athsin looked at him one last time, his words sinking in. Then she stood up, multiple feet trudging off into the distance. "Whatever. You're really weird, you know that? No wonder nobody talks to you." He simply waved at her retreating form. _Heh. Told you so._

With that, he resumed his watching. Things were really getting good.

**…...**

"I was the only child of a mother and father. They lived in suburbia, in a single story house. The neighborhood was clean and relatively upscale. Nothing so wrong there, right?

"Except both of my parents were recovering alcoholics. My father had been sober for seven years before he met my mother at a halfway house. She was pregnant when they married. My mother was also battling her own share of mental issues, and took a variety of anti-psychotics plus anti-depressants to counter their effects. At first, things were okay between the two of them. She got money from the government, he worked at a mill. Nothing out of the ordinary. Then, she gave birth to me."

Kirau was trying not to tremble as she continued her story. "Her mental problems were c-compounded when she was hit with postpartum stress disorder. She never came out of it, and turned back to the booze, thus triggering my father as well. You can imagine how that screwed things over when you threw the pills into the mix." The girl chuckled bitterly. "In no time at all, our 'happy home' became a wretched mess. And that was just the beginning."

As Ryuk listened to all this, not a single reaction betrayed his emotions. He was a passive, captive audience, allowing her words to filter into his mind and register with his memory. So far, it wasn't anything he hadn't seen or heard before. The world was filled with horror stories and tragic cases. She hadn't mentioned anything specific, in relation to her past actions he had witnessed. But she had also made mention of this being 'just the beginning', so perhaps there was more to her tale?

There was. "When I was three and a half, my parents divorced. Or more accurately, my father walked out and remarried before being properly divorced, then claimed the papers had been 'burned up in a fire'. I don't remember much of him, other than the potty training sessions at three a.m., when he was drunk out of his mind. Heh." Ryuk wasn't sure if that was a real memory, or how he was meant to respond. Was he expected to laugh?

"My mother really fell apart after that. She wasn't in good standing with the rest of her family, and add to that fact that she was now raising a kid on her own while strung out on booze and meds, and you have a perfect recipe for disaster. My starting school only threw on more responsibility that she couldn't handle."

Kirau's arms lifted, to wrap almost timidly around her shoulders. "When she was having a good day...she was the best. Mommy was the best Mommy in the world. She was kind, and warm...she made me feel like everything was going to be okay. I was never afraid. She would always call me 'her Princess'. I would do a-anything-anything, just to hear her laugh, to make her happy." A thin smile was tugging at the girl's lips, and Ryuk drew in closer. 'Good days'? What did that mean?

Then, her expression darkened. "But when...when she was in a bad mood, when she was having a bad day...Mommy was nothing s-short of the Devil." Her fingers clutched tightly at her upper arms, tips digging into the shirt sleeves and covered flesh beneath them. "Mommy didn't like me very much, no matter what I tried to do-all that seemed to make her happy was when I was b-beneath her...broken..."

He could tell: Kirau wanted to cry. She wanted to break down and start bawling, so badly. The tremors in her voice were becoming more pronounced with every piece and fragment of her past that was dragged to the surface. But still, he said nothing. This was her moment, her time. He was merely a spectator. He had nothing to add.

"Heh...heh-heh..." Her head was drooped, hair framing her face like a messy curtain. "And then...then, I turned seven." She lifted her gaze slowly, a twisted smile on her lips. Her expression was a mix of shock, hatred and fear.

"That was when _it_ happened."

**A/N: And, there! FINALLY, the conclusion to chapter eleven's cliffhanger! Which leads us to...another mini-cliffhanger! XD I'm sorry.**

**My apologies for the long delay. I've been having trouble getting my thoughts together coherently enough to write. But, at long last, the end is here! After this, there's only one chapter left. And boy, it's a long one! Went over the usual page quota by at least three, so hopefully, you'll all have fun sinking your teeth into this last installment. [May as well be longer, seeing as it took me nearly two months to complete it.]**

**Here is where the beginning of Kirau's history is revealed: obviously, she wasn't a very happy child growing up. We don't get to choose where we're born into, and sometimes, life deals you a real shit hand. And especially as children, that can be really tough to understand and cope with. Hopefully the tragedy is believable, w/out seeming overwrought? **

**As for Ryuk...well, so far, his reaction has been held back. It's not like he hasn't witnessed the horrific things that have befallen humankind in his long existence. However, we're also now throwing newly developed emotions into the mix, as well as the fact that this time, he's not at a distance. He's hearing the words straight from Kirau's mouth; her experiences are being directly conveyed to him, from a first person POV.**

**Anyone like the brief glance back into the Shinigami Realm? It's the last time we're going to be checking in w/the denizens there, so I did my best to make it fit, while still being entertaining. **

**How was it, all in all? Hope I'm still doing the characters justice. Feedback is welcomed and appreciated. Thank you to the many people who have been finding my lil' story enjoyable, and dropping me a line in some way, shape, fashion or form. All of it is cherished and loved. :)**

**Next time: You'll see. Chapter Thirteen, where it all comes to a close. See you then.**

**=^.^=**


	13. Purpose

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note. All rights belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I only own my OC's-'Kirau', and…that's it, for main characters. And this particular fanfic. Thank you.**

**Welcome to Psychosis**

_The Death Note had a varied, colorful history, most notably when it fell into the hands of the human named Yagami Light. He had used it as a tool for domination; his weapon as a means to an end. He was judgment, he was God. The world either worshiped him, or reviled his existence._

_But what most never knew was that it wasn't the first time the Note had fallen into the hands of a human. There had been one prior instance, in another realm altogether, hidden by cover-ups of necessary murder, severed ties, and the endless march of time and progression. And it had all started with a child._

_Just a poor farm boy, not but eleven years old, raised by an overburdened mother and abusive father. Surrounded by a village too caught up in war and politics and their own survival to care about his, and two siblings who were already preparing for the future; to spread their wings for freedom. He spent his days roaming the fields behind his house, lost in the wounds of the present and the fantasies of his stunted mind. His youth was steadily being shaped and twisted by unfortunate circumstance._

_Then, it happened. As he wove his trails through the tall grass and golden grains, it fell from the sky with a thump, leaving a faint impression where it lay. A thin black book, with a black cover and the words 'Death Note' scrawled across the cover._

_The boy may not have had access to top-notch education by today's standards, but he was still well versed enough to understand that something about this book was different. **It** was different. As he thumbed through the pages and tried to comprehend what he held in his hands, the figure appeared. The God of Death to whom this book belonged._

_As a child, he should have been frightened of the creature's presence. It wasn't natural, wasn't normal. Wasn't human. It wasn't a part of this Earth. But instead, he was entranced, allured, hypnotized. Fascinated by this being who promised him something beyond what he was subjected and bound to at that time. _

_The Shinigami hadn't expected to wind up attached to a child, of all possible user candidates. They knew enough from their time spent above that there was a noticeable shift in actions and the like between adults and youth. But the contact had been established. Now, it was on the boy as to what he wanted to do with it. Forced to explain the details of the item he held in his possession, the Death God waited for the sensible rejection, and the scurry that would follow afterwards to find a new vessel, before his absence was discovered._

_Another surprise. The boy chose to keep the book, eager to make things 'better' with his newfound gift. He could undo everything that had been done against him and those he loved! After all, wasn't that how death worked? When people died, they went away. Far away. They were buried and gone, where they would never walk amongst the living again._

_In death, he could 'send away' all the bad people: those people who hurt others, hurt him. Hurt his family. And it began with his drunkard father._

_Such a simple action, to write his name upon the page with quill and ink. And in a few moment's time, the man had keeled over, clutching at chest as the bottle of whiskey fell from his grip, glass shattering on the floor. The amber liquid flowed out, staining the wooden floorboards and dripping through the cracks. The boy had held the book tightly against his heart, eyes never leaving his dead father's gaze. His mother had come in then, letting out a scream of horror at the sight of her husband._

_Things were supposed to be better. They should have been better. But they weren't. And he couldn't understand why._

_There was a funeral for the man, which he and his family attended, along with the parish of the church and a few scattered others. The Death God had been present as well, watching in silence as the boy struggled to wrap his mind around what was happening._

_His father had been cruel. He had beaten them. He had hurt his mother and siblings, hurt him. When he hadn't been off working, he was either at the pub, drinking his fill, or at home, terrorizing his family. The boy certainly felt no love lost between him and the man._

_But his family was in mourning. They were crying. The town was saddened. They talked of the 'passing of a great man', the 'loss of an important face in the community'. He was so confused! Were they all utterly blinded to his true callous nature?_

_As the days, then weeks passed, things only served to grow more strained between the boy and his surroundings. A neighbor commented on his apathetic behavior in regards to his father's death. His mother tried to defend him, attributing it to shock, but the damage had already been done. Into the book went the nosy woman's name, leaving everyone in abject pain and bewilderment as to how the healthy female had suddenly collapsed one day while in her kitchen._

_Then, the employer of his older brother had cut back on the pay to his employees. Another name added. That threw the community into turmoil, seeing as the company he led had been in charge of many of the major exporting lines. Then, the butcher, who'd had no good flanks left to sell them for the next night's dinner, all bought up by richer folks who'd been passing through. And then his teacher, who'd sent him to the corner when she'd caught him reading through his book instead of focusing on his studies. He was just lucky that she hadn't taken the Note away from him. That would've caused more trouble for an already stressful situation._

_All the while, the Shinigami watched this, saying nothing and feeling nothing as the boy gradually made his way through the population of his town. Anyone who crossed him and his family, no matter the infraction-big or small, they all had to die. They were all hurtful people taking away what was rightfully theirs. They didn't deserve to live, in his clouded child's eyes._

_But things were becoming strained among the family as well. The boy was retreating from the world, devoted to nothing but his book, and others were starting to notice. When his elder sister stepped forth to say something about it however, bringing up the idea of taking the Note away in response to the boy shirking his household duties, he was faced with a new dilemma: his kin was now posing a threat to his happiness, his very existence. Could he actually use the book against them?_

_He could. Down went the name. His mother was distraught, though the boy couldn't see why-he was doing everything for her sake! For all of them! But they weren't grateful! And anyone who couldn't see things his way had to go. In his world, only those who played by his rules were welcomed. It was more than a mere child's game, however. In such a short time, he had effectively raised the fear and melancholy of those in his village, while at the same time cutting the populace number in half. Slowly, the pieces were beginning to fall together, but it wasn't until he actually stepped forth, to try and allow another into his 'ideal' realm that the reality reared its ugly head._

_His mother had been quite confused, and a little light-hearted, at first hearing the story he told her and seeing the book. Although morbid, it really seemed nothing more than the invention of a bored imagination. That was, until she touched it. And saw the creature standing beside her beloved son._

_What was this treachery? This beast that stood before her and beside her own flesh and blood...had it been the one to bring such horror and heartache to their town? How could her son have chosen to commune with such a thing? It made no sense in her eyes. She couldn't accept it._

_Her innocent babe was walking with the Grim Reaper itself. How it had happened, she did not know. But as terrified as she was for the future, as well as her own life...she couldn't bring herself to out him and his deadly secret. Choosing to hide such a fact was blatant treason on her part, making her into nothing better than an 'accessory to murder'. But she would not have it any other way._

_She was tired. So many had been lost already, including members of their own family. And although he may have been the one to dispatch them, she just couldn't bear the thought...of losing one more. _

_There had to be a way out of this. There just had to be. Her boy was sweet, and pure. This Demon must have lied to him, filling his head with fanciful promises and allusions to tempt his naïve heart. She'd get him out of this contract, and then...no more lives would be lost._

_She just had to bite her tongue, and pretend that nothing was wrong. Who knew what this monster would do should she choose to act now? He could very well kill her boy before her eyes! _

_And so, she told him it was alright. She acknowledged his actions, and the being beside him. Told him he was a 'good boy', and that she loved him. She gave him a kiss on the forehead, and resumed her work, the toxic secret slowly eating away at her heart. Nobody else would know. Just them. Just the two of them. Nothing would hurt them, they'd get out of this. She just had to make sure that her plans of escape and redemption came into existence and fruition before it got any worse._

_Oh, how the boy's soul danced with joy! His mother knew! And she applauded him! Forget whatever anyone else had said or done; she was all that mattered. There was a new energy coursing through him, as he resumed his duties as the sole guardian of right and wrong in his little community. As the days passed by, the suspicions grew and the noose tightened, but still, the truth was never revealed. And all the while, the Death God continued watching in silence, wondering just exactly what sort of chaos he had unleashed upon this land._

_Never had he known that a child could be so vengeful and spiteful, killing without a second glance or thought. Scribble, scribble, scribble. Down went the names, up rose the body count. Down went his mother's sanity, up went her son's glee. _

_Until that night. That night when everything fell apart._

_His mother had collapsed in the kitchen while cooking, and her elder son was in a panic, trying to remedy the situation. Her younger child watched from afar, frightened and unsure what to do. Was his mother going to die? He didn't want to lose her! Of everyone in the world, she was the only one who cared. The only one who had never pushed him away. Even as she'd grieved for those lost, she never once went after her son for causing it. It was just for appearances sake, that's all. Deep down, she appreciated his efforts, everything he was trying to do to make a better life for them. That's all they wanted, in the end: for the other to be happy. What was the point of this Note if the one he wanted to share his utopia with wasn't even around?_

_That was when his sibling had spied him, peering out from around the corner of the doorway. Rage flared up in him like never before. Here was their poor mother, suffering on the floor, and all he could do was stand and stare? When had he become so useless and ungrateful? Marching across, he had dragged the youth out into the main room, screaming at him for his lack of empathy. _

_She had seen it in his eyes: that split-second change, from boy to judge. He had pulled away, scrambling for that little book to save him. To erase this tormentor from their presence. He could just as well take care of their mother himself! Who was this stranger to say otherwise? He couldn't even feel that connection of family or sibling recognition, as he prepared to scrawl down the name._

_But this time, it was different. The older boy had been faster, rushing up and knocking the Note from his hands. "Enough with your rubbish writing in that damned book!" It had only been a second's worth of fleeting contact, but it was all that was needed. In an instant, the Shinigami materialized before the male, and for a moment, it was as if life itself had left him. His face was pale and the sweat of worry had cooled with the chill of fear. Eyes wide, he tried to comprehend what was going on. The conclusion he came to was simple:_

_His brother was involved with the Devil. He and his mother-no, their entire village!-were in great danger. He fled for the door, stumbling along the way._

_The younger boy had no choice. He had to end it, now. Reaching to grab the book and quill, once more adding another soul to its pages, he was suddenly interrupted by a strangled scream of anguish. He looked across..._

_...to see his weakened mother, standing behind her elder child, a bloody knife in hand. The boy slumped down against the door, leaving a dark smear of a stain down along the wooden barrier. As he locked eyes with his mother, unable to understand why, she dropped the blade, and collapsed once more, this time beside his dying form._

_The boy couldn't believe it. His own mother had stained her hands with the blood of her own child, the crime of murder! And it had all been in his name...she had been forced to choose. And she had chosen him._

_It wasn't hard to take care of his sickly mother, bringing her to the bedroom for rest. But what to do with his brother's corpse? He certainly couldn't leave it out in the open; it would rot and smell, and they wouldn't be able to hide the fact that he had been stabbed, which was the only fact required to destroy his perfect little world. So, using all of his strength and resources, he buried the male, in the fields of his youth. His childhood, which had died completely the day that he'd found that blasted book._

_However, things are never so simple. Others came around, asking about his brother's whereabouts. At first, they tried to hide it, with a simple lie that the boy had left the village to seek a future outside of its boundaries. Not too unbelievable, at first glance. Then, it was examined a second time, and the flaws were revealed. Why would such a devoted son up and leave his ailing mother and younger brother, after all the tragedy they'd suffered, much less without any of his belongings? Something was afoot here, something foul. _

_It all came out eventually. Issuing a raid upon the house, the Death Note was found in the hands of the screeching boy. For all her protests, his mother could do nothing to save her son from the fate that awaited him, as he was hauled off by the courts._

_Murder was one thing. But to be in league with evil spirits, causing death with just a flick of the quill? That was unforgivable. Justice needed to be dealt out. An eye for an eye._

_All the while, the Death God watched, knowing that something was severely wrong with the situation. But he could not as yet determine what. And without his Note, he could not return to his own world. But the only way to get it back...was to allow the young boy to die. For some reason, the thought struck a chord deep within him. Was the loss of another life really so important in the long run? Or had he become attached to his charge? _

_After the execution, his mother could no longer bear to go on. She passed away in her sleep, leaving the Note up for grabs. And that's what the Shinigami wanted now. To leave this realm of misery and vengeance, and return to his place as a silent onlooker up above, with no responsibility other than the one granted to all in the court of the still growing Gods of Death._

_Now though, the populace was faced with a dilemma. They tried to destroy the demon, to no avail. Then they tried to kill the book itself, which was also impossible. And knowing the power it possessed, new temptations began to rear their heads, taking root in the remaining members of the community. The Shinigami knew then that it was out of his control._

_It was the first, and only time, that the King of the Shinigami Realm had issued such a command. A flurry of hands went to work high above the tiny village, writing down every last name until not a single breath of life could be found inside its borders, save for the now free-roaming secret was never to be unleashed upon this world, nor would there ever be any contact with any other universe where the residents proved to be so unstable._

"_Kill all you see. Do not leave a single one standing. As of now, this village does not exist, and neither do we to this world."_

_And so, the barriers had been set up, the incident never to be spoken of again..._

_But where did this leave the Shinigami who had started the chaos in the first place? Although disgraced for having brought such furor upon their Realm, as well as needing to be 'rescued' by his brethren and sisters, he still kept his rank and Death Note. But he was forever changed, choosing to walk alone among the dusty trails of their dead existence, mulling over the events in his mind again and again._

_It wasn't normal, this feeling inside of him...that was what it was called, right? Shinigami were not meant to feel. They were Judges without actually doing so, passing the order of death down to whoever's time was up, or had just happened to walk into their line of vision for the day. But for whatever reason, he couldn't get the images out of his mind: that boy, who he had lived with for that period of time, and his mother...and all those villagers._

_He felt guilty. Simple as that._

_Eventually, he settled into a routine of watching the selected world below without a hint of expression upon his face. It was rare that anyone ever actually saw him using the Note again, though he must have, in order to have survived as long as he did._

_He didn't want to use it, this thing that brought so much misery no matter who was the wielder. Humans had become a sympathetic outlet for him, and he chose to watch them through the various stages of life, instead of trying to steal them for himself._

_Then** that** day came, when his fascination and empathy reached a turning point...love. And it cost him his own existence._

**…...**

It had been a good five minutes since that last statement had left Kirau's lips. Although there was no clock in the hovel that was her apartment, Ryuk swore he could hear a ticking, somewhere. The girl before him was staring down at her legs-or at least, he assumed she was. He couldn't see her eyes, much less the rest of her face. For all he knew, she'd fallen asleep.

Her straggly locks hung and grazed her skin with their ends, and he once more took notice of the lines running across her pale legs. Since that night so many weeks ago, he had never paid much attention to the scars running across the appendages. But now...

_Is there any spot she hasn't tried to cut?_ For a moment, he was sorely tempted to ask. And just as the question was about to leave his lips, his companion stirred. The words were instantly silenced on his tongue, as Kirau raised her head once again to look at him with that softly deranged expression.

"Second grade was a fucking nightmare. I got stuck with the bullies that came in all shapes and sizes. From the c-classmates, to the teachers...and then going home, never knowing which Mother I'd be greeted by? Yeah, it was a real picnic." Another shudder coursed through her thin body, and this time, Ryuk found himself reaching out, to place a clawed hand lightly upon her shoulder. She jumped, but as soon as they locked eyes again the confusion was gone. He drew back, and she continued her tale.

"I was pretty withdrawn by this point, and my grades were going into a tailspin. The administrators had no idea what to do with me. I wouldn't play with the other children, couldn't finish my work-but I never fought, never caused any trouble with authority. They were always the ones picking fights with me. Nothing I did was good enough, not even when I followed their orders...never good enough. Never. Good. Enough." Her fists were clenched tightly at her sides, and she inhaled without a sound, barely any motion.

Ryuk was starting to notice a pattern beginning to emerge. Being surrounded by a constant fear and disregard by others could easily breed someone like Kirau. But that didn't mean she couldn't escape it. It had to run deeper than that, for her to still be so broken and hung up on it over ten years later. Humans were always spouting off about 'therapy' and 'self-love' and 'self-help'-had any of that been offered to her? It certainly didn't seem that way.

"Mom just...kept getting worse. And worse. Aside from cashing her checks and p-picking up her medications, she didn't like to go out. Our house looked like Hell. It smelled like Hell. The power kept going out, because she didn't always pay the bills. She rarely cooked or shopped, so I had to make do with what was a-available. I was fucking seven years old. A-and I-I had to be the one in charge...I was the one who got the blame when things went wrong." Kirau was now shaking her head.

"She just wanted...n-needed to be understood, to be helped. But I...I wasn't the person to do that. Her own daughter. I couldn't...I couldn't help her..." Her voice was getting quite faint, and Ryuk had to lean in to make out the last words as she trailed off. Again with the silence. While her tale was disturbing, it wasn't enough to convince him of any feelings he may have had, nor was it enough to explain her current state. He waited to see what she did next.

_**You're still trying to deny and rationalize it, aren't you? Poor sod. Admit it, this shit is scary.**_ Inside, he shook his head at his conscience.

_I don't scare easily. I've seen worse. She still hasn't explained how all this connects with her using her body as a canvas, or why she was trying to off herself earlier._ The voice sighed in resignation. _**Your lies are wearing thin, Ryuk. True, you may have seen worse, but that doesn't matter here. What matters is that this feels like the worst to you, because it's coming from her. If it were anyone else, you wouldn't even be batting an eye. The fact that you demanded she tell you her life story speaks volumes here.**_ He had no answer to this.

"Then...one day...when it was raining...just like that day...she came up to me. W-with an honest to God smile...upon her face. She took my hand, and l-led me...to the parlor." Kirau's eyes closed, as she let out a tense breath. Was she really breathing, or only going through the motions? Ryuk wouldn't have been surprised, at this point. The girl was something else entirely.

And whatever it was...it had hit him like an oncoming bullet train. He had never expected the rabbit hole to twist down so deeply.

"Her eyes...were so soft, and brown. She was kind, so very kind...a-and gentle that day. She sat me on the couch...and asked me if I wanted...to play a game. Just a simple game, t-to pass the time away, waiting...for the sun." After a moment of lower lip chewing and peeling, Kirau went on. "Always waiting for that damn sun. When she smiled...it was like I was seeing an angel. Her face was lit up like a candle. Such a beautiful flame. She was so loving, so happy...so much like the Mother I had w-wanted to keep by my side...forever. So I said yes...and she told me."

The girl swallowed. "She told me...to count backwards from one-hundred...slowly, very slowly. With my eyes closed. She was going to hide...but I couldn't start looking u-until after I'd finished counting...and after she'd called me, too. She'd know if I didn't f-follow her orders exactly, and I...I didn't want to ruin anything...it was such a lovely moment. She was so lovely then. I followed everything she said." Now her eyes were open, but Kirau's gaze was looking straight through Ryuk. She was lost in the nightmares of the past. They were glazed over, a sedated ocean, waiting for the storm to break.

"When I closed my eyes...all I saw was her face. I felt like there was...was a reason to go on. As a child, I thought...that Mommy was getting better. She hadn't played with me in so very, very long-I was so...happy." The tremors had returned, but by some reserve of strength, Kirau was holding back the tears. Even as her eyes threatened to water, not a single droplet ran down her pale skin. In the lighting, as her head lifted and turned at just the right angle, Ryuk made out the faintest lines upon her left cheek, and thick lines across her throat. There was his answer to the previous inquiry.

"And I sat there, and I waited. And I waited. And I waited...waited. Waited, waited, waited, waited, for t-the sound of her voice...to call me. I just wanted to play. You know? I was just a kid...and I w-wanted to play with my Mommy." Her voice was breaking, and Ryuk felt that sneaking sliver of unspoken fear creeping up his long spine. Something ugly was in store for him here, he knew it. As eager as he'd been to hear her reasons before, now he was desperate to end the tale.

This was humanity on a whole new level, one that he had been completely unprepared for. Never had he had so much investment in a sole being, a figure, a creature. But he did for her. For Kirau. He had unlocked Pandora's Box, and there was no going back.

"She never called me." Ryuk could now feel the chill upon his skin-that deathly cold sensation that had always been a part of him, and for the first time in his existence...he truly wanted it gone. He wanted to grab ahold of the girl before him, and smother her with his presence. He didn't want to feel that cold, didn't want to feel the fear. He wanted that warmth, that sarcasm, that wit and bizarre empathy.

He wanted her. Wanted Kirau to be who she was to him. Wanted that face that existed on a 'good day'. He would have done anything by this point to bring her back. But he couldn't. This was the last hurdle between them, and he needed to know the truth. Know just who was this girl he'd given control of the asylum to.

"Never called for me...and I just kept waiting...and then I thought...maybe she forgot me?" Kirau's fists had unclenched, only for her fingertips to dig into her thighs. The nails were leaving deep red lines in the skin, and her knuckles were bone white. "I d-didn't want to...break the rules, but I...I wanted my Mommy. I wanted to play...just wanted to play. W-wouldn't a good girl remind her Mother...if something was wrong?

"So I...I climbed off the couch...and walked up the stairs...the trip seemed so very long, even more than usual. Not a sound came out...from any of the rooms. It was so quiet...just like a scary movie, when the s-stupid people would go roaming around...searching...when you, as the audience, knew that they should have...run away...and that was me. I was...the stupid victim. Heh." Her mask was starting to crack; her unwavering gaze was no longer as still as it had been before, and the tears were just an inch away from pushing through.

"I looked in my room...of course she wasn't there. A-and then, I looked in hers...and still nothing. And she wasn't-wasn't in the spare room, either. That only left...the bathroom. The bathroom...with the white counters, and off-white walls...the blue cabinets, and large mirror over two sinks-with the burnt out bulbs above it...the separate facilities, with the door that didn't lock, only stuck. The toilet had a cover that kept falling down, h-hitting your back when you sat, and the tub had sliding glass doors...that always made such a racket when you bumped into them. The shag rugs on the tile...mint green and multicolored weave crinkling underfoot.

"She wasn't by the sinks, which only recently I had been able to reach without-without using a stool, or standing on tiptoe. I was so very proud...I was growing up. Did Mommy see me, becoming such a good, nice young lady? Was Mommy proud o-of me, too?" Ryuk could feel it: this was where the dam would break. Whatever was in that bathroom from her childhood...

"And I turned...turned ever so slowly...to see that the door to the toilet and tub was closed. 'Oh', I thought to myself then, 'Mommy must be in there! Maybe she fell asleep on the toilet?' It wasn't like...it h-hadn't happened before, what with all the booze and pills...so I pushed against it, and it opened...it opened, and I nearly fell through, because it had gotten stuck again."

Just like the day of that song. Kirau was crying, but the tears did nothing to halt her voice. The words kept coming, like a hurricane. Ryuk couldn't distance himself, by this point; it all seemed way too real for his liking. As if he were actually there, seeing whatever she had, feeling every last detail. Shinigami never actually had to deal with the sense of dread or the experience of death. They merely caused it, controlled it. To be on the other end, so helpless...

And now he was remembering the night in the alley. How Kirau's life had nearly been extinguished, had it not been for his intervention. And then the hour before, in the bathroom. How had everything come full circle, anyway? It started in a bathroom...and it ended in one, too.

"The first thing I noticed...was the dripping. That sound. It was so faint, but it caught my ears and wouldn't let go. Drip...drip...drip. Just like the ticking of a clock. Tick...tick...tick. And the door opened wider-I pushed it, expecting to see my Mother's leg, as she sat dozing upon the throne...

"But the toilet was empty. Yet the shower...was full. I took a step, and the door opened just a little more...and then I saw the arm. Hanging over the rim of the tub. And the stains...that had dribbled down over the edge, and were now...on the floor below. The nearby carpet...was starting to soak them in."

That was when Kirau lurched forwards violently, one arm wrapped around her abdomen, the other reaching up to clamp a hand to her mouth. Ryuk leaned over, trying to make out the mumbled, frantic words from behind her fingers.

"Oh, God-so much blood...the blood, a-and the water-everything was mixed! It was mixed, l-like some kind of...of sick drink-I saw it! I saw it...I saw the blade, it was floating! She was soaked, b-but her arms...her arms...and those eyes...no, no!"

Now she was rocking back and forth, hair whipping to and fro. "No, Mommy! Please don't-don't look at me like that! I didn't mean it, Mommy...please, Mommy, don't! Don't look at me that way..." A trail of tears, snot and spittle were beginning to mix upon her face, and she started coughing, hand slamming against the wooden floor, leaving a clear smear.

"They were fucking ripped open! Ripped open! She ripped them open! Her arms were fucking ripped open! That water was so cold...and so was she..." Without warning, Kirau began to heave. Nothing much came up though, merely a small puddle of bubbly yellow bile. Her knees brushed against it, but she took no notice. She was panting, reliving that day in her head as clear as if it were yesterday. In her world, it always was. Always.

"The sirens...they came-I don't know when or how, but they did. T-they took me away...and I never saw her again. N-never saw that house...just new houses, and new faces. From one h-home to another...and the offices...the pills-I wasn't going to! I wasn't going to...to b-be like her...I didn't want to be anything close to her!" She was now yanking furiously at the ends of her loose locks. "I gave it up-gave up everything...j-just to try and forget her. Forget them all."

Now she looked up at Ryuk, so lost and forlorn. Like a paper doll, ripped in two. "I was twelve...when it started. I was failing in school, struggling to-to adapt to a new family...dealing with the nightmares...and the bullies...alone...and I-I couldn't take it. I just couldn't-!" She held out her arms, as if offering up proof.

"So one day, as I sat there, w-waiting for the bell to ring...with all the thoughts circling inside me...I found myself r-reaching into my bag, pulling out...those scissors...and that was it. As the y-years went on, the methods c-changed...from scissors to knives...and razors...needles...and thread...sometimes they found out, sometimes they didn't." She chuckled, but it was hollow and helpless.

"In the end...I wound up just like her. I'm still...trying to die, to get away from it all...just like her. Like mother, like daughter, right? Right? Isn't that...the way it's supposed to go? Huh? Huh?" Sobbing, Kirau began lowering herself towards the floor, ready to curl up in a tight ball. When was the last time she'd had to face those memories? Aside from her dreams, that was.

But before her head touched against the wood, she was pulled up sharply by a clawed iron grip. Gasping, she tried to break free-only to lock eyes with Ryuk. She stopped thrashing instantly. The look in his eyes...it wasn't one she'd seen before. And it meant something.

"You are not your mother." The words left his mouth without hesitation. Her heart skipped. "You may wish to think that there is no purpose for you in this world, and I will have to disagree. Your purpose...is to serve me." He let her go, and she balanced before him, now rocking back on her heels. "If you didn't exist, then I would not be here now. Everything as we know it would cease to be. And whatever you choose to say otherwise, you like it this way. I won't believe anything else."

He floated over towards the windows. "And, although I don't say it...I too, enjoy this existence. I enjoy your company." He looked over his shoulder at her. "You are important as you are now. Your past serves no purpose here. You belong to me, until it is the right time for you to die. That is the one place you don't get any say in. Because I need you, for as long as is possible."

Kirau was blown away by his admissions. He hadn't said 'necessary'. He had said 'possible'. He wanted her around for as long as could be managed. Scratch that-he, of all beings, wanted her, a measly human, by his side! He wanted her...her and her alone.

Out of every single person on the planet, he had chosen her. Her, with all her flaws and slip-ups and screw-ups and fuck-ups. Her. Her, her, her, her! Nobody else! To him, she had a place. She had a reason to stay alive. No one else had thought much of her until this point. Now, she had someone who needed her, truly needed her and everything she was. He didn't want her altered in any way. He just wanted her to stay in one piece. To stay alive.

Although shaky, Kirau leaned and scooted back against the bed, ready to fall asleep. For once, she looked forward to the phantoms in her dreams-how would they stand up to her new knowledge and importance now? Perhaps they would finally let her go.

Just as she was slipping under the covers though, Ryuk's voice cut through her thoughts. "Oh. And one more thing." She looked at him, unsure of what he could want now. Hadn't they pretty much torn down every last blockade and shield? Her defenses were lying scattered about her, and she didn't have the desire to pick them up and replace them, as usual. For once, she liked this feeling of openness and vulnerability. Because he would never let her fall. "What?"

"Your name." She blinked. "No more of this 'Kirau'. I want to hear you say it." He was facing her fully now, back against the cracked glass of the windows. The setting sun splayed its rays around his dark figure, giving him the look of something truly menacing and imposing. A fallen angel. A monster. A Shinigami.

But to her, he was simply God.

"Say it. From your own mouth, I want to hear the name that floats above your head." There were no tricks to be played here, no bargains to be struck. She trusted him, and he obviously had some sort of faith in her. It was time to give up the ghost. With a soft sigh and a quick jerk of her lips, she was now smiling. It was small and still a bit sad, but it was better than nothing.

"Guess it was inevitable, huh?" Another chuckle. "My name...is Grace Oka. Pleasure to meet'cha." He gave her a nod and turned to watch the sun continue to slip below the horizon.

"Good. Now, we understand each other." Grace shook her head, lying down upon the ratty mat and tattered blankets. She was soon overtaken by a blissful sleep, one in which she no longer had to hide behind false pretenses or guilt trips.

Ryuk, on the other hand...well, he had a few things left to process.

**…...**

"...so, this is what humans feel when they're close to each other, huh?"

_**Yep. You regretting jumping into the situation, now that you know what's going on?**_

It was nighttime. Ryuk was hovering by the ceiling, drifting around the upper corners of the apartment like an oversized balloon. Below him, Grace continued to sleep, an expression of peace evident upon her features even at this height. He carefully dropped down, settling himself in the air beside her still form.

It had all led to this. All the cursing, the trial and error, the experiments, the questions and fits, the blood and guilt, the denial and violence. Here he was, Ryuk, a Shinigami with a human...and he liked it. No, more specifically: he liked her.

Yes, Ki-erm, Grace-had grown on him. In the end, he supposed he should have seen it coming. After all, spending time in some form or another with another, and certain attachments would form, even amongst those meant to wander alone. Isn't that what had happened to Gelous? He'd been so fixated on little Misa, and in the end...he'd given his life for her. Rem had followed suit not soon after.

Ryuk wasn't going that far. He didn't have to die for her. But he was going to do his best to keep her alive, as long as he could manage. And he didn't need the Death Note to do it.

_**So, you admit it? You love her, this sideshow girl? This ragdoll? Your little Grace?**_ Ryuk snorted under his breath. _Whatever, you're just looking to gloat. Think what you like, it's of no consequence to me._ His conscience grinned. _**I'll take that as a 'yes'.**_

Love...what a strange concept. Curiosity was one thing, but this? To actually care what happened to another, for such foreign reasons? He'd never thought it possible, at least not in him and his comrades. Gelous-and Rem, now that he thought about it-were always meant to be the exceptions to the rule. It wasn't a compliment. But now, he had to add himself to that list. Just his luck.

Still, with all he had experienced and learned...it was a fair exchange. He had her life, she had his affection. Or perhaps he should call it attention? Once more, he looked at the figure sleeping under the blankets.

It was affection. Because when she died...they would never meet again. She had accepted her destiny as a Note user, and he'd accepted the fact that there was no way he could save her from it. Even the Gods themselves weren't immune to death, and rules were rules. He couldn't change that. Plus, add to that the deal for the Shinigami Eyes, and her lifespan had been halved. Even if he _did_ protect her...she would still die sooner than expected. But she had willingly made the choice, to give him that piece of her in exchange for this dual-bladed sword. A blessing and a curse.

Leaning forwards, his breath grazed her flesh as she slumbered. His gaze lingered upon her features, no longer contorted by agony or discomfort. She had needed that revelation, more than she was willing to admit. He smirked. As long as they were together, in the here and now...that was all that mattered. They'd take on this world of scum and deceit, Death Note securely in hand. Until the day Grace took her last breath. Then, they would part.

He'd never forget her, though. By this point, it was impossible for him to. She was both welcomed and hidden; his dirty little secret that he'd willingly take to his grave, whenever that time came. Perhaps he'd try to stay alive then, and outlive all his brethren? He could keep her memory alive, at least?

_It's a thought._ With that, he pressed his cold lips to hers in a second of recognition, before floating up and away, back towards the ceiling, to watch the city lights twinkle off in the distance. They were running out of apples again. He'd ask about them tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

**A/N: And there you have it. The final chapter.**

**Yes, the beginning's a bit unexpected, and rather rambling. I had a vague idea of how I wanted this last installment to take place, but once I started writing it, well...this happened. And looking back upon it, I didn't have the heart to change it. It fit, in a weird, disjointed manner. As if taking another's perspective, and applying it to the current situation in this fic.**

**How was Kirau/Grace's conclusion? I'd had it in mind from the get-go, and finally got the chance to pen it out. I didn't want it to seem too dramatic, yet I wanted to be certain that it would leave an impression. On the other hand though, it had to be believable. Did I get it about right?**

**And yes, this is a rather bittersweet ending. I couldn't imagine either character taking up any sort of conventional relationship, feelings be damned. It's just an unspoken agreement between them: they know how the other feels, and how unusual/unnatural it is for both of them...but they accept it. Because it's only between them and them alone. And, just like any other Death Note user, Kirau/Grace will die. I didn't want to sugarcoat it, or come up w/some sort of hackneyed happy ending. It's the truth, nothing more or less. I think it fits the two of them, in the end.**

**Wow...can't believe I finally reached the last chapter. Go me, I guess? 'mentally pats self on the back' That's three completed stories to my name. I'm halfway there! 'pumps fist' XD ****Here's hoping you all enjoyed the ride. It's been one helluva a trip; two, almost three years! Who'da thunk it? But we're here. The destination. Was the ride worth it?**

**Take care, everyone. And many thanks to you for all your support, no matter the form.**

**=^.^= **


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